Post Christmas,Disney, Keto and Change

I have again broken  a personal resolution that I made to myself to blog at least once a week so I am going to write about all of my activities since my last post.
My house is pretty much finished.  Josh and Belle managed to get my bedroom done and my bathroom partially finished.  I want to tear out my "wet" area of my bathroom and redo it so Joshua made it more livable and put new flooring and sealed the whole area.  He also removed the disgusting shower door and put a shower curtain in its place. I love it.  It makes the shower look so much bigger.  My plan is to remove the jacuzzi tub and shower and tile the whole area.  I want to make it more accessible to a wheelchair .... not that I plan on using one in the near future but I am trying to think ahead.  Joshua Soileau is a all around handyman that I have been using to do the other jobs that my Josh could not get to.  He is a perfectionist and I am blessed to have found him.

Christmas was bittersweet for me this year.  This was the first time in three years that I have been able to have people over and have decorations up.  I was proud and thrilled when I looked around my home.  As I said before my home may not be your style but it is mine and I love it.  I sat one night with the tree on and everyone was sleeping.  My thoughts turned to Stan and wishing that he could have seen this.  My house has been transformed and it is wonderful to be able to have guests over without hesitation.   Several months ago Fatima had its grandparents day and when I was in Winston's room he said "I really miss papastan and wanted him to be here".  Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw someone that looked like Stan.  I turned and no one was there. Now I have had time to time "dream" visitations from my mom in times of need so I am choosing to believe that Stan came to Winston's special day.  I told Winston that I believe that his papastan was there.  "really Mimi?" I think so Winston because he loved you so much that he would not have wanted to miss this. I was pretty shook up because I really thought I saw him.

We had our celebration on the 14th because I had to work on Christmas.  I had my usual dinner of prime rib and all the casseroles.  I had both of my kids and their kids and my daughter's in-laws, Benny and Francis .  Michael and Maria Felton and their daughter Arianna came and of course Aunt Ruthie and Taunte Jill rounded out the guest list. This was the best time I have had in years.  Presents to the grand kids were plentiful but slim compared to previous years because I had a special surprise for Joshua and his kids.  It was the best kept secret ever.  I was taking them to Disneyland for a 4 day vaca.  The kids did not know till they arrived and the video of them realizing where they were was priceless.  Maria Felton (Disney queen) planned the whole vacation starting last summer.  I was beside myself with excitement. A February Disney trip is also going to happen for my Garrards!
Disney is wonderful and you would need at least a month to see and do everything.  We stayed at Art of Animation and Pop Century on site.  Walking thru Disney is something that you really need to be in shape for AND not be 80lbs over weight, old and have a bad hip.  One hour in and I was ready to go home.  I was in serious pain.  We  could not get a scooter as they were all rented out so Maria got a wheelchair.  I would like to say here that I was initially humiliated with the wheelchair but it was a necessity.  Maria pushed me all over the Magic Kingdom.  The first day they got to dress up as pirates.  I cannot say enough wonderful things about the experience.  It was a ridiculous amount of money but worth every penny.

They got to choose pirate names, pick the pirate they wanted to be and at the end took the pirate oath.  They had a blast.  The next dress up day was the prince and princess day  She chose Aurora and he was a prince.  They sprinkled large glitter on his head representing dragon scales.  The costumes were incredible and will be worn in playtime many times over!.  Getting around Disney is much easier on a scooter which I had the last three days.  Its worth the cost because I could not have gone anywhere I was so limited with my hip.  People do stare at you.  That was an uncomfortable feeling.  After the first day I didn't care.  We had character meals every day and the kids got their pictures with their favorite Disney characters.  We went to a dessert party with Captain Hook and watched the fireworks from a boat.  Peter Pan met us afterwords at the dock.  Waiting times for rides was up to several hours but thanks to Maria's planning we had "fast passes" for rides.  I watched the kids early one morning and Josh and Belle set out in the rain at 6am to get to the park at first opening to ride Avatar.  They did not have a fast pass.  They sprinted to the ride and still had to wait over an hour but as they left the wait was up to several hours.  They both said it was awesome and worth the wait.

I shopped and shopped and shopped.  Who KNEW that I needed Mickey ears for each day?  I didn't realize that I needed them but now have five sets.  As a season pass holder I get 20% off of all gift shop items.  I do like a sale.  It rained part of each day and that didn't diminish our fun or stop us.  We still had a blast.

I drove down with Maria and Arianna and drove home by myself.  They were spending and extra few days and waiting for Michael to join them.  On the way home I stopped by Reddick Florida to Debi Grunnah's home to meet Koray an Anatolian Sheppard that needed to be re homed.  She is a sweet 8 year old who acts like she is 3. We got along and I brought her home.  Joshua Soileau was doing the final touches in closing in my back yard.  I drove straight home and she has integrated herself into my family.  Her favorite people seem to be the kids and she plays with them in the back yard and when someone  walks by the fence she goes to the fence and waits for them

to pass by before she returns to the kids.  This breed is everything and more than what I expected.  I easily can see myself with another in the next year or so.

I made the mistake of weighing myself  when I went back to work and was stunned to realize that I had gained 15 pounds since Thanksgiving.  Yes I ate...whatever I wanted when I wanted it.  I then realized why my pants were tight.  I thought they shrunk in the wash(I wish).  I started keto immediately and have not cheated once.  I am finally at the stage where sweets do not look good to me and I have pan fried(in a non stick pan) what seems like 50 lbs of cheese for crispy little snacks.  Yum.  There are down sides to keto that i have found.  The first being constipation.  You cannot eat pounds of cheese and not pay attention to the last time you pooped.  Believe me I know this for a fact.  I will not go into the details but trust me when I tell you I am now keeping track of this function.  The second thing is "Keto crotch".  Look it up its real.  I developed symptoms of a yeast issue that progressed over several days and was using an over the counter preparation to remedy the situation.  I seemed to have developed a sensitivity to the "cure" and on the last night was awake pacing the floor.  I messaged my NP but did not send the message till the next day.  I was miserable in the extreme.I had a fan to my nether regions and when that didn't help used an ice pack. The final sentence to her was as follows:  " I am asking you no no no I am begging you to call me in a prescription for diflucan with 3 refills just in case. My Miss Puss will be forever thankful" She called it in.   The upside is I am down 10 lbs and feel pretty good.  I have got to get this weight off sooner than later.

This has been a year of change for me and my family.  We are all doing well I think.  The most honest thing I can say is I am content with myself and my enviornment.  I think that is enough for now.  My goal to de-stress my life as much as possible and to learn to enjoy myself.  Life is to be lived to the fullest and I want that.

Moving Forward

I woke up this morning realizing the one thing I love to do is to blog and i hardly do so anymore.  I am consumed with fixing my house up and working.  I thank God every day for Joshua and Belle.  My house is so very different than it was 6 months ago due to their combined efforts.  I walk in the back door and I am HAPPY.  I cannot express the number of people that have come in and their initial statement is that it feels "calm"  Belle told me that my house looks like an Airrbnb in Florida. I could not be happier with that description.  My colors are sea salt green on the walls and trimmed in white.  Everywhere.  I have a few other colors tossed in to give it some life but its all "beachy" tones.  I love the beach.  Let me clarify that I do not like the sand, heat, and humidity but I love the water.  My friend Jojo Lapp bought me a flamingo wine holder years ago.  My house is pretty much a home  now to that goofy flamingo.  I was in Hobby Lobby yesterday to have pictures framed  and found a flamingo toilet paper holder.  I bought it.  It really is  silly looking but it made me laugh and will go in the guest bathroom to compliment the shower curtain that is a picture of shells and sand.  Would this new decoration qualify me for home beautiful?  Indeed not but when you go to the bathroom you will laugh and that is pretty much the point.

The deer heads that graced my entryway for 20 years have been re-homed to Rebekah's.  In their place is a wall of pictures of my children.  I have so many that I am going to hang.  I have different frames. I have store bought frames and I have professionally done frames.  I have been told that I need to keep to the same type of frames to have a better "staging" look to the wall.  Guess what, my house, my rules, my frames.  If it offends anyone sensibility then don't look.  I will walk down that long hall of pictures and it will bring back memories that I cherish and that is the point.   In the hall leading to the bedrooms is the "creative" area for my kids and grand kids.  I have hung pictures that my children created when they were small and  have added the pictures that my grandchildren made for me.  I have a picture that they each created of Mimi with each child.  They are really great.  Then I had them do a free style picture of anything they wanted.  These will be changed each year in the summer.  I also have current paintings that my  son his children and Belle have made.  I am going to hang needle point pictures that I have done and an oil painting that I did when i was in the fourth grade.  Is it busy looking? You bet but it is wonderful for me to see all those things that they have done and that I have done.  Again it is my house and my rules.  My best part of my house is my fireplace.  My son hung pictures of my grand kids that Belle took and my last years group picture of my grands and me.  I cried when I saw it.  They are my heart and joy and the first thing I see when I walk in my back door.

The last major thing on my home to-do list is my bedroom and bath.  That will be done in the next few weeks.  There are tons of little things that need to be done like painting the rest of the woodwork that has not been completed and my counter tops in my kitchen.  Skip Woods a friend of Joshua's  has an incredible artistic talent.  He is going to do all my kitchen counter tops in epoxy.  The base color will be white with two different blues and pearl, silver, pewter metallic.  He owns a business called Liquid Stone Designs.  I am eventually having all the popcorn stuff taken off the ceilings but that is later and done a room at a time.

I am approaching my favorite time of the year.  I live for Christmas and have not been able to have decorations or guests over for the last 3 years.  This year Christmas has returned to my home.  I will have a tree in my dining room and in my front room.  I will have my Santas out on display and I will have people over for my Christmas dinner a week before the actual date.  I am beside myself with excitement.  I have so many blessings to be thankful for but this one is the best. 

I have spent the last few months getting rid of "stuff" .  I have gifted many items and gave a lot to the shelter but still managed to fill up 2 construction dumpsters.  I could probably fill up a third.  It has been bitter sweet getting rid of "things".  I still have too much but it will take more thought to divest myself of the rest.  I just don't want my kids saddled with the same problems that I had when it comes time for me to "buy the farm" .  I should have just said "died" but that is such a harsh word.  I made a will with a real attorney.  We laughed our way through it.  The final question she asked was what I wanted done with my body. I gave it some thought and said I didn't care if I was cremated or buried but made her write in the will that if they had a viewing that I be laid in the casket in soft cotton pajamas, preferably "Cuddle-Duds" from QVC.  They are the best.  I should probably get a new set and put them aside.  Just in case.  I made distributions to my kids and grand kids of the few things that I have of value and the rest is up to them.  I actually feel relieved that this job was done.  It has weighed heavily on me since Stan died because he did not leave a will and that was a pain in the butt for all concerned.

Finally before I stop I just want to say that I am fine.  I have moments that I wish that he were here to see what we have done with the house.  I think he would have liked it.  He would not be happy about the deer heads but such is the way of moving forward.  They have a nice new home.  I am not sure Rebekah is happy about it but Shane was happy as were the kids.  I will post of blog of  just the before and after pictures at a later date.

It feels good to write again and to express myself.  More to come.

September 11, 2001. 18 Years and Counting

I remember like it was yesterday.  Debbie Quebedeaux called me and woke me up with the news that we had been attacked.  I stayed glued to the TV all day and cried.  I cannot explain to someone who doesn't remember that day what it meant to me.  Watching the towers collapse took my breath.  I cried till my chest hurt.  Watching the people leap from the windows taking their own lives devastated me but it was the last thing they had control of and made that horrific decision.  We promised to never forget. We promised to never forget that Islamic Extremists want our country destroyed.   We stood together holding our flags as we watched memorial service after memorial service.  We grieved for people we didn't know as if they were family.  We pulled together and we were proud to be Americans.  I do not recognize our 2019 country .  When Obama was elected in 2009 he promised to fundamentally transform the United States of America.  He ushered in our rapid decent into the country that we are today.  People bash President Trump but I voted for him and will do so again.  God forbid if we have another 9/11 like incident.  If we do the best man to deal with it would be Trump
.
 On 9/11, 2001 we had an enemy.  This enemy wanted to destroy us and drop us to our knees. This enemy had a face and an ideology. This enemy didn't realize that an all out attack against our country would galvanize and bring us together. What I see happening now is an internal attack against our morals, values, and our uniqueness that makes us the greatest country in the world. That damage done by this kind of attack may be permanent as we are complacent. 

I will never forget and I will tell my grandchildren about that day.  I will not give them a watered down version about what happened.  I will tell them the day that America changed.  We cannot take our eyes off of our freedom and allow others to take away what was given to us  in the constitution. We can never forget. what Ronald Reagan said "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction" 

God Bless America

RIP Stan. May 15, 2019

On May 12 Stan woke me up stating that he was either having  a stroke or a heart attack.  He has symptoms of both but typical of Stan refused to allow me to call an ambulance.  He wanted me to take him to my hospital in Breaux Bridge but I nixed that and went to our "mother" hospital, Lafayette General.  He was immediately taken into triage and his initial EKG was performed and was negative.  They took him back to a room and he was seen by Dr. Shipley and the nursing staff.  He presented with vague symptoms and right arm tingling and pain. At home he had vomited twice and had an episode of diarrhea.  As it stood initially he could have had a stoke, heart attack or a GI bug.  As we waited for tests his heart began to slow  into a consistent bradycardia and his blood pressure was dropping. At one point he had a brief seizure lasting long enough for me to yell for help and it ceased.  His head CT was negative and while it was apparent he was ill it was such a vague combination of symptoms that it was hard to pin down the cause.  He got sick again.  Then the pain started in his lower back and left hip area.  The pain he was having was marked in intensity and something that I have never seen him experience.  The presentation was also something that I have seen frequently in the ED as has his LGMC nurse Dani and the doctor suspected  as well. Stan had a dissecting aneurysm.  He went back to CT and our worse suspicions were confirmed.  He had an aortic aneurysm but it was extensive from his aortic arch down his left iliac artery, from his aortic arch it bifurcated into both carotid arteries in his neck into his right innominate artery into his right brachial artery.  He had to be transferred to St. Lukes hospital in Houston immediately.  Stan understood the gravity of the situation and wanted to go he also made himself a "no code" in case the worse happened and he arrested.  I cannot say enough words to express my gratitude to the staff of Lafayette General Emergency Department.  Dani stayed with me as did Matt.  Dr. Shipley was amazing to Stan and to Rebekah and me. She kept us informed and I could feel her empathy.  Her knowledge was a comfort and I so appreciated her simple explanations and her direct eye contact.  Yes I am a nurse but I was a family member of a critical patient and I was not processing some of what was being said.  I was so very touched by every nurse that came in contact with us.   They provided support and encouragement.      Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone.

We had to go by ground ambulance because the weather was such that we could not fly. Prior to leaving he got to face time with Winston, Aries and Patton who told Papastan to get well,  My thanks to the AASI crew as well who monitored him (and me) all the way to Houston. Rebekah was an hour behind.   Stan was on several drips and was in control of his pain.  He spoke to his friend Reno on the way and also spoke to Joshua.  He told me that he was tired.  The ride took about 3 and 1/2 hours.  We were taken directly to the Intensive care unit and I was escorted out while they got him ready. Moments later they called me to the surgical hallway.  I was panicked Rebekah was not there yet and she needed to see him one more time. They told me they could not wait.   I  called her and she spoke to him via phone.  He said that he was ready if it was "his time",  They took him away.  I was cared for by his nurse January and she took me to breakfast explaining all the rules of the unit.  She listened to me ramble and gave me the first of what was to amount to about a case of kleenix.  I never seemed to have any with me. Rebekah and I waited nearly 14 hours for word.   He was brought back to the ICU  and Dr. Preventza came out to speak with us.  She was very detailed and explained the extensive injury he survived. I was numb and she spoke mostly to Rebekah.  I do remember that she said this was step one of 10.  She explained what we should expect.  We went back to see him and he was being cared for by two nurses.  They explained what was going on and we touched him.  They explained that they would be decreasing the sedative drip at 4am and that he would likely wake up a few hours later.  That next morning we went to see him and he had not awakened.   His basic reflexes were absent.  The only time I regretted being a nurse was that morning I understood what the lack of those basic reflexes meant.  The nurse however was  encouraging in that she said that Dr. Preventza's patients were different. She explained that she would not be concerned for at least 24 hours of a  non reflexive state.   We visited him off and on all day. That night Rick Green flew in from Tulsa.  Rick is the partner of my dear friend Bryan Wesson who is a D.NP.  We didn't realize we needed Rick until we saw him. He took our minds off of everything and redirected us as only he can do. Rick heard things that I didn't,  asked questions and got answers  that I didn't know I needed. Rick I cannot thank you enough for the love and assistance your presence provided.  That same night Dr. Michael Felton, his wife Maria and daughter Arianna,  made a whirlwind trip to Houston to see "uncle Stan". Maria had assumed care of our 4 dogs while we were gone and again a gift that could never be repaid.  Thank you sweet Maria.   That Tuesday  morning they informed us that he had gone into atrial fibrillation (RVR) that did not respond to cardioversion.  His rate was controlled by another drip.   They did a CT and an EEG to determine the reason Stan was not waking up.  That afternoon we spoke with the Neurologist who gently informed us of his likely outcome.  Rebekah and I made the difficult decision to remove the ventilator the next day.  Our friend Kay McGuire came to be with us that morning.  His nurse Brad informed  us of each detailed step and for that I am so grateful.  Stan once asked me why I sang Amazing Grace to all the babies( I cannot sing) I told him it was because it calmed them down and they went to sleep.  So I found the song on line and played it while his heart slowed and stopped while we were there with him.  Kay thank you so much for standing with us at that time.

To Brad Calhoun, Marvin Martinez, Jeannette Gemarino,Jacquelyn Allen, John Park, Audrey Garcia, and January Sintuphant.  You are all gifted and have chosen the perfect profession.  Your knowledge and compassion are such a balm for grieving family members.  I don't know who said this to me but it needs to be said.  While I was at his bedside talking to him I made the comment "why did we stay"  she came up behind me and said "you are together for this moment, God knew what was ahead and that you were needed" Thank you.  Brad you put up with us and with Rick. He had a great time razzing you and it made the day just a little brighter.

My final comments are directly related to his surgeon  Dr. Preventza.  She called me to express her sorrow at the situation.  She sounded broken and I want  her to know as I told her then that she is an incredible woman with such a gift.  He survived his surgery, she repaired a terribly damaged arterial system.  She possesses the tremendous ability to fix really broken people God surely works through her .  Her team is unparalleled.  Dr. Ceasar(forgive the spelling) was so very very kind to us.  He was honest and direct which was a comfort.

I came home to my sister Patti Franklin who flew in from Illinois and gave us love and advice and to my friend Ruth Sutherland who came to put my house in order and keep me focused.  Jill Forbes came to listen and to advise as well.  My thanks to my CEO Karen Wyble who handled a problem for me. It made me smile when I heard her say UM HUM when I told her my problem.  I knew it would be handled.  My thanks to all the staff at St. Martin Hospital for covering me.  I am so very grateful.  I have forgotten so many people who have gifted Rebekah, Joshua, and me with help and love to those people thank you.

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens......  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Rest in peace Stan and God's speed.

To My Babies Sept 11, 2018

My dearest grandchildren every year this time I find myself glued to the TV and in tears over an event that happened 17 years ago. Aster, Patton, and Winston your mommy was only 19 years old and wasn't even dating your daddy yet. Allison and Aries your daddy was 24 years old and he didn't  even know your  mommy.  I was home in bed after working a night shift when Granny Debbie Quibedeaux called, woke me up and told me to turn on the TV that America was under attack. I got up went to the TV in time to see the second tower get hit. In New York City there were two big tall towers called the World Trade Centre. Some very bad men learned how to fly planes and took over several big airplanes. They had decided to commit a very bad act called terrorism. These men are called terrorists and they wanted to destroy our country in the name of their religion Islam. Not all people who are Islamic are bad people but many in their religion believe that the way we live our lives is evil and their God was calling for us to be destroyed. Many people died that day in the towers. It was so scary for me to sit and watch it on the TV I cried and cried. In another part of the country another airplane had been taken over and these bad men crashed it into the Pentagon, an important place for all of our military. Another plane was taken over and supposed to fly into Washington but the brave men and women on board took the plane back and it crashed. On that day so many people died and each year I remember my feelings on that day. I also remember seeing many of our Congressmen & Representatives together on the steps of the Capitol building United as one, over grief, for those that died. They demonstrated strength and resolve on that day. And I will never forget when they broke out and sang God Bless America. They were not Democrats or Republicans they were Americans and all their differences were put aside. I can honestly say that this was the last time I ever saw our country come together unified like it was on that day.  I hope when you are older you will study about this day and what it meant to America. We cannot forget.  As long as I'm alive I will take time out of my day on September 11th to remember and honor those that died in the attacks. I will remember and try to pass on to you all that our freedoms in this country are very rare and precious and we have to preserve them.  I pray that you my darling babies will NEVER  have to go through anything bad like this. I always want you to remember that you have to stand tall and strong and defend our freedom in actions and words.  America is a precious country,  one that I have loved  for as long as I can remember.  I pray that I will be able to pass on to you this love and help you understand how great America really is.

I love you all to the moon and back forever and ever,
Mimi

Happy Mother's Day 2018

My mother went home to Jesus on Mother's Day 2002.  So many years have gone by and I still miss her.  So many times I think I need to call Mom and tell her about a situation that is going on. I think I have blogged before that when I am going through something troubling she will come to me in my dreams.  She listens to me tell her what is wrong and I can "hear" her advise me although I never can remember seeing her lips move.  She sits there with this kind expression on her face and her thoughts are mine.  I have my answer and I turn to hug her and she is gone.  I always wake up grieved that instead of talking I should have just hugged her.  The logical answer of course is that I knew her so well and knew what she would say in most situations that my dream is just my subconscious acting on previously stored "mom" information.  I CHOOSE not to be logical.  She has come to me in dreams and during my last surgery.  For these many moments my Mom was there for me as she was in life.

I think the hope of all moms is that they leave a lasting impression on their young and hopefully a good one.  I hope that my children and grandchildren will look back on my life and tell funny stories, laugh, and talk about my eccentricities, my fear of spiders and flying. I want them to  keep me alive through the next generation and if I am really lucky the generation after that. I know some of the negative things that will be told  there as well.  I am not perfect.  I worked too much and too long.  I have so many regrets that I did not take more time with both of my children.  Looking back I made so many mistakes. I love Joshua and Rebekah with so much love it makes my heart hurt.  I now know that agony that my mom felt when something happened to one of us.  I still want to make things right for both of my kids and I am wrong, they are out of my nest and into their own.  They have their own children and I am in awe that  they both are excellent parents.  My mom used to say to me you are still and will  always be my baby no matter your age.  That is how I feel.  I still want to slay all their dragons. I am joyous that my grandchildren love me.  That is such a special kind of love: freely given, honestly expressed and full of that special something that only a child can give.

I had so many "moms" that helped me in the rearing of my children.  Georgia Satterfield Shimkus was my support system with Josh and I wrote a previous blog about her.  I was a new mom and she was there and loved my son with me.  When Becky came along Ruth Knol Sutherland taught me that all food groups could be found in  fruit roll ups, marshmallows, Twizzlers, raisins, and chased with Vitamin C. My children were her children and vice versa. Kay McGuire gave Josh a
Gordon Setter  for his 12th birthday and encouraged him to show said dog.  He was so shy and I still have a picture with Jezzy the dog,  the Judge holding Jezzy's winning ribbon and Joshua looking like he was in melt down mode.  She has watched both my kids grow with exasperation and love. Jojo Lapp not only was in the delivery room when I had Rebekah but  has given me most of the Christmas traditions that I still try to honor  She really does Christmas the best and my kids are doing some of those same things for their kids and probably don't realize that it started with JoJo. Jill Forbes is the Nan to Patton Lee.  Patton is one of the twins and is adored by his Nanny. She equally loves Winston and Aster as well. She is "aunt" to Joshua and Rebekah.  Maria Felton came into my life about 15 years ago.  She has provided untold advice, love and support to my family  and loves my  grandchildren,  Her daughter Arianna is like  another grandchild to me and I stand by with so much pride at all her successes.  So many women have had so much impact on my children and grandchildren.  To all those women I wish you love on this day and great thanks for the love and care you selflessly gave to me and mine. My prayer is that you realize just how much you did do and realize just how important you are.

To my sister Patti who raised her two "babies" to successful adulthood.  I love you and know that you miss mom just like I do.  She loved us all so very much.

Happy Mother's Day

Rev. Hans Klee, Hoge Church, Ina Lee and the War on Christianity

When I get the urge to write something personal it usually comes to me in the night in dreams.  I had a dream about an incident that involved my mom. I woke up crying remembering the situation and felt that I needed to put this down for my family history and how Christianity came under attack in my family over 40 years ago.  I wanted to discuss this with my sister Patti before I started this journey down a painful lane and was surprised when she told me that she had discussed the same incident with an acquaintance  I think she said a week before.  I was crying as I was talking with her and she provided me facts that I had forgotten and I was able to establish a timeline.  Follow with me as I provide a background to our church history. 

My earliest memory of a Minister was Rev Calvin Didier.  I still remember a sermon that he gave telling us that  death was like a "come as you are party".  In other words you are taken from this earth and the judgement begins you don't get a chance to change after you are gone.  I was probably about 8 years old and the words didn't scare me but they have stayed with me all these years.  After he left we were  lead by Rev. Gish for many years.  He was a godly man and a shepherd to our flock.  I remember his eyes.  They were so very kind.  He also rescued a group of our Seniors(me included) when we were detained by the sheriff department for a poorly planned band and Wesket initiation. During the time of his time a prayer group was formed.  We met once a week prayed, studied the bible, and witnessed miracles.  No one to this day can tell me that miracles do not happen.... they do I was there.  Our leaders were Bill and Mavis Hankey. Rev Gish came a few times but deferred to Bill in the teaching aspect as I remember. I was a born again Christian washed in the blood of my Savior, and was blessed that this group was part of our church and could feed this fledgling baby. Mom and I were always there.  Mavis gave a prophecy at one meeting stating that the tine would come when we would be scattered in all directions.

My mom was the secretary of the church starting during Rev. Didier's time and was a fixture.  I spent many many many days after school at the church.  When a new minister is needed they sent out a  group of people to visit other churches( now this part is sketchy so bear with me if I am not stating completely accurate facts as to the choosing) If they like the pastor he is invited back to speak to our church and he is voted by the congregation.  They found a Pastor and he was interested and came to speak to our church,  I remember that I cried because this was a born again christian.  His sermon  only needed an altar call. As I recall he was voted in but turned down the position after a night of prayer with his wife. God didn't want him there. Mom said that he felt the church was dying(  and that is not a quote but when she told me she cried)  We were devastated.  The next selection was a man named Rev. Hans Klee(pronounced clay) His first sermon he held up a voodoo/African type  mask that was frightening to see.  He said it would hang outside his office to "ward off evil spirits" I exited the church prior to the end of his sermon.  I don't remember how long he was there before he started coming to our prayer group and basically took over.  We submitted to his authority and he eventually stopped coming and things resumed.   I had no idea this prayer group was such a thorn in his side.  I was a deacon in the church and occasional taught Sunday school for the babies. 

One night he and several men from church came to my home to talk with my mom.  He did all the talking.  He informed my mom that he was aware of every penny she had and what she needed to survive and that she had a decision to make.  She would stop associating with the prayer group or be fired.  I remember seeing one of the men look at another with a questioning look I think he was surprised at that statement but I will never know.   I wanted to shout at them.  She has been your friend.  She has helped you, loved you all for years and this is what is allowed.  He looked at me and put his filthy evil  hands on my shoulder and said to me "we have no problem with you at all you can continue to teach and be a deacon" My response was "you have insulted me.  The Jesus that you see in my mom and hate you should be able to see in me.  I need to return to prayer for an infilling of the spirit"  I told them they had to leave and that BASTARD leaned down and told my mom if you contact any of your "friends" I will know even on your home phone and I WILL fire you".  Then they left. I shut the door and found my mom sitting on the steps leading to our upstairs with her hands covering her face shaking.  I had never seen my mom like that.  My first thought was to call Mavis that we needed prayer.  Mom  was shaking and yelled "NO NO NO he will find out he will know" My next memory from that night was several people from the prayer group showed up...don't know who called them or how they knew but they prayed with her and provided her with courage and I felt God that night  cover my house with his peace and love.  My brave courageous Mom without a job in sight told that evil man that she had no intention to quit the prayer group.  What my sister Patti reminded me was that he was unable to fire her that it had to be done by the Elders of the church and they refused.  Mom miraculously  found another job that was excellent for her.  God delivered her from evil and gave her such a gift that paid better with great benefits!!

My mom was a testimony to God's love and grace and when I walked away for a time she prayed me through. She prayed my son through a very difficult time and called him at the time that it was life and death for him.   She adored her family and spent time on her knees for all of us.She would be very upset at the anger I feel as I am writing about that evil man.  My sister found out he passed on some time ago.  I honestly hope that he found Jesus before he died.  I am sitting here crying as I am writing and I am experiencing a lifting of the heaviness on my heart. 

The last thing I want to to say is yes there is a war going on, for our families, our hearts, our identities and our souls.  We cannot allow this to happen.  This is not political about the qualifications of our President.  It's closer to home.  It's the indoctrination of our children.  The fact that we cannot come against things that we do not believe because the liberal leaning population attack like rabid dogs. I could go on for pages and will at a later date. 

I love you mom and miss you every day.  You have come to me in my times of need in the twilight of my nights and apparently during the surgery.  You always leave me with peace but I would give just about anything to hug you again.  I loved you so much