Mother's Day.... Missing Ina Lee

I have so many mixed feelings on Mother's Day.  I love the fact that I am a mother but miss my mom so much it makes my heart hurt.  If I could have one wish it would be that my mother could come back for a day to meet Rebekah and Joshua's children.  She would just love  Winston, Allison, and Aries. I would want part of that day to tell her how much I love her and how the things that she taught me and believed are ingrained on my heart. I just want an hour or two just to touch her and hold her.   She was a Christian.  She read her bible daily and believed in her salvation.  She prayed daily for her family and I know that she shed tears for all of us at one time or another when we struggled with our own faith.

I was a latchkey kid during a time that most mothers stayed at home.  She was divorced and had to work to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.  We would have qualified for any number of modern day government programs.  We would have had food stamps, and medicaid at a minimum.  But my mother was a very proud and independent and would have viewed any assistance as charity and would have refused to accept the help.  We survived.  We had food.  We had heat in the winter and a warm home.  She worked hard at  two jobs but she did what she needed to do.  I knew that I was loved.  She taught me by example that hard work was honorable and that to provide for your family was a joy.  Mom was my rock and she loved me unconditionally. Nearly every day something will happen and I will think "I need to call mom, she would love this",  That it catches me off guard,  after all this time,  amazes me.  She died on Mother's Day in 2002 and I still have moments  that think she is a phone call away.  I frequently dream when I sleep and on occasion have dreamed of my mom and I sitting having a conversation.  Usually I am going over a painful struggle with which I am presently dealing  and she is sitting there listening with such intentness on her face and she gives me advice.  I have often woken up in tears but also feeling that I have been given a gift, created by my imagination, fed by years of knowing her beliefs and I have the answer that I am seeking.

I miss you mom.  I love you.   This year.  Every year.

He Died for Me

I went to bed last night realizing that I had not written anything in awhile  regardless of my wonderful intentions and  I am grateful that I don't depend on the written word for my dinner or I would starve to death. As I was lying in bed my mind was bouncing around like a ping-pong ball: peeps( yellow vs. pink), my diet, winning the lottery and what I would do, my hips hurting, should I cut my hair short, wanting to be on a before and after TV spot where someone offers to give me plastic surgery.. and would I do it, paying my bills, thinking about the grand kids, and what could I do to make more money. No kidding, all those thoughts were going through my busy brain and the final thought about more money segued into different professions that I could do to increase my financial well being and then to those professions that I was glad I hadn't done.  That segued into me thinking about Easter and feeling like I was glad that I wasn't a preacher and having to come up with a different inspirational, soul saving sermon every week.  I fell asleep with the sentence " he died for me" as my last thought.  I would love to tell you that I had a fabulous Easter dream of redemption.. but I didn't.  I did dream I was on a boat and it had been hijacked by terrorists.  My entire family and grandchildren were there along with a bunch of friends and loads of people that I didn't know.  We were all standing on the top deck and they were going to kill one of us.  They were going to take one of my kids and I stepped up and said no take me instead. My family was crying and I remember looking at them thinking that this was okay.  My life for theirs, I was good with that.    In the dream the man was curious about my willing to die for my family so he went through the passenger list.  I really didn't want to die and when he got to people that I had never met I was really thinking that I didn't know who that person was so maybe it would be okay for them to be pushed overboard instead of me.  I was saved from making a decision because a Seal Team came in led by Sean Connery  and they killed the terrorists. I am not kidding, that was my dream.

I can see myself standing in front of a gunman to protect my family and not thinking about it.  The need to protect "mine" is strong in me.  But to offer my life up for a perfect stranger is not something that I would push through a crowd to do.  I believe in that circumstance I would be making myself as small as I could, keeping my eyes closed and repeating the mantra " NOT ME,  NOT ME".

Jesus died, with some reluctance,  for our redemption. He didn't want to die.  Luke 22: 42 -44 "Father if  you are willing,  take this cup from me; yet not my will , but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.   Mark 14:36 "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you,  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will."  He died for all those people who cheered for his death because in doing so he saved them all.  The wonder of it all was that he didn't die for just those people on Calvary but for all of us.  People he didn't know, people who were not even born yet.  He died for me.  I am insignificant, a sinner, and not worthy of the gift of His life but he did it anyway so that I would have a chance to enter the kingdom with him at the end of my time.  This was a good man, one who did nothing to earn his death but he followed the will of his Father, paid the ultimate price and was resurrected to prove that there is life after death.  The blood that he shed and the life that he, albeit reluctantly, gave is our promise that life does not end but goes on in glory.   He died and rose again for me and for you.  Blessed Easter,  HALLELUJAH  Jesus is risen.

Happy 37th Birthday Son

He believed in puppets, Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and in me.  This birthday marks the time that you are a father of two  little ones who I hope have your sense of wonder and imagination.  If they didn't get that gene from you my dearest son I hope that you will introduce them to the magical world that is just a blink away and teach them to embrace the happiness that imagination can create.  I have always been and will always be so very proud of you.  I love you more than the stars in the sky.

Christmas Letter 2013

I used to be so very good about sending out Christmas cards mainly because I loved getting them. I have let that go years ago and my mailbox is not as heavy as it used to be.    My favorite cards contained a letter from the sender about what had transpired in their life in the past year.  Not to diminish any person who sends me a letter but my hands down favorite Christmas letter sender is my niece Carrie White.  I usually end up laughing till I am crying because she is so honest that not everything is fabulous as some would have you believe!  I am sending this blog in lieu of my Christmas cards... I know I can feel the eye rolls from here but I am long on desire and short on time.  My tree isn't even up yet so bear with me.

This year has gifted me with two grandsons.  My daughter Rebekah gave birth to Winston Charles in May  and my daughter in law Sydni gave birth to Aries in November.  Both were big boys and are of course beautiful.  I have a granddaughter from Josh and Syd named Allison River who is the spitting image of her daddy.  I understand now what the big deal about being a grandma is all about.   I sit for Winston on my off days and every day brings about changes.  He discovered that his wrists twist a few weeks ago..  only a grandma would find that hysterical and give proof just how intelligent he is.

Rebekah is a nurse practitioner working in a clinic and loves her job but is acutely aware of the negative changes affecting our health care.  Joshua is still teaching dance now at the Acadiana School of the Performing Arts and based on a few videos he has recently posted still has that special "thing" that makes him so great at what he does.

Stan is retired and busy at hunting, and babysitting.  I am still working in the Emergency Department at St. Martin Hospital in Breaux Bridge and love my job.  I just had my 62 birthday a week ago and a very BRILLIANT and ASTUTE  patient told me the other night that I looked like I was in my early 50's.  I love patients like that!

I have been on a diet since a year ago November. I started the diet 2 weeks before we took our last year's cruise and told my nurse practitioner Aimee Guidry that I was NOT dieting on a cruise and for that matter was not dieting during the week before and just after Christmas.  I really like this diet but I love Christmas goodies. I also cook a Christmas feast that swims in butter.  I have lost a considerable amount of weight and I am proud of that fact however I do cheat.  I should have lost 100lbs by this time.  Here we are at Christmas again AND I just got back from a cruise and I gained a few pounds It's a great diet but it has no room for cheating.  The thing is that I feel so much better when I follow the program.  I have more energy and my joints don't hurt.  I will be at my goal by June.

Our Christmas is actually going to on Christmas this year. I am off for the first time in about 4 to 5 years.  We are still going to do it all on Christmas Eve with the dinner and present opening just after.  This year is going to be fun because I got to buy toys again now for the grand kids.

I have been writing this over the last few days and I am now taking a break from picking up the clutter in my house so that I can get ready to re-clutter it with Christmas decorations.  In the past I was always decorated by the middle of November but with the cruise and work I had delayed the removal of all 27 boxes from the attic and closets.  I suggested to Rebekah that since she has the big beautiful house that she host the Christmas celebrations.  She seemed reluctant and now I am glad.  There will come a time(and I can feel it getting closer) that she will be the family hostess for big celebrations but for now I am still the Queen.  Next year I will go all out because the grand kids will be older but  this year I will count myself lucky if I can get up just one tree, get batteries in all the singing animals, position my collection of Santa statues,  and set out 3 or 4 nativity sets.   Jill Mary Forbes is coming over as I type to help me decorate.  For the past several years she has given me the valuable gift of her time for my birthday present to help me get ready for Christmas.   I have cookies to bake and presents to wrap, I wonder if she can stay for a week?

I am making an effort to get this out before Christmas so this should be my last installment.  Jill and I did the house and while it doesn't have half the stuff I have accumulated over the years it still looks like Christmas. I have not really baked because I had to return to work last Wednesday so I will bake after Christmas for my work peeps.  I STILL have not wrapped a single present and I work until the morning of the 24th. I will shop for the traditional casseroles tomorrow on the way home from work and tonight I am leaving early to go get the rest of the stocking stuffers for all my "kids". My plan is to prep all the food on the 23 and leave detailed instructions for Stan on how and when to put them in the oven on Christmas Eve.  I have to pick up the table cloths at the cleaners and set the table and dust off the good china.  This is my holiday and I love it even though I am wondering how I will get it all done in time and still get in a nap.

In all the bustle of the holiday please keep your focus on the Child in the manger who was born to save man.  As the saying goes Jesus is the reason for the season and in all of our gift giving keep your focus on Him.  We are facing prophetic  times that are frightening and our purpose and our Lord are under attack from all sides.  It is not popular to be a Christian and our nation is  so focused on being politically correct that saying Merry Christmas is considered verboten because it might offend your neighbor.  Tough.  MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone.

As you read this I want to request at end prayers for several of my face book friends who are battling cancer.  Please pray for God to heal Susie Stelly and Bob Phillips. I have several friends who are struggling with financial issues and depression.  God can and will answer the prayers of believers and I thank you for the time you will take to pray for my friends.

The best gift I can give you is love.  So this Christmas I send all of you an abundance of love and know that I will pray for your needs and rest assured that this next year God will move in your life.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Welcome to the World Aries Hart

My son Joshua Hart and his wife Sydni had their second child this afternoon.   Sydni is doing well after the delivery of this big boy who was 8lbs 11oz and nearly 21 inches long. This beautiful boy is welcomed into the world by his grandparents Debbie and Stan Higginbotham, Stephanie and Kurt Bourg, and Steven and Peggy Hart.  He joins his older sister Allison and his cousin Winston Garrard into my immediate family and I cannot wait for them all to play together.  God is truly good and has blessed me in such a lovely way.  Babies are the hope of a better tomorrow and bring such joy to those around them.  May God bless this baby and keep him safe.  Congratulations Josh and Syd, he is just beautiful!!

Bully For You

If we all examine our childhood we can look back at times when we faced a bully or two.  If that never happened to you than you need to ask yourself if you were the one who was a bully.  I remember being accosted in the bathroom by two girls wanting to know if I was going to vote for Barry Goldwater.  Really.  I was in 7th grade and  pretty clueless about everything except horses.  I had no clue who Barry Goldwater was at the time and I know that I was scared out of my mind.  But now that I am a news and history junkie I can safely say from my armchair  50 years later  Hell yes I would have voted for him.  They tag teamed me and intimidated me and it has stayed with me all these years.  I can remember other events that while cruel were not necessarily bullying in the present day sense.  In grade school I was a little chubby(I am issuing a loud snort here) and remember Alan Weidemier calling me "Baby Huey" after the fat cartoon duck.  I was crushed and maybe depressed because in my young eyes he was pretty cute.  So I can safely say that ugly comments designed to hurt our feelings and bullying is nothing new.  What is new is our availability to social media and the widespread damage it can cause.  If Alan had texted to all of his buddies or put on Facebook that I looked like Baby Huey that comment would have fostered all kinds of cruel  comments from people who never even met me.   I grieve for the parents of children who were victim of senseless cruelty from their peers.  That their only outcome was suicide is even more tragic.  So what happens to the little darlings that hounded these victims.  They are free to grow up, marry, have children and live their life.  I can't even come up with a punishment for these bullies that is  bad enough that would satisfy me.  What is amazing is that the parents of the perpetrators  are in denial that their little darlings could have possibly done something so horrendous.  I love my social media outlet.  I am a Facebook junkie and cannot wait to see what others have posted.  It is a fact that our children get caught up in the same addiction and that most will not go against the "popular" in-group to  defend a person who is being online bullied.   I can remember feeling in junior high that I would rather not be noticed and that anonymity  is like a warm blanket. To be ignored is so much better than to be targeted for the clothes I wear or how my hair looks or the shape of my body.   Today that same feeling has to be ten times worse.  Our job as parents and grandparents is to teach our offspring that it is not enough to ignore hateful comments about others but to take a stand to defend those who are weaker.  We have to be able to instill such a feeling of self worth that the barbs of others cannot send our children reeling into the abyss of self loathing that ends in suicide. As a grandparent my feelings are the same as when I was a parent only 10 times more developed.  I will want to lay waste to anyone who would dare bully Winston, Allison or Aries.  But I cannot fight their battles because they need to be able to take a verbal hit and remain intact emotionally to grow into adults.  I can stand by and offer my arms to hold them when their feelings are hurt and can teach them to defend those weaker.  I will teach them to look at each person as an individual and not weigh their worth against the 'popular' group.  I will pray that each of my grandchildren will offer the hand of friendship to those deemed "less"  and that their kindness will be a light in the darkness for another child in need. I  pray that my grandchildren will learn that their value is not measured in what others think or write about them but what they have in their hearts and what they feel about themselves. 

As a final comment Proverbs 18:21      Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.   

Happy Birthday Rebekah

She was my gift 32 years ago on this day.  Every time I look at her I am in awe of just what Stan and I created with our mix of genes.  She has always had an outlook on life that was unique and can look at any situation and clearly see a path that needs to be taken.  Rebekah was independent from early years when she insisted on dressing herself at the age of 2.  That independence and goal driven personality has carried her successfully through her life.  I am so proud of the woman she has become. She struggled in school and never ever gave up and now is a Master's prepared Family Nurse Practitioner.  I am in awe of her knowledge and praise God for her innate compassion that makes her patients and friends love her. This year she became a mother and my heart is so full each time I see her with her Winston.  She is wife to Shane, mom to Winston, sister to Joshua, and daughter to me and Stan.


Rebekah you are so very special to  many people but to me, your loving mom,  you are my dearest daughter.  Happy happy birthday  sweetheart.