The Spring and Summer of 2020 and I want a do over. I am who I am so get over it

I have been struggling to write for the past few months.  There is so much going on in our personal lives and in the country that it is mind boggling to even begin to sit down and compose coherent sentences.  Every day brings something new that has me shaking my head at the idiocy of our fellow Americans and leaves me wondering when it will stop.  When will the FEW stop being able to dictate to the majority. 

We are still semi quarantined due to CV19.  Masks are good, masks are bad.  Groups are bad UNLESS you are taking part in a demonstration.  Proms were called off, graduations changed, and church participation had to be limited.  Our families were buried without gathering, weddings were changed or called off because of state ordered limits to attendance.  We couldn't get our hair done, our mani-pedi appointments had to be cancelled until the last month and our eyelash extensions had to be delayed.  I realize the last examples are strictly vanity items but I am telling you  women were so pissed off that they were getting boot leg beauty treatments.  Our states were closing down businesses that they deemed as non essential and causing devastating losses.   Some may never recover. 

 It is difficult not to believe that especially in the democratically controlled states that this is designed to  keep the job loss at a maximum especially before this very important presidential election. The Russia Collusion effort failed and has proven to be a manufactured event to unseat our President, the impeachment trial was a bust as well, then Covid 19, a real manufactured virus from China hit our shores mid January.  The White House put up travel restrictions the end of the month for those from China unless Americans and then they had to quarantine. Around the same time Nancy Pelosi, (D-Ca) was encouraging people to attend the Chinese New Year Celebrations. The mayor of New Orleans made the statement that if told to do so she would have canceled Mardi Gras on Feb 25.  Easy to say in hindsight and I would bet good money that had Trump called her and told her to cancel the events and parades Mayor Cantrell would have told him to kiss her butt. Mardi Gras brings in around 1 BILLION dollars.  The first CV19 illness took place 2 weeks after that.  Unless she lives under a rock and never watches the news there is no reason that she could not have reasoned out that there is a virus out there in the world that has come to the United States late January and that having over a million people descend on her town from all over the world wasn't a good idea.  She didn't want to take the heat for the economic liability and wanted someone to blame.

Corona is here to stay.  I have lost friends to the virus.  I know its real and deadly but I also know that we have to go back to work and save our economy.  We have to use common sense and protection but we need to work.  They promise a vaccine  on the horizon but I for one will not take it.  At least for  a year or so.  I want to see the long range outcomes. Like the flu vaccine it will not prevent it but will lesson the course.   The President came out touting hydroxychloroquine as a treatment.  He was shot down faster than a mallard during duck season.  It is not a cure but in many cases elevates the symptoms combined with a cocktail of  Zithromax, Vit C, D and Zinc.  The 'experts' came out of the woodwork poopooing all the claims.  As Leonard Ravenhill wrote "A man with an experience (of God) is never at the mercy of a man with an argument. I know many doctors (thank God) that state that it works and are giving it to their clients with consistently positive results. I have read multiple papers that discuss the positive outcome for Corona viruses and SARS using hydroxychloroquine.   Thank you President Trump for bringing our attention to this medication it IS saving lives.  Different states are in different levels of 'opening up' Schools are slowly reopening with modifications. Is there going to be an increase of the virus? Yes but they still need to go back.  Children need interaction with their peers.  And after months of homeschooling believe me they need their teachers.  

May 25 George Floyd  was killed during an arrest in Minneapolis.  There is no one white or black that wasn't horrified  by the circumstances. Yes he was a criminal under the influence BUT he did not deserve to die.   It touched off violent protests in major cities that have caused millions and millions in property damage and loss of businesses.  BLM and ANTIFA were out in force and looting was at an all high.  I saw a meme that summed it up. It showed people carrying out TVs and Shoes from a store all the while with smiles on their faces.... the meme said nothing expresses grief like a large screen TV and Nikes. I know that some protests were peaceful but they were hijacked by criminals.  The message was lost while the nation watched in horror at the destruction that continues today.  I personally want it stopped by ANY means.  Looters, any color or nationality, should be shot on sight. That would put an end to wanton destruction.  Portland is still having riots and property destruction.  In Seattle the beginning the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone was founded by a loosely organized group of protestors with the main vision of defunding and removing the police.  It was to be a police free  utopia that was shut down because of violence.  In less than a month they had 2 gun related homicides and several more additional shooting.  All across the country are calls for defunding the police.  I am stocking up on guns and ammo.  Just in case. Just for the record I support our men in BLUE. 

The posts on Face Book encourage me to believe that I am racist because I believe that all lives matter. I do not value a black life over a white, brown or yellow life,  I was taught by example by my mother that color of skin is not how you judge a person. You judge them by what is inside of their hearts and their outward actions .In a later post I will write about my 7th birthday and the lesson in race that my mom taught me.    I owe NO  financial  reparations  for something that happened to no one that is currently alive.  Further more I had no one in my family that owned slaves. I understand the concept of white privilege, I really do. In elementary school we read the book "Black Like Me" by John Howard Griffin. It opened my eyes to the South but I lived in the North and apparently was clueless.   I grew up poor in Columbus.  We had enough food and a roof over our heads.  Some of my black friends in high school were better off but I never was envious.....that is just how it was.  I lost an advancement at Ohio State to a friend of mine.  Our grade points were equal but he was black. He told me that was the reason.   I really think that was the first time I realized that we were being judged by the color of our skin and it honestly bothered me, not because I thought I was better but that 'someone' chose him because of his skin color . Now I realize some of the difficulties he must have faced because of his skin color.   I however, took my licks and changed my focus.  We were still friends and I honestly was glad for him.  Moving on to today we have tee-shirts, hats, and posters that proclaim Black Lives Matter.   The movement started in 2013 after the death of Trevon Martin. It was basically a decentralized organization that has gained ground in recent years.  Currently 100 million has been pledged to the group in addition to the 33 Million in grants from George Soros.  Many are now questioning what is being done with the money to help the black community.  There have been no definite answers.  One of the co founders Patrisse Cullors is a Marxist who mentored under Eric Mann(SDS & Weather  Underground  domestic  terror organization).  In a video she proclaims that she and other co founder Alicia Garza are trained Marxists.   I have no illusions about this organization at all and will not give a dime of my money for their support.  What is hysterical is that Planned Parenthood is verbally s supporting BLM.  Its about time that they supported and got behind the black population considering the  Planned parenthood founder Margaret Sanger's belief that they needed to control the black population.  It was founded to kill those in society deem unfit to live not just blacks.  

Moving on to ANTIFA( short for antifascist)who often use violence to get their point across. When ever they attend a protest, violence will happen.  Allegedly they are against the far right ideology and frequently quote what happened in Germany during Hitler's time as something they need to prevent..... by using the same tactics and violence that Hitler's followers did.  Doesn't make sense to me.  They are ideologically against and have physically  come out against conservative speakers thus preventing free speech.  Sounds like fascism  to me.  Cancel culture refers to "the popular practice of withdrawing support for {canceling} public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive", Who makes that decision? Who has the right to choose what I want to hear or believe and cancel out those things  they deem inappropriate... who is the 'whoever' that wants to make those decisions for me. If you don't go along you are labeled a racist, homophobe, xenophobe, sexist and misogynist to name a few of the tags.  Man, no one wants to be called one of those names.... people look at you funny.  It doesn't matter if it's not true, the act of calling a person that leaves a stain.  I am frankly so very glad that I have reached an age that I don't give a shit.  The people that know me know what I believe and stand for in my life. But this tactic cows even the strongest persons.  I have watched it time and time again.   The few control the majority by violence in action and in speech  During this summer of violence  we have seen statues toppled buildings defaced and police murdered.  I remember one time I told one of my relatives that Obama was starting a war on police. I was told that there was no war on police.  I was right and that is one discussion I wish I hadn't won.

Any person in history that had ANYTHING to do with slaves is condemned.   Names of buildings, schools and memorials have been  vandalized  with some notable exceptions.  New York is still New York and that city's namesake was a prolific slave trader, Yale is still Yale even though its namesake was a slave trader.  Harvard, Princeton \, Columbia, Yale and the University of Virginia were built on the backs of slaves.  Slaves served faculty and students and yet they still stand.     You cannot change or erase history to do so brings great peril.  It is what it was.  Because of the lessons learned throughout the  years we have struggled to become better people.  George Santayana said "Those that cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"

The most common complaint I have heard during the shut down and quarantine is the inequality.  10,000 people attended George Floyd's funeral visitation that was open for six hours.  Everywhere else you could only gather in groups of 10 or less.. Mayor Lightfoot of Chicago closed down salons but got her hair done " because she is the face of the city ".  I really could be unkind here but I will resist.    It's okay to protest and riot but not go to church. I  could go on and on. People are pissed because of the mask  its "for our own good" but not everyone has to wear one.     The mask is here to stay at least for a long long while. It does have advantages like I can crinkle up my eyes like I am smiling but still stick my tongue out.  Juvenile right??  It still hasn't stopped me from practicing in front of a mirror.

I haven't even touched on the liberal socialization of our wonderful country but that is for another day.  I probably have offended many people by this post, tough.  Get a thicker skin. 

Easter and the Empty Tomb

Never in my lifetime have I experienced an Easter holiday like this year.  For sixty eight years I have had the opportunity to go to church, bask in the music, and listen to the message about my risen Savior.  This year in many states you can get arrested  if you gather in a house of God, synogogue, or mosque.  A weapon was unleashed in China that has nearly crippled our country.  We have quarantine orders that forbid gatherings of more than 6, some states have closed their borders, businesses are closed or operating in a totally different manner causing financial hardship for many employees.  Hospitals are at capacity and heath care workers are putting their lives on the line to care for the sick.  COVID19 has changed the way we socialize, shop, work and gather together.  People are financially devastated and expecting to be taken care of by the government. And still there are those who continue to flaunt the rules and take a chance getting ill or worse yet passing this virus to someone else. Those that care are staying in place especially if they are still working.  My daughters in-laws, Pop pop and Gigi have not seen Winston, Patton, and Aster since this began as they have the care of their elderly father. .  My hear hurts for them as I know what the ache of not seeing your grandchildren feels like.   I do not know when this virus passes, and it will, what changes it will leave in it's wake.  Will we no longer greet people with a kiss, hug, or even a handshake?  I hope not I have more faith in our resilence, it may take time but I believe that we will bounce back.  I look forward to greeting people with a hug. 

Timothy Cardinal Dolan  Archbishop of New York gave an anology that resonated with me.  In talking about the empty churches he stated that" before we can be full we got to be empty.  The essence of Easter Sunday morning was what? The empty tomb.  The broken, dead body of Jesus was not there .  He had risen from the dead".  The tomb was empty Jesus had risen from the dead. For those that believe ,his crucifiction and resurection have given us the path to everlasting life.   The "church " is simply a pretty building where we go all dressed up to meet and greet our neighbors .  What we have to remember is that we are the Church not the building.  We are the living stones that St. Peter spoke about.  Our normal everyday  lives have been  stripped away by a devil named COVID19. In his wake he has left anxiety, fear, and depression.  What I want you to remember is that Jesus is alive.  He is walking in each home and is sending his army of angels to minister to those that believe.  We just have to open our hearts and except the gift that he gave us.  We are not alone.  In our  forced seculsion we can shut out the world and move into a dark area of depression or we can reach out by phone and social media and share the glorious story of the ressurection.  We have church on TV and on the internet we can sing, raise our arms and praise God.  We now have time to open our Bibles and delve into the word of God. We are being emptied out physically, emotionally,  and financially  and when we are emptied out.  the Holy Spirit can fill up the void that is left if we allow Him in.    Tonight on the eve of the empty tomb I will pray that each of you will hunger for the word and will seek the Son.  God Bless you all. 

1Peter 2  vs 1-5  Therefore laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and all evil speaking as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious. Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holdy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ

COVID 19 , Partial Retirement and Hope

Not everyone is aware but I resigned my ED position last Saturday at the insistance of my NP, MD and family.  They were all concerned about my age, BMI, and heart history of PVCs among other issues.  I turned in my notice last Saturday after a week of sleepless nights and worry about myself, my co-workers and my community.  I have been at St. Martin Hospital  for over 20 years and in many ways  my hospital co-workers are like extended family. I will miss the people in the community.  Often I would take care of new moms that I had cared for when they were babies.  I have mourned the deaths of patients that I have come to know so well and been fortunately blessed to celebrate  happy times as well.   COVID 19 has overtaken this country and we are in fear.  I have talked to so many nurses from all over who have expressed concern that they could catch this and die.  Some have questioned whether or not they should quit.  I have no answers I just know that the fear IS rampid and its toll on health care workers and ancillary staff is causing crippling anxiety and depression for many.  The shortage of supplies in many areas is a major concern and causing staff to reuse PPEs especially masks when they should be thrown away.  The jury is out on mask protection. Some say that to only mask those with symptoms, others feel that all ED staff and patients  should be masked for everyones protection against possible exposure.  I dont't have any answers I just know that you can find pros and cons everywhere you look.  If masking makes you feel safer then by all means wear your mask.  My Texsas friend told me she is prepared to fashion garbage bags if necessary to protect her clothing.  As a heath care professional I feel we should do what ever it is that makes us feel safe to decrease the anxiety so prevalent, so I told my friend to go for it but PLEASE send me a picture!

My first day off work was last Sunday when during the night I had a small fever and came to work when it was down.  I got to work and took my mandatory pre-work temp and it was still at 99.5.  I didn't feel great but keep in mind the previous comment about anxiety which I was manifesting.  The staff sent me home.  I cried.  I knew that I was gone forever from my job.  My age and phyicality had finally caught up with me.  I saw my NP that Monday and was tested.  She basically told me that regardless of the outcome that I was out of that enviorment and she sent my excuse by  email because she did not want me to go back into the hospital.  I needed a few supplies to tide me over untill Easter so I went home to prepare for my shopping trip.  Those that know me would NEVER accuse me of being a germaphobe.  I planned this trip like I was going into battle.  I had my N95, gloves and spray bottle of bleach solution.  I went to the store got out put my mask and gloves on.  I sprayed a paper towel with bleach got my basket and wiped it down.  I selected the few things that I needed and checked out .  I went to my car.. still with the same gloves.  i opened the trunk got my bleach bottle and sprayed my gloves I took everything out  including my People magazine and  sprayed everthing and placed in my car.  I shut the hatch then sprayed the outside of the lock area, sprayed the handle of my car, took the old gloves off and put new ones on.  I then wiped down my seat and steering wheel.  I sprayed the tops and bottoms of my shoes.    When I got home I put everything away and then sprayed the counters off.  I was exhausted  and when I sat down reviewed my trip and obsessed that I was not careful enough.  I communicated my crazy behavior with a friend and she basically said "hold my beer" and told me what she did to feel safe.  I'm not so bad!!! Just a month ago had she told me her routine I would have called her crazy.   Any package that is delivered is brought inside my fence, sprayed with bleach on all sides and left to dry before being brought into my home.  My daughter has me quarantined till Easter then I can go back to caring for the kids.  They are safe.  They see no one, go no where and I can safely watch them and go back to homeschooling.  I am not so good at that and have a new respect for ALL teachers..

I feel adrift like I am at sea and cannot find my footing.  I have always been a nurse.  44 years and counting in a field that has brought me so much agony and joy. I now have to figure out exactly who I really am without the protection of my scrubs.  Financially I have to work but for the next few months will be a MImi, a teacher, a mom, and a friend.  I will de-clutter my house again and enjoy my solitude.  I am spending most days in my jammies without make up and wigs.  My hair is down to my shoulders and gets pinned up.  I talk to my dogs and spend time on the phone.  I watched Tiger King at the insistance of  my niece Carrie White.  As an aside,  I believe he is inocent albeit an excentric, loony toon who has no business owning a rat let alone  tigers.  Oh before I forget  the Tiger Queen( my name for that crazy woman),Carol Baskin killed her husband AND lest we forget, Jeffery Epstein did NOT kill himself.

Our country under Trump has enjoyed unprecedented unemployment with Hispanic and African American unemployement the lowest ever recorded, Increased manufacturing jobs,  made America first not just a slogan but a realized dream for so many of us.  I personally saw more money in my check each pay day.  I could go on and on and on.  Then COVID 19 came along.  I listen with sadness all the things he has supposedly done wrong in handling this epidemic.  There could have been things done differently but  we are the cause of the spread of this virus.  We have been told to stay home and avoid social interactions and oh so many have chosen not to obey that directive and the virus has spread  Hindsight is always so good. The idiot mayor of New Orleans LaToya Cantrell(D) said she would have canceled Mardi Gras if the President told her too do so..  Riiiiiiight    Mardi Gras was weeks before  WHO declaired CV-19 a pandemic.  I would bet my right arm that had Trump suggested just that, she would have ignored it and went ahead with the celebrations. She is clueless or never watched TV and could have come to the conclusion that having a million plus   people decend on her town from all over the world might not be a good idea. We now must deal with the hand we have been dealt.  We must come together and forge ahead  and not lose hope.  We have each other... at a distance .... but we have each other.

My parting thought is  about those patients in the hospital with CV-19 and in the intensive care units on vents.  I have been bothered by the isolation.   All hospitals that I am aware of have stopped all visitation.  So your relatives are alone at what is probably the worst time of their life. Some are dying alone with only their overworked nurse and doctor in attendance.  Knowing their diagnosis upon entering the unit I am sure that they are feeling hopeless.  Why can't we use our handy dandy telecom machines to take from room to room so that families can at least talk to and see their loved ones even if they cannot talk back.  I would want to hear my son and daughter's voice and that of my precious grandchildren I would be filled with joy to see their faces.  I would not feel so alone.  I would take their words of hope and wishes for recovery and  just maybe would marshal the extra nebulous  "something"  that  I would need to survive.  And if the worst happenes my family would know that they were able to say their  goodbyes.

Lord I come to you in prayer that you will protect all of our front line people and that you will bless each person that has reached inside of themselves to help better the suffering of another.  I pray that you will guide and direct our scientists, all health care workers,  and first responders. I ask for abundant blessings for those who are delivering our supplies and food.  I pray for our  country and for ALL affected by this virus around the world. I pray that you will look in favor at the people who are meeting needs of their friends and neighbors.  I pray for those hospitalized   that you will pour your spirit down upon them so that they know that they are not alone and that their fear will be eased.   I pray in Jesus name.
Amen

... if my people, who have been called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then  I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin, and I will heal their land
 2 Chronicles 7:14

Eye See You Better

I always write about my notable medical experiences.  Not that I think anyone other than family would be interested( hum... maybe not even family ).  If one person is helped by my critique then its worth it.  The other plus is that I really like writing.
A month before Stan's death I had cataract surgery in both eyes a week apart.  I was so excited with the prospect of only needing reading glasses that I was ordering really cute readers in different strengths prior to the first cut.  Obviously I have impulse control issues and I now have enough readers I could stock my own store.  It didn't work out as planned and I am one of the rare people who still need glasses however my vision has greatly improved.  Prior to surgery the big 'E' was blurry.  I have 20/40 out of my left eye now and slightly worse out of my right eye so I am very grateful.

La Haye Total Eye Care is a huge well run business.  When I first walked in to be examined I felt initially that I was in an assembly line of visioned impaired individuals.  You go to the desk, check in, get called to the back, examined, returned to the front and then meet with the surgical planner who gives you your implant options.  Nothing could be farther from reality.  I felt like I was very special at each encounter.  At the front desk I was met with smiles and instructions for filling out the paper work.  When I was called to the back I had several different tests that each purpose  was explained to me in detail.  Yes I am a nurse but I have no real clue about eyes.  I just know if you have sudden vision loss it is a medical emergency and that is about the extent of my knowledge.  Every question was answered and no one gave the impression that I was asking ridiculous questions to begin with.  The first visit was about 3 hours from beginning to end.  It was a GREAT three hours.  I met really great people and most important I had fun! I left the back relaxed and truly feeling that I was in the best hands. My final stop was the office where I had to pick out the kind of implant that I wanted.   You have three choices.  The first is implants that correct distance only. The second choice is implants that correct distance in one eye and near vision in the other.  The third  and most expensive was that each eye was corrected for both vision types. Remember me telling you initially that I had ordered several readers?  Well I obviously opted for the first with just distance correction.  Surgical papers were then signed and I was asked if I wanted a picture with Dr. La Haye just after surgery.  It took me back a little until it was explained to me that option became available because people didn't think that he did the surgery.  I opted for the picture because I knew it would be hysterical.   Dr. La Haye has several ophthalmologists  that work for him and do the initial studies.  You  don't meet Dr. La Haye until the day of surgery when you have a brief consult.  The day of surgery was again like a well oiled machine.  I have no clue just how many people he does a day but the surgical waiting room was full.  I got called to the back and prepped and finally met Dr. La Haye. I had brought a bunny eared head band in hopes that he would put it on me for our  picture.  He is a really a great doc.  He is professional and obviously has a great sense of humor to put up with me. The surgical nurses were on the ball, professional and despite the multiple cases they were dealing with, they kept me informed of what was going on.  I was moved from space to space until I was taken into the surgical suite.  Then I woke up.  The whole experience was  uneventful and very pleasant.  I had no pain that Tylenol didn't take care of and had no post surgical issues except an apparent allergy to the eye drops. The eye drops are a necessary evil.  Dear God I felt like I was always putting drops in my eyes.  They gave me a paper so that I could keep track of my times and doses.  I repeatedly pissed and moaned about the drops and they listened and gave reassurance. My complaining  didn't work,  I STILL had to put them in my eyes.  My post op visits were done by the ophthalmologists.  I saw Dr. Smith the most so he, by virtue of handling all my issues,  (poor man) had become my favorite.  I have been back several times for rechecks and each time I feel like I am visiting friends.  Was my whole experience perfect? No it wasn't ,  there was a small glitch that when voiced was immediately handled and addressed.  So l guess considering that they listened to what I had to say and responded to me it was really perfect. There are not enough  positive adjectives to cover my experience from beginning to end.  They take their mission statement as gospel.  Thank you to everyone you have been such a blessing to me.   I have included  the two most important pictures  from my visit

Post Christmas,Disney, Keto and Change

I have again broken  a personal resolution that I made to myself to blog at least once a week so I am going to write about all of my activities since my last post.
My house is pretty much finished.  Josh and Belle managed to get my bedroom done and my bathroom partially finished.  I want to tear out my "wet" area of my bathroom and redo it so Joshua made it more livable and put new flooring and sealed the whole area.  He also removed the disgusting shower door and put a shower curtain in its place. I love it.  It makes the shower look so much bigger.  My plan is to remove the jacuzzi tub and shower and tile the whole area.  I want to make it more accessible to a wheelchair .... not that I plan on using one in the near future but I am trying to think ahead.  Joshua Soileau is a all around handyman that I have been using to do the other jobs that my Josh could not get to.  He is a perfectionist and I am blessed to have found him.

Christmas was bittersweet for me this year.  This was the first time in three years that I have been able to have people over and have decorations up.  I was proud and thrilled when I looked around my home.  As I said before my home may not be your style but it is mine and I love it.  I sat one night with the tree on and everyone was sleeping.  My thoughts turned to Stan and wishing that he could have seen this.  My house has been transformed and it is wonderful to be able to have guests over without hesitation.   Several months ago Fatima had its grandparents day and when I was in Winston's room he said "I really miss papastan and wanted him to be here".  Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw someone that looked like Stan.  I turned and no one was there. Now I have had time to time "dream" visitations from my mom in times of need so I am choosing to believe that Stan came to Winston's special day.  I told Winston that I believe that his papastan was there.  "really Mimi?" I think so Winston because he loved you so much that he would not have wanted to miss this. I was pretty shook up because I really thought I saw him.

We had our celebration on the 14th because I had to work on Christmas.  I had my usual dinner of prime rib and all the casseroles.  I had both of my kids and their kids and my daughter's in-laws, Benny and Francis .  Michael and Maria Felton and their daughter Arianna came and of course Aunt Ruthie and Taunte Jill rounded out the guest list. This was the best time I have had in years.  Presents to the grand kids were plentiful but slim compared to previous years because I had a special surprise for Joshua and his kids.  It was the best kept secret ever.  I was taking them to Disneyland for a 4 day vaca.  The kids did not know till they arrived and the video of them realizing where they were was priceless.  Maria Felton (Disney queen) planned the whole vacation starting last summer.  I was beside myself with excitement. A February Disney trip is also going to happen for my Garrards!
Disney is wonderful and you would need at least a month to see and do everything.  We stayed at Art of Animation and Pop Century on site.  Walking thru Disney is something that you really need to be in shape for AND not be 80lbs over weight, old and have a bad hip.  One hour in and I was ready to go home.  I was in serious pain.  We  could not get a scooter as they were all rented out so Maria got a wheelchair.  I would like to say here that I was initially humiliated with the wheelchair but it was a necessity.  Maria pushed me all over the Magic Kingdom.  The first day they got to dress up as pirates.  I cannot say enough wonderful things about the experience.  It was a ridiculous amount of money but worth every penny.

They got to choose pirate names, pick the pirate they wanted to be and at the end took the pirate oath.  They had a blast.  The next dress up day was the prince and princess day  She chose Aurora and he was a prince.  They sprinkled large glitter on his head representing dragon scales.  The costumes were incredible and will be worn in playtime many times over!.  Getting around Disney is much easier on a scooter which I had the last three days.  Its worth the cost because I could not have gone anywhere I was so limited with my hip.  People do stare at you.  That was an uncomfortable feeling.  After the first day I didn't care.  We had character meals every day and the kids got their pictures with their favorite Disney characters.  We went to a dessert party with Captain Hook and watched the fireworks from a boat.  Peter Pan met us afterwords at the dock.  Waiting times for rides was up to several hours but thanks to Maria's planning we had "fast passes" for rides.  I watched the kids early one morning and Josh and Belle set out in the rain at 6am to get to the park at first opening to ride Avatar.  They did not have a fast pass.  They sprinted to the ride and still had to wait over an hour but as they left the wait was up to several hours.  They both said it was awesome and worth the wait.

I shopped and shopped and shopped.  Who KNEW that I needed Mickey ears for each day?  I didn't realize that I needed them but now have five sets.  As a season pass holder I get 20% off of all gift shop items.  I do like a sale.  It rained part of each day and that didn't diminish our fun or stop us.  We still had a blast.

I drove down with Maria and Arianna and drove home by myself.  They were spending and extra few days and waiting for Michael to join them.  On the way home I stopped by Reddick Florida to Debi Grunnah's home to meet Koray an Anatolian Sheppard that needed to be re homed.  She is a sweet 8 year old who acts like she is 3. We got along and I brought her home.  Joshua Soileau was doing the final touches in closing in my back yard.  I drove straight home and she has integrated herself into my family.  Her favorite people seem to be the kids and she plays with them in the back yard and when someone  walks by the fence she goes to the fence and waits for them

to pass by before she returns to the kids.  This breed is everything and more than what I expected.  I easily can see myself with another in the next year or so.

I made the mistake of weighing myself  when I went back to work and was stunned to realize that I had gained 15 pounds since Thanksgiving.  Yes I ate...whatever I wanted when I wanted it.  I then realized why my pants were tight.  I thought they shrunk in the wash(I wish).  I started keto immediately and have not cheated once.  I am finally at the stage where sweets do not look good to me and I have pan fried(in a non stick pan) what seems like 50 lbs of cheese for crispy little snacks.  Yum.  There are down sides to keto that i have found.  The first being constipation.  You cannot eat pounds of cheese and not pay attention to the last time you pooped.  Believe me I know this for a fact.  I will not go into the details but trust me when I tell you I am now keeping track of this function.  The second thing is "Keto crotch".  Look it up its real.  I developed symptoms of a yeast issue that progressed over several days and was using an over the counter preparation to remedy the situation.  I seemed to have developed a sensitivity to the "cure" and on the last night was awake pacing the floor.  I messaged my NP but did not send the message till the next day.  I was miserable in the extreme.I had a fan to my nether regions and when that didn't help used an ice pack. The final sentence to her was as follows:  " I am asking you no no no I am begging you to call me in a prescription for diflucan with 3 refills just in case. My Miss Puss will be forever thankful" She called it in.   The upside is I am down 10 lbs and feel pretty good.  I have got to get this weight off sooner than later.

This has been a year of change for me and my family.  We are all doing well I think.  The most honest thing I can say is I am content with myself and my enviornment.  I think that is enough for now.  My goal to de-stress my life as much as possible and to learn to enjoy myself.  Life is to be lived to the fullest and I want that.

Moving Forward

I woke up this morning realizing the one thing I love to do is to blog and i hardly do so anymore.  I am consumed with fixing my house up and working.  I thank God every day for Joshua and Belle.  My house is so very different than it was 6 months ago due to their combined efforts.  I walk in the back door and I am HAPPY.  I cannot express the number of people that have come in and their initial statement is that it feels "calm"  Belle told me that my house looks like an Airrbnb in Florida. I could not be happier with that description.  My colors are sea salt green on the walls and trimmed in white.  Everywhere.  I have a few other colors tossed in to give it some life but its all "beachy" tones.  I love the beach.  Let me clarify that I do not like the sand, heat, and humidity but I love the water.  My friend Jojo Lapp bought me a flamingo wine holder years ago.  My house is pretty much a home  now to that goofy flamingo.  I was in Hobby Lobby yesterday to have pictures framed  and found a flamingo toilet paper holder.  I bought it.  It really is  silly looking but it made me laugh and will go in the guest bathroom to compliment the shower curtain that is a picture of shells and sand.  Would this new decoration qualify me for home beautiful?  Indeed not but when you go to the bathroom you will laugh and that is pretty much the point.

The deer heads that graced my entryway for 20 years have been re-homed to Rebekah's.  In their place is a wall of pictures of my children.  I have so many that I am going to hang.  I have different frames. I have store bought frames and I have professionally done frames.  I have been told that I need to keep to the same type of frames to have a better "staging" look to the wall.  Guess what, my house, my rules, my frames.  If it offends anyone sensibility then don't look.  I will walk down that long hall of pictures and it will bring back memories that I cherish and that is the point.   In the hall leading to the bedrooms is the "creative" area for my kids and grand kids.  I have hung pictures that my children created when they were small and  have added the pictures that my grandchildren made for me.  I have a picture that they each created of Mimi with each child.  They are really great.  Then I had them do a free style picture of anything they wanted.  These will be changed each year in the summer.  I also have current paintings that my  son his children and Belle have made.  I am going to hang needle point pictures that I have done and an oil painting that I did when i was in the fourth grade.  Is it busy looking? You bet but it is wonderful for me to see all those things that they have done and that I have done.  Again it is my house and my rules.  My best part of my house is my fireplace.  My son hung pictures of my grand kids that Belle took and my last years group picture of my grands and me.  I cried when I saw it.  They are my heart and joy and the first thing I see when I walk in my back door.

The last major thing on my home to-do list is my bedroom and bath.  That will be done in the next few weeks.  There are tons of little things that need to be done like painting the rest of the woodwork that has not been completed and my counter tops in my kitchen.  Skip Woods a friend of Joshua's  has an incredible artistic talent.  He is going to do all my kitchen counter tops in epoxy.  The base color will be white with two different blues and pearl, silver, pewter metallic.  He owns a business called Liquid Stone Designs.  I am eventually having all the popcorn stuff taken off the ceilings but that is later and done a room at a time.

I am approaching my favorite time of the year.  I live for Christmas and have not been able to have decorations or guests over for the last 3 years.  This year Christmas has returned to my home.  I will have a tree in my dining room and in my front room.  I will have my Santas out on display and I will have people over for my Christmas dinner a week before the actual date.  I am beside myself with excitement.  I have so many blessings to be thankful for but this one is the best. 

I have spent the last few months getting rid of "stuff" .  I have gifted many items and gave a lot to the shelter but still managed to fill up 2 construction dumpsters.  I could probably fill up a third.  It has been bitter sweet getting rid of "things".  I still have too much but it will take more thought to divest myself of the rest.  I just don't want my kids saddled with the same problems that I had when it comes time for me to "buy the farm" .  I should have just said "died" but that is such a harsh word.  I made a will with a real attorney.  We laughed our way through it.  The final question she asked was what I wanted done with my body. I gave it some thought and said I didn't care if I was cremated or buried but made her write in the will that if they had a viewing that I be laid in the casket in soft cotton pajamas, preferably "Cuddle-Duds" from QVC.  They are the best.  I should probably get a new set and put them aside.  Just in case.  I made distributions to my kids and grand kids of the few things that I have of value and the rest is up to them.  I actually feel relieved that this job was done.  It has weighed heavily on me since Stan died because he did not leave a will and that was a pain in the butt for all concerned.

Finally before I stop I just want to say that I am fine.  I have moments that I wish that he were here to see what we have done with the house.  I think he would have liked it.  He would not be happy about the deer heads but such is the way of moving forward.  They have a nice new home.  I am not sure Rebekah is happy about it but Shane was happy as were the kids.  I will post of blog of  just the before and after pictures at a later date.

It feels good to write again and to express myself.  More to come.

September 11, 2001. 18 Years and Counting

I remember like it was yesterday.  Debbie Quebedeaux called me and woke me up with the news that we had been attacked.  I stayed glued to the TV all day and cried.  I cannot explain to someone who doesn't remember that day what it meant to me.  Watching the towers collapse took my breath.  I cried till my chest hurt.  Watching the people leap from the windows taking their own lives devastated me but it was the last thing they had control of and made that horrific decision.  We promised to never forget. We promised to never forget that Islamic Extremists want our country destroyed.   We stood together holding our flags as we watched memorial service after memorial service.  We grieved for people we didn't know as if they were family.  We pulled together and we were proud to be Americans.  I do not recognize our 2019 country .  When Obama was elected in 2009 he promised to fundamentally transform the United States of America.  He ushered in our rapid decent into the country that we are today.  People bash President Trump but I voted for him and will do so again.  God forbid if we have another 9/11 like incident.  If we do the best man to deal with it would be Trump
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 On 9/11, 2001 we had an enemy.  This enemy wanted to destroy us and drop us to our knees. This enemy had a face and an ideology. This enemy didn't realize that an all out attack against our country would galvanize and bring us together. What I see happening now is an internal attack against our morals, values, and our uniqueness that makes us the greatest country in the world. That damage done by this kind of attack may be permanent as we are complacent. 

I will never forget and I will tell my grandchildren about that day.  I will not give them a watered down version about what happened.  I will tell them the day that America changed.  We cannot take our eyes off of our freedom and allow others to take away what was given to us  in the constitution. We can never forget. what Ronald Reagan said "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction" 

God Bless America