My 49th Mother's Day

 

It's my 49th Mother's Day and I have given a lot of thought as to what a milestone that seems to be.  I have two children that are my heart and soul.  God granted me these two as my special gifts.  I am forever grateful for them.  God does not make mistakes.  Was it easy to be their mom?? No.  Did we have problems? Yes.  If I could have a "do over" would I take it?  No.  What I have today is not perfect, it can be heartbreaking, confusing, frustrating, joyful, and glorious.  I still shed tears over both of my children.  I have gone to God more times than I can count to pray for each of them to be safe, happy and for their problems to be small.  I have had to learn and actually am still learning that they need to handle their own problems and that I can't fix everything.  Becky will call to ask if I am available on such and such day.. and I realize that I am working.  My mind is on immediate overdrive how I can change things around to help.  She reminds me that she is able to handle the situation.  I think it's partially the joy of being able to meet a need and the joy of being around the best grandchildren that makes me want to change everything to help.  My daughter is an incredible mom, and it leaves me in awe of all that she does.  Her children are smart, talented, capable and they love their Mimi(me) They are growing up in a different time than she did, and I believe that today is much harder.  I am so grateful that my children did not grow up on the internet.  There are so many dangers via the net.  Not just issues with friends that get broadcasted the minute it happens, but the danger of predators is so very real. I cannot imagine how parents today protect their children. Every day I pray not only for Josh and Becky but for each of their children.    In church today Pastor Kerney reminded us to speak life onto our children and grandchildren.  Each day I speak faith filled words for each of them.  When I see them, I remind them how much I love them and how important that they are by just being themselves. My son lives with me and I am grateful.  He helps me around the house.  He helps me with bills.  We pretty much stay out of each other's way after we are home.   We have been down to 1 car for well over a year, so he frequently drives me to work if he has school or teaching.  We talk a lot on our rides to and from.  We both commented that we will miss the travel time when his car is fixed because we talk about how I am feeling, how he is feeling, the bible, what's happening in the news.  I hardly watch the news anymore and now Joshua is the news junkie and keeps me apprised of current events.  We absolutely do not agree on everything and that's okay.  He is a "right fighter" and I am, of course, right about everything so it can be challenging at times!

From the day they were born I loved them beyond reason.  I worked full time and when not working it was pretty much about them. I made so many many mistakes.  I worked too many hours and wasn't home when I should have been.  I was saved but was not walking closely with the Lord thus did not have them in church. I remember we prayed every night and I would tell them to call on the name of Jesus when they faced trouble.  Becky was too young and likely has no memory of that time but would tell me that Jesus was her "fren"   I was overprotective and trusted no one with them.  More time than not, when I was called into work at night they would come with me.  They had a room in the hospital with beds and a TV.  In the morning Joshua would make sure Becky was dressed and would take her to the kitchen and the staff doted on them.  

Sitting here at 74 years of age looking back on that time I realize that my priorities were so screwed up.  My jobs had always been so important and looking back they dim in their value to my precious children. The one thing that I did not fail was loving them unconditionally.  I never left them that I didn't say I love You! Every phone conversation ended with love.  

My children are the best.  I don't care what issues we might have they know that they are loved beyond reason. When I am gone, I hope looking back on my life they won't remember my mistakes but only that I loved them completely and I was behind them always.  I hope that they know that my last thought will be of them.  

I miss my mom so much.  I remember that she always told me she loved me.  I went to sleep at night knowing that she was there for me, behind me, encouraging me to be the best.  She loved her three daughters, and I'm sure that we did have problems, but I honestly cannot remember what they were.  I just remember the love and acceptance.  I remember that she prayed for us continually.  She left a legacy of love and faith in God.  I want that to be me.  That is my goal.  

I love you Joshua, Rebekah, Allison, Winston, Aries, Patton, and Aster, you all are the very best!