Friday, September 11, 2015

September 11, 2015

This day is the most difficult day in the year for me.  I wake up and when I realize the day, the tears start.  I cannot express adequately the heaviness on my heart that the memories evoke.  We have moved on but yet not. Our freedoms have been curtailed, we are suspicious of a whole religious group, we have to be aware in large groups for fear someone will decide they want to be a martyr for the cause of jihad.  We are fighting an enemy that holds no value for human life unless their religious beliefs are espoused.  Islamic terrorists are like a cancer that is slowly spreading throughout the world and has its tentacles in our great country.   We have lone wolf terrorists who believe that the killing of innocent men, women, and children is the way to please their Allah and usher their way into their Jannah where untold riches await them.  In their world there is no place for the "great satan" America and the state of Israel.  Our President has chosen to ignore the horrific spread of this cancer thus "they that shall not be named" is spreading  with the protection of political correctness. I worry for my grandchildren and their children. 

September 11, 2001 is the worst and best day that I have experienced in my lifetime.  It was a day that we were brought to our knees  and the last time that I can remember that we came together, all religions, all races, all AMERICANS and told the world that we are bruised but not broken.  It was the last time that our country has been united and stood together shoulder to shoulder.

Oh God, bless the families that were intimately touched by loss 14 years ago.  Protect our country from those outside forces and those internally who are working against us.  Protect Israel and provide safety to those in that country that battle daily for survival. Oh Lord put leaders in place in America that will put our country and its people first in their thoughts.  Lord make this anniversary a day that will reawaken the hearts of those who have become complacent and make them say "Never Again"

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Barbara Heibel November 4, 1942 - June 21 2015 Beloved Sister Home at Last,

Today my sister went home to join her husband Bob and our mom.  My heart is broken but my spirit is lifted because I know that she is residing in glory with those that left before.  Barbara Lee was the first child of Ina Lee.  Her father was Bill Gibson, my mom's first husband.  She lived with my mom's grandparents, Pappy and Grandma White until she was nearly 4 when my mom remarried H. E. Shurtz and she was brought back to live with them in Columbus.  Our sister Patti was born in 1948 and by the time I was born in 1951 my parents marriage was nearly over and Barbara took over the "mothering" of her sisters as our mom was trying to cope. I have been told that Barb was near totally responsible for me for the first year.  Patti would have been almost 4 and Barbara was 9. 

 Memory: I was watching Barbara get ready for a date and putting on makeupI told her that I guess I'm just going to be a plain  Jane
 
My sister was politically a conservative and mourned with me when Mitt Romney lost the election.  She wasn't a huge fan of Mitt but she felt that Obama was leading us down a road that we will not recover.  But she would continue that God had control and that this is all part of the plan for the end times.  She never finished college but was one of the most well read people that  I know.  She read voraciously and spend hours in her bible.  She was a born again Christian and walked the walk.  She understood that good works alone were not enough to gain entrance into heaven.  She despaired over the path that the church is taking in getting away from the word into a secular feel good movement.  But again she would say "these times are exciting, this has all been prophesied. Her guilty passion after her bible was true crime books.  I couldn't get her to read a regular novel to save my life!

Memory: Seeing her dressed up for homecoming at West High School.  She was nominated for Homecoming Queen and did not make it but was on the court. I remember telling her I would rather be homecoming queen than Miss America.

She was mother to Mindy, Carrie, and Mark.  Grandmother to Suzanne, Joel, Drew, Evan, Mia and Ashley.  She loved her family and every conversation with her had some anecdote  from one of the grandkids.  She was so proud of Suzanne, Mindy's daughter, because she became a nurse. I heard about Carrie's boys every time I called and the funny things they would say or do.  I learned how Ashley and Mia, Mark's daughters, were so very very creative.   She came to stay with Becky for a week when Winston was born.  She lamented that  she was too sick to meet the twins so  Stan, Becky and I  took her kids to meet Barbara while she was in rehab.  It was the last time I would see her and it was a blessed trip.

Memory: Barbara was "chatty" and Bob was more taciturn.  She told a story that just after they got married they were lying in bed and she was just chattering away.  Bob turned and looked at her and said " why don't you turn over and play your flip side". 

Because she was in Ohio she had primary care of our mom in later years.  It was hard on her and she later reflected that she was able to come to terms with the resentment that she harbored from childhood.  She said that God revealed to her the issues and she was able to let go of the past and have a spiritual healing that gave her abundant love for our mom.  Those reading this don't misunderstand, we had a wonderful mom but for a time she was unable to provide those things that moms need to give because of what was happening in her life.  Barb was the one who had to pick up the reins and keep us going. 

Barbara had a life time of illness that really didn't keep her down but caused her great  discomfort  As a teenager she would have frequent fevers that were termed "fevers of unknown origin"  She had trouble sleeping and other vague complaints that caused one of her doctors to tell her she needed a psychiatrist. She was finally diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.

Memory:  Bob, Barb and all her kids brought mom to  Pensacola, Florida to visit me.  She had a rash on her hairline and asked me, the nurse, what she should do.  I told her it looked like  psoriasis so go lay out in the sun.  I had pictures  developed just after they went home and called mom telling her I know what is wrong with Barb.  The pictures showed a perfect "butterfly rash" and combined with all her other symptoms was very suspicious of SLE.  Mom told me "you almost killed her having her go in the sun"  She had to go to the hospital  as soon as she got home BUT she finally did get diagnosed. 

Sisters.  Always three.  Different in many ways but united by love and family.  We always met for weddings and family gatherings.  We had a sisters weekend in New Orleans a few years back and promised that we would do that again.  We never really did.  We agreed that we would get together for the birthdays that started a decade.  40, 50, 60 etc.  That did work out for a while but work and events sort of  took precedence. Sisters now two united in love and in grief. 

Memory: Patti, Barb and I were staying in a old B and B in New Orleans.  They were arguing politics and I took my coffee, cigarettes and book to the balcony to quiet.  Patti came out and ask me how I pick a president.  I told her that I pick the man I would most like to sleep with. Patti was disgusted and I went back to reading. It was the Bush and Kerry year.  Really no contest Kerry made me gag.

I call my sisters every week(almost) Friday is Joann Page day.  Joann is my father's first child and my oldest  half sister.  Saturday is Barbara day and Sunday is Patti day.  Recently the past year or so I took to calling Barb several times a week to discuss politics and religion.  She was so very knowledgeable and well read on both subjects and would give me ideas for my blog.  I am sitting here looking at notes that I have taken from conversations to put on blogs and it makes me sad that I didn't blog sooner about things that she was interested in.  I promise Barb that I will start blogging again. 
Patti went down and spent several weeks with her while she was  in rehab.  Barbara commented again and again what a blessing it was to have Patti with her.  She told me that she had such love for her and her exact wording was that they had really bonded even though she was driving Patti crazy. 

Memories:  Red beef stew, green iced Christmas Tree cookies, lemon bars, potato casserole, baked asparagus and dill salmon dinner, bathing the dogs(before the final goodbye), my black leather coat with the silver fox collar that I gave her, Johnny Marzetti (its a dinner dish), Pepsi not Coke, my potato soup, grandchildren,  weddings, funerals, sitting in the airport in Lafayette talking with mom about French kissing and oral sex(Patti, Barb, and me), Martha, Freddie, Dianne( I thought they were so glamorous when I was a child), backrubs, unconditional love no matter what I did, surprising Patti when she got Rotarian of the year, no PJ's, her wedding to Bob..she was so beautiful, Mark sticking a hatpin in her butt while at the store, Carvel Ice cream shop,  West Third Ave apartment, foster child Althea,  putting Queenie our collie to sleep( it took me years to get over that),  Andy her basset hound, Cincinnati on Woodmill Lane, Joshua's wedding, Rebekah's wedding,  the family cruise, Aunt Bee,  I could go on and on as the scenes flash  in my head...  it's a kaleidoscope of laughter, tears, joy and sorrow. 

Joshua put it best when he said Aunt Bee had a life well lived.  I will miss her so very much. Barbara you had a great impact on my life and my faith and really no better thing can be said,   I will cherish each memory until we meet again.







Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day Rebekah and Sydni

This day is bittersweet for me every year since mom died.  I miss her every day. I have blogged before that every once in a while I will dream a dream about her.  I am always so happy to see her and talk with her.  In my dream I know that she is supposed to be dead but somehow it doesn't matter.  I talk with her and can feel her love for me like a tangible thing.  For a short time I am enveloped in her love and all is right with my world.  Then I wake up.  And cry.  She would be so thrilled with her family and her great grandchildren.  I see her in things that my children say or do so she is never far from my thoughts.  I am grateful that she was my mom.  I am grateful that she loved my sisters and me and that she believed in us. 

I am the mom to my two children and they have children of their own and it makes my heart happy to see the mothers of my grandchildren interact with their offspring.  My daughter-in-law Sydni Hart is a wonderful mom to Aries and to Allison.  I watched her yesterday at Winston's birthday  and I am so grateful that she is their mom.  She is unflappable.  I know she is probably laughing at this statement but that is the way that I see her.  She is such a wonderful  mom and my grandchildren are safe in her arms and heart. 

Rebekah, my youngest child, gave me my last two grandchildren at once.  She is mom to Winston, Patton and Aster.  I have had the honor of helping her for the last month and a half and I am so grateful that I had that opportunity.  I have been able to shift my work schedule to the weekends and have been staying with her during the week.  I have been so blessed to be able to watch the changes in the babies.   She is a full time working mom just like I was and will be returning to work in June.  She will juggle work and home.  I am and always have been in awe of her.  She is a wonderful mom and I am thrilled when I see her with her babies.  The love that she has is a visible thing and I sometimes will watch her with the twins and I am so glad that they have her for a mom.  Grandma Lucky would be so very proud. 

Lord on this day I ask you to put angels around Rebekah and Sydni and give them the strength, love, wisdom and joy that it takes to raise their babies.  I ask that you pour blessing down on them and give them the energy and patience that it takes to raise their young.  I pray for their health and their happiness.  I ask that you guard and protect them each day as they go about their lives.  I ask this in Jesus name. 

Happy Mother's Day.  I love you both. 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Happy 38th Birthday Joshua Edward Hart April 8, 2015

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Happy birthday to my precious firstborn.  From that first day I loved you and I love you still.  I pray for your success and safety each day and know that God has his hand on you.  My prayer for you this year is that you will continue to be a witness to your faith and for  abundant blessings to manifest in your life and work.   In  those blessings you will see God's hand on your life.  I love you more than all the stars in the sky. 

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Welcome to the World Patton Lee and Aster Leigh Garrard



Early in the morning of March 24 2015 I was waking up to go to Becky's to watch Winston so that she could go to work. She was to have an elected C-section on Friday March 27th. and intended to work up to that day.  Well she did work up to the day considering she worked on Monday.  Tuesday morning I got a call telling me her water broke and they were on their way over to drop Winston off for his Pawpaw to keep him.  I jumped up and got a shower and washed my hair.  I did NOT want my new grandchildren to meet me without hair fixed and makeup done.  Taunte Jill Forbes was notified and made arrangements to come to the hospital just a little later.  Becky was in the surgical waiting area when I arrived and was comfortable.  I was terrified.  I am a nurse and I know what kind of things can happen in surgery.  I really prayed that Jesus would be with her and the babies.   I got teary eyed when they took her in.  The scrub nurse reassured me when I told her to watch my baby.  She reassured me that the twins were going to be carefully monitored. NOT THEM!!!  I told her, of course everyone would have their eyes on the twins I have no doubt about that.  I made her promise that she would closely monitor my daughter. She hugged me and promised that Becky would be her first priority,  Francis Garrad(Grandma Gigi) Taunte Jill Forbes(Godmother to Patton) were with me when we heard the first cries.  And we cried.  They brought the babies out to us and the above are the first pix.  Becky came thru like a champ.  Dr. Bourque came out and reassured all of us that everyone was fine.  Patton weighed 6 lbs 11oz and Aster weighed 6 lbs 10 oz.  I was overjoyed at the blessings that God granted us.   Becky, Shane, and babies came home on the following Saturday.  Poor Winston was sick and did not return home for a week and that took a toll on his mom and dad.  Winston stayed with us and with Grandma Gigi and his poppop.  It is now Easter and I have purposed myself to get this blog out and I am happy to report that the babies are fine.  Winston has had some expected emotional issues but Shane and Becky are wonderful parents and are easing his way to big brotherhood.  On this day of rebirth when Jesus rose from the dead to open the gates of heaven for us I am ever minded of my great and abundant blessings.  Praise the Lord.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year 2015 and (oh gawd....) Resolutions

Its that time of year again when we make promises to ourselves and then backslide within a week.  I have decided to lower my own expectations and be more realistic thus creating a positive outlook for the new year.

1) Exercise 3 minutes a day. I can do more BUT 3 minutes a day is well within reason.
2) Only hit my snooze button twice instead of 6 times.  I set my alarm to allow myself SIX snoozies because somehow it seems like I am getting more sleep.  I cannot explain the logic in that exercise.
3) Keep my room clean and picked up.  
4) Once a week go through my room and dust, pick up my clothes and scrub the toilet.
5) Scrub the toilet if I have guests over, get a housekeeper  or if Milo refuses to drink out of the bowl.
6) Give away at least 10 pairs of shoes that I will never wear. Including the pair of heels that are fricking awesome that I have never been able to wear because they have 3 inch heels.
7) Do not watch QVC or look at anything that promises easy pay over 6 months. Okay this will be tough so I will do this for 6 months.  3months.
8) Go one day without mentioning or thinking about what a horrendous  president we have.
9) Do not say "Laaaad day" Becky will be jumping thru hoops over this one.  She despises that I say this.  I actually have been working on this for the last few months.
10) Throw out my size six thongs.  I will never ever get those on again and keeping them in my drawer will not make it happen.  Likewise my bikini.
11) Get rid of half of the make up in my makeup drawer.  I don't wear purple, green or silver eye shadow. The cherry red blush was an epic fail choice and it won't change color the older it gets.  Oh and all those little perfume samples are going.  Most of them make me smell like a little old lady with BO no matter how many times I try to use them. 
12) Make just enough dinner for two so that there are no leftovers.
13) Throw out ALL the salad dressing that are in the fridge that are out of date by a year.  For that matter throw out everything in the fridge as most of it is out of date, moldy or glued to the Tupperware.
14) Give away at least 20 cookbooks, I think I only cook once a year and that is at Christmas.  Having all those cookbooks will never make me Martha Stewart. 
15)Give away anything in my closet that is a size 18 because God help me I will never get that big again. 
16) Blog at least twice a month.  It makes me happy and  I really need to be happy more often. 
17) Learn all the words to "Let it Go" from Frozen and sing it to my granddaughter Allison.  She won't care that I sound like a frog. 
18) Brush my dog Milo at least 3 times a week.  I'm tired of sleeping in a fur bed.  Teach Milo to hold still while I use the sweeper on him. The accessory hose on my Dyson works like a charm.  Milo however doesn't like it much. 
19)Correct my potty mouth.  I have grandchildren and  I cuss like a sailor.   Sydni and Rebekah will not be happy if their children start dropping the F bomb.  I will not blame Stan if that happens.
20) I will mentally review everything that I want to say before my mouth opens up at least 10% of the time.  Considering I never do that any verbal reticence on my part will be  vast improvement

Happy New Year to all my friends and relatives.  May this year bring you untold joy and blessings.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas 2014

Every year I get more behind despite my promises to myself. I did not get my tree up  until the first of December  I did not get all my decorations out, in fact I only used about 6 of the 20+ boxes.  Next year I am starting in October which will mean,  because of my procrastination issues, that by Thanksgiving I will have  at least my tree up.  The upside to the sparse decorations is that I should be able to put everything away in a day. It made me somewhat sad not to have everything out because I now have a new little audience for my talking toys, stuffed animal displays, my collections of Santas and my many, many nativity sets.  I loved watching Winston just stand and look at the tree.   He just stood there with a smile on his face.  Then he and his cousins decided to rearrange some of the ornaments. That was the very reason that everything from 2 feet down was unbreakable. 


 
 
I am in awe watching the grandchildren.  I love seeing things thru their eyes,  I love experiencing the magic that only Christmas can bring.  Thank you Jesus for these gifts that you have given me.  Thank you for their innocence and their love for their Mawmaw. 
 
Christmas Eve was spent with my family.  Joshua in from working in West Virginia and his family, Rebekah and her family, Taunte Jill Forbes(my other "sister"), Frances and Benny Garrard and of course Stan and me.  I said the prayer and of course got teary eyed.  The older I get the more I get emotional when I pray, just like my mom used to.  I cannot look at my family and not feel so much love.  I have wonderful children and they have given me my grandchildren.  My heart is so very full that it overflows sometimes thru my eyes.  We had a wonderful dinner if I do say so myself.  Prime rib, all the casseroles, the two traditional  Jello dishes, a bottle or two of Rosa Ragale and several deserts.  In chaos we opened our stockings and our presents.  It was THE BEST watching the babies open their things.  They have such fun and it makes me happy to be a part of that process.  Jill and I partially cleaned up after everyone left and went to Rebekah's house to help her get ready for Christmas morning.  It has been rush, rush, rush for the last week and I have not spent time thinking about the true meaning of the holiday.  Tonight just before I sat to write this  I read the most beautiful words ever written ( crying while I read of course)and I want to share them with you:
 
"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given: and The Government shall be upon His Shoulder: and His Name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty GOD, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His Government and peace there shall be no end, upon the Throne of David, and upon His Kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the LORD of Hosts will perform this"(Isaiah 9:6-7).
Luke 2:1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. 2:2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) 2:3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. 2:4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) 2:5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with Child.
 2:6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
 
2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 2:9 And, lo, the angel of the LORD came upon them, and the glory of the LORD shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the LORD. 2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. 2:15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into Heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the LORD hath made known unto us. 2:16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. 2:17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this Child. 2:18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 2:19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. 2:20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them. 2:21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the Child, His Name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before He was conceived in the womb

What a glorious day, this celebration of Jesus birth.  I hope this day found you filled with love, and family.  I hope that your wishes came true and I pray that the Baby in the manger finds his way into your heart. 
So to my family: Joshua and Sydni Hart, their children Aries and Allison, Rebakah and Shane Garrard and their son  Winston, to Taunte Jill, and to Stan, I love you all to the moon and back.  You are my heart.