The Cake, My Cooking Acumen, and my Butt

 I take cake decorating classes.  I do fine as long as Rachel, my teacher, is there. In fact I can make a cake and remember enough of the lessons that I can get it decorated(sans roses... I cannot make a fricken rose to save my soul) and I am not ashamed of the way it looks.  I made a Red Velvet cake for my son's birthday.  It was not my usual recipe because I couldn't find that one nor could I remember the name.  I used one off the internet labeled "THE BEST  RED VELVET CAKE EVER".  Not to be ugly but that bitch lied.  I kept thinking that it wasn't right but considering it was the  best EVER I persevered.  You know, after finishing the batter, you sneak a taste?  Well, it didn't taste right.  I had Joshua come in and had him taste it.  His exact words  "I need to spit this out".  He thought it was icing and when he realized it was the cake batter he encouraged me to keep on because it was probably great when cooked. So I kept on and even made a second batch so that we could have a "taste" cake before I served it to anyone else.  It was sort of ok.  He ate a lot and his kids loved it, me not so much.  I decorated and served it the next day.  I took a bite and had trouble swallowing it and pronounced it the worst cake ever. It called for vegetable oil and I used a new bottle just purchased.  It tasted like old oil.   Unfortunately my son in law also took a bite and now my red velvet cake is on the list of things he will never eat from me.  The other being "THE BEST EVER MEATLOAF"  that I made for him and was the most disgusting thing I have ever cooked. It smelled good too and as I recall the kids ate that as well.    Kids must have  underdeveloped taste buds considering they eat playdoh and paste and think its great.  I was telling my friend Desiree Fairley about the disaster and she mentioned that she uses the Waldorf Astoria Red Velvet Cake recipe.  DING.  That was it.  I made my first R. V. cake when I was about 20 for a boyfriend.  I got the recipe from the Columbus Dispatch and made it exactly as written.  Even back then I was not a cook.  It didn't look pretty but it was delish.  Mike ate half the cake.  Mom loved it and that was the best praise.  Well I decided to remake the cake today with the true best ever recipe. it came out good.  Honestly. the cake was a little dry but other than that, no oil taste just the hint of cocoa and the icing was perfect.   I have redeemed myself at least as far as a R.V.  cake goes.  I can cook in a way.  I am not starving but I am not one of those people who can open up the fridge, turn on the air-fryer and produce a lovely meal.  I do a lot of stir fry.  I put left over veggies in a pan sauté them and then add them to beef, chicken, pork, or shrimp that I have already cooked.   Don't ask me to fry chicken or make a meatloaf.  I have, on occasion, made fried chicken that was cooked thoroughly and tasted okay.  It doesn't happen often. I have tried meatloaf over the years and have failed miserably ending in the disaster that I fed Shane.  The other day I made one from a Keto recipe and it, saints be praised, tasted decent.  No one but me and my son's children know this because the piece I sent home for Shane went uneaten.  When I first got married to husband #1 I had to call my mom to find out how long you cooked a hotdog.  I knew you had to cook pork well.  The hotdogs were huge and waterlogged and my mom laughed hysterically.  I don't think Steve knew I couldn't cook because I would order out and come home to throw the take-out in my pans and get rid of the cartons.  I did that a lot and should get points for ingenuity.  I was working back then and pregnant thus had the excuse of being to tired to cook or being nauseated.  Steve cooked.  When I married Stan I was upfront about my lack of cooking but by then I learned to follow a few recipes and was able to make several things.  I am the queen of casseroles.  My Christmas dinner has been the same for over 30 years and includes an assortment of casseroles and prime rib.  I don't vary the menu and I can make it blindfolded.  I love my cake decorating classes so much and found out that you can take cooking classes in Lafayette.  I am going to sign up and I am pretty excited about it.  70 years old is not to old to learn new things.    

My weight loss is going well.  I am down to the double digit kilos.  I have lost better than 60 lbs and  can feel and see the difference. Yesterday I looked in the mirror standing sideways and realized that I don't have a butt.   There is no definition between my thigh and my butt.    I have a 2  large legs that starts at my waist that just happen to have a crack in the middle.  I have avoided going to the gym because I am lazy but have a renewed interest in going when I looked at myself from the side. I realized I am pounds away from having a droopy little old lady ass.  I can't afford butt implants so I am going to have to do it the old-fashion way and exercise. I will never have buns of steel nor do I want a Kardashian derriere but I  just want to be able to  see where my thigh begins when I am turned sideways.  

Counseling and Behaviors

 I am seeing a councilor.  Her name is Ann Lavernge and I like her.  I decided that at the age of 70 that I need work and not just on my body and face. I have enough emotional baggage that if I continue to carry it they will need an extra large casket to bury me in.   It's important to get a person that you like and I believe that I found her immediately.  It is early  and she hasn't pushed me too hard yet so I imagine that there will be sessions that will make me uncomfortable but the trust is already there.  My homework this week was to identify a behavior that I want to change.  I came up with two that I feel that I could work on that would have measurable goals thus leading to a success of sorts.  I am a spendthrift and a world class procrastinator. Both have caused me difficulty in my life.  I was aware of these issues but I never consciously set out to deal with them.  

Spendthriftness

Oh God.  I have made an unbelievable amount of money in my life and have little to show for it.  I am not a hoarder in that sense of the word but I love to shop.  I hate going into stores and my addiction of sorts is in online shopping.  I am still working as a nurse primarily to pay off  debts and to have income to buy things.  Honestly other than wigs and press on nails a lot of my spending is on my kids and grands. I am blessed that they love me and express it all of the time and not just when I come carrying gifts.  If they want something I will move heaven and earth to get it for them.  It makes me happy.  Back when my kids were young our Christmas's were ridiculous.  I think it was because I grew up poor and Christmas was so exciting.  We didn't get a lot but the opening of the packages was an unbelievable joy.  Forward to my kids growing up.  I shopped early and long.  I went into debt buying toys, shoes, clothes, and games.  It caused friction between Stan and I each year which was probably why he disliked  Christmas.  I still purchase way to much but as a control for myself I try to limit one big gift and 4 small gifts for each grand.  I dont always meet the goal but I am making an effort.  

Since I have lost weight it is a struggle to stay off the Chico clothes site.  I can wear great clothes now and look so much better.  I have a closet full of fabulous hand-me-downs from my daughter and friend Dana.  I  will probably never get to wear all that I have as I continue to lose.  

I have never had a dollar that I couldn't find a place to give it or spend it.  I have little in savings and that causes me great concern.  Just before I sat down to write this I looked online at Vogue Wigs and Static nails and put things in the shopping cart.  I didn't buy them but they are there just out of reach.  I am generous and if I have it and you need it I will buy it for you.  

I like gadgets.  I bought a laminator to work on my children's memory books.  I really needed it and I do use it a lot so maybe that doesn't count as wasteful spending,  The handheld froth maker for my morning lattes I could have lived without.  I have used it only a handful of times.  

I play a lot of online games and found myself throwing money into them so that I could win.  I stopped that not too long ago.  It hit me that I was getting nothing from that investment and I still play I just don't win  as often.  It sounds stupid but it is very alluring to know that if you just had one more play that you could win.  That is the main reason I don't go to the casino very often.  I probably go once or twice a year. I have a set limit and when it's gone it's gone.  

Procrastination

I will put off doing things that aren't fun to do NOTHING.  I am admittedly the worlds worst housekeeper.  I am having family over for Joshua's birthday tomorrow and have a buttload of housework to do before they come.  I dusted today for the first time in a long long while.  It choked me.  I love to have a tidy house but I just am too lazy to keep up with it.  I did about 10 loads of wash the other day and considered it a victory that I folded it AND put it away.  I have lofty goals but rarely see them through.  I have a Bissell floor cleaner that is easy to use and does a great job.  I should do my kitchen floor daily and I don't.  I have a litany of excuses of why I don't do things that needs to be done.  The truth is when I do them I feel good, but apparently that is not impetus  enough to keep me going.  I have several projects that need to get done and don't do them.   I have lost a lot of weight, and now need to exercise to build muscle and strength.  I have a gym membership.  I don't go.  I have the time I really do but I just don't go.  I have a serious case of the "don't wants"  I don't want to do it and lack the basic discipline to get up and move.

I just spoke with my daughter and asked for her input she said that I have a constant need to "fix" other peoples problems.  She will call and mention a problem just to voice her frustration and I immediately go into "solve" mode.  She just wanted to talk she didn't want me to fix it for her.  I do this with everyone.  I am not sure how to fix this.  Understanding her, I can see how this would stymie her conversing with me about issues. My son could offer no suggestions.  He said that issues he had 6 months ago are no longer a problem  and that he could see the work I have done to change.  He could not tell me however what I had changed.  

  I have had sadness and great joy in my life and find that I often think about those times.  I revisit conversations and situations that I should have dealt with another way.  It truly is a monumental waste of time to do the should of/would of/could of routine but I do it anyway.  Maybe that is a natural part of the 'joy'  of aging.  I look forward to my meetings with Ann I have a feeling she can help me sort myself out.  

 

Happy Valentine's Day, Flamingos, Gardens, Etc

 It's Valentine's Day.  Yippee.  It's never been high on my list of celebration days.  I remember with fondness, my time in elementary school.  We would decorate Valentine boxes and buy cards to give to all of our classmates.  I remember the lace doilies, the cut out red hearts covering a box covered in foil.  We had a party with cookies and red punch.  In an effort to be more festive I decorated my Christmas  palm tree for the flamboyance of Flamingos that I have.   They have let me know that they are expecting Easter and Mardi Gras decorations as well.  I will be shopping at Hobby Lobby in the near future to keep them happy.  Almost everything I do is for the benefit of my grands.  I really don't know if they care or not but I like to do it and I guess I am using them as my excuse.  As to the flamingos.... I apparently have a collection.  I am actually now looking for flamingo stuff.  I really did not set out to "flamingo-ize" my house it just sort of happened.  I had one for years and then when I redecorated my house  with beachy tones they all moved in.  I have 2 sets of flamingo jammies, pillows, sheets, towels,  wine holder , and a toilet paper holder,  I have pictures, some I have made and others bought.  I have stuffed flamingos, ornaments for Christmas, cups and candle holders. I have leggings with  flamingos and matching shirts that my neighbor made.    I really didn't realize that I like them but here it is.  They are everywhere.  I may not have "home beautiful" but they make me smile and that is what is important.  When I die my kids are going to have to unload a buttload of birds from my house.  Now THAT really makes me laugh.  Someday I want to visit a place that has flamingos.  I really would like to see one up close.  

 

I am going to put in a garden this year.  I want the grands to participate in the selection of vegetables that I put in.  Allison wants sunflowers and the seeds have been ordered.  The only thing that Aries wants is watermelon. I need to get Winston, Patton and Aster's requests to finish off the supply list.  Josh is going to till in 20 foot rows 3 feet apart in my side yard,  so that I can walk between the rows without getting in the mud.  I am not an outdoorsy person but I am purposing myself to do this thing.  I really feel that we need to be able to grow our own food and Lord knows I have the space.  The next step will be the canning of said produce.  At 70 I am hoping it is still possible to teach and old dog new tricks without poisoning my family.  I am putting in raspberry  and blueberry bushes all along my new fence that Josh just finished.  I already have a peach tree that puts out small hard peaches that are incredibly sweet.  I need to get some apple trees planted and satsuma trees as well.  I have been blessed with a large yard. I have  about an acre and a half.  I want things to grow all around.  There is something satisfying about growing your own produce. 

My plants that I have indoor are thriving.  They are doing so well that I went to Lowes and bought some more.  I have a full spectrum plant light that is on about 12 hours a day.  Apparently plants like to sleep... who knew? I feed them and make sure they have water.  I am working at getting rid of my black thumb.  

I have lost nearly  60lbs and feel so much better.  I am actually going to post another blog tomorrow after I get back from my doctor's.  I am having "work" done.  I just got my lips filled last week and we are going to do the whole face tomorrow.  I have no intention in growing old gracefully.  I am doing this stuff for me. It hurts by the way.  Just saying.  

I am going on vacation in a couple of weeks with Becky and her family.  I am very excited.  Josh will be here to take care of the animals and watch the house so I feel better about leaving.  This resort has a spa that I believe I have blogged about in the past. It is  beyond amazing and  I have already booked my treatments. I packed last week.  I can't wait.  I have noticed that as I get older everything seems so much more exciting and I don't know why.  God has been so good to me.  Everyday is a blessing and I wake up each morning and say my thanks for another day.  

So from Bruce, (Presa Canario /American Bulldog mix} Peanut the Chi-weenie, all the flamingos and me have a glorious Valentine's Day! 

New Years, Resolutions and the End to a Really Sucky Year

 This has been a tough year.  Covid is still running amok, but it always will.  When we get to herd immunity status everybody should be able to calm the heck down.   I will always say the government mandates were never about our health but more about control.  By and large we have proven what sheep we are and are dutifully lining up for our booster which will not prevent us from getting the bug.  I did not get the vaccine because a year ago November I contracted Covid19 and still to this day have antibodies.  It's been almost 14 months.  I do not trust the CDC as far as I can throw the whole building.  Between that weenie Fauci and what Biden's administration comes out with, every time I hear "follow the science" I don't know whether to laugh or gag.  I learned that Fauci is the most highly compensated federal employee for the second year in a row and "makes more money than the President, four-star generals and his colleagues at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases" according to Forbes. He is overwhelmed with his own importance.  He is a weasel and should be ignored and fired at the least.   He is a corrupt ass and has lied to Congress and to the American People and should be jailed.   When he was interviewed and said that anyone speaking against him was speaking against science, I was speechless at how important this ass thinks he is.

We have mask mandates, vaccine mandates, travel mandates, mandate mandates. Because of Omicron they are closing schools, businesses, shows and discouraging getting together with families for celebrations AGAIN.  Our government is turning us against each other vaccine vs unvaccinated, mask vs unmasked, stay in your home vs get out and live.  I still greet people with a hug and my patients still hug me.  I love it.  We are frightened, intimidated, little people who are afraid to really question the crap that Washington is shoveling down our throats. No one from the left EVER questions the hypocrisy that runs rampant in Washington.  Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY 14th District) is in sunny Florida, maskless in crowded bars and social events, while her constituents are required to wear masks and Omicron is surging in her state.  Her response to the  Republican outcry is that they are frustrated  because they can't date her.  She consistently remains clueless.

Personally, I have had issues in my own family that has made this year ending very unsettled.  I have had to take my own lifetime of behavior and  effect change.  It has been tough.  I like people to get along and I really like peace.  I don't like arguing at all and want to be surrounded in rainbows of happiness.  I feel like for 2 months I have been trudging thru a minefield where one stray word/text can set off an epic explosion of words and emotion.  It finally hit me that I was done. I was finished, wrapped up, disgusted, hurt, aghast and I was done being blamed.  I knew that I had to stop and apply tough love.  Those who think that the application of tough love is hard on the recipient has no clue what it does to the person who has to adjust the way they have interacted with the individual being "tough loved".  It sucks.  But despite emotional threats, silence and blackmail I came thru with a better understanding of who I am and just what my responsibilities are and what they aren't.  I cannot make you happy, you are responsible for your own happiness.  My goals are certainly not the same as your goals and it's up to each of us to go after our own goals.  It's not my responsibility to get you to your goals. Love is constant and gets better with age and if it doesn't then I would question the emotion.  I just can't shut it off.  I love you unconditionally and that will never change.  Telling me to stop isn't going to work either.  Just ignore me but know that I will never lay eyes on you coming or going that I will not express my love.  It may be under my breath but it's a given.   Having you never set eyes on me again will be your loss because I have so much to offer, and I will miss you, it will be tough, but I will survive.  I will pray for you every day for your peace, success, and joy.  I want that for you.

As for my New Year's Resolutions I only have a few.  The main one is to be a great plant Mom.  I have the desire and I even bought a plant light for the darlings. I am reading instructions on how to care for the few plants that I have, and I am going to change my black thumb into green this year. African Violets are my next up because they remind me of my mom.

 I am going to go out of my way not to unintentionally hurt someone.  I tend to react quickly to things that are said to me.  I can hurt someone by not measuring my responses.  I am not going to let things said to me affect my peace.  I am going to take time off to enjoy life.  I am going to finish the photo books that I had started in the fall.  I have most of it done except the ones about my daughter and son's family history.  The last one is to continue my weight loss journey and enjoy the benefits of being able to walk and play with my grandkids.  I am richly blessed, and I give thanks to God for seeing me through the rough patches and showing me miracles.

I pray that each of you reading this will have a wonderful year. God bless you all.      

70 and Still Counting

 Today is my birthday. I'm seventy and I am in wonder of what the years have taught me.  There have been so many changes both good and bad.  Through it all I still remain hopeful for myself and others.  I still have love in my heart and I still have goals to meet.  

I have a wonderful job with a crew of the best nurses who can still teach this old RN something.  I told my boss today that I want to be like that  old surgical nurse still working at 95.  She responded with laugh emojis and the word "goals".  

I am losing weight thanks to the gastric sleeve but I am no longer apologizing  for my choice.  Whatever works is my new moto.  I will never get into a bikini again but at least I can move and function to the best of my ability.  As far as the bikini goes who knows?.  Age has given me a distinct lack of embarrassment for my choices.  I am not at the  wearing-slippers-to-Walmart stage but I shop without wigs and makeup.  I sometimes wear the same thing over and over.  My daughter often asks me if I don't have something else to wear.  I do, I really have a closet full but I am lazy and prone to the comfort of something familiar.  Weight loss is improving me in that area.  Becky has passed down bags of clothes for me to wear and she has excellent taste.  

My memory is fairly good although I still forget that I have told someone something...so sue me.  I am crap with names.  But this is nothing new.  When I was married the first time.  I took my new husband to a party with hospital bigwigs. I stated this is my husband, turned to look at him and promptly forgot his name.  He said Steven Hart to which I responded " oh yes that's his name".  My neighbor has told me that I am frequently distracted and that causes me to forget.  I like that so  I put everything in my phone and if I lose my phone I will be in deep doodoo.  I use my car GPS to get to work because I use the travel time to talk to people to ease the boredom of the drive.  I will miss my turn EVERY TIME unless I get the verbal cue to turn.  

 The gene for housekeeping is not in my makeup. I am an abysmal housekeeper unless company is coming.   I will occasionally get up and do the basics and while that should be reward enough I really want someone to pop up and scream GOOD JOB each time I dust.  I need immediate feedback. My clothes are clean and my dishes done but I am messy.  I love it when I pick up and put things away but don't love it enough to do it all the time. I love a clean tidy house I really do but I work and I am tired when I get off.  Plus I have to catch up on reality shows I have missed.   I am slowly decluttering which means I am throwing away stuff I haven't used in a year or making trips to Goodwill.  My daughter is a good housekeeper I wish I could have the same umph that she does.  

I have been asked after I lose weight if I will date.  My answer is always the same.  No.  I have said in a previous blog from years ago that I would have to pass out a disclaimer card stating that while I do have my own teeth  other parts are not real.  My wigs, I love my wigs.  I have too many but that didn't stop me from ordering another one for my 70th birthday in a silver grey.  I have hair nearly to my shoulders and I get to pin it up and slap a wig  on and my hair looks perfect without the trouble.  My hair is dirty brown/blond.  If it was grey or white I might never wear another wig.  I get so many compliments on my grey and white wigs.  I have had cataract surgery and  a left hip replacement.  In 2003 I had a bilateral mastectomy because of cancer and have implants.  I may, in the future have my implants removed and just get tattooed across my chest.  I wear contacts every once in a while because I have the cutest rhinestone  readers otherwise I am in my glasses.  I sometimes wear false eyelashes, but who doesn't wish they had longer lashes?.  I have my own nails but have discovered the joy of pop on nails.  Name a color and I probably have it.  I rarely shave my legs.  I did shave for surgery but forgot the backs.  I have 2 inch hair on the back of my legs.  I occasionally see my doctor who has a spa and get fillers for my lips and creases in my face.  When I lose all my weight will be paying him for an overhaul.  He can do laser work to get rid of what ever sagging facial issues I have.  He can take my own fat and put it in the areas that need "plumping" I can't wait.  I really don't see a need to grow old gracefully if I can soften up the lines that age has created.  I am doing it for me and no one else. I may even start to shave my legs again.   I really don't need a man in my life unless he is gay.  I like to go out  to dinner and a movie on occasion and someone to come over and have dinner at my house.  Oh, scratch that, then I would have to clean.  I don't want to invest whatever time I am granted on this earth in someone other than my family.

I am still sarcastic and have a odd sense of humor.  I have little use for idiots and getting older has made that worse.  What I am thinking can be seen on my face and incase you missed what my face says, my mouth will open up and give you a verbal reading.  My filter is getting mighty slim.

Just when we think we have seen and heard everything, life up and hands you an emotional or physical  curve ball.  Age has given me a greater ability to roll with the punches.  Not to say that I can't be hurt because I have been.  I have been devastated at times.  I keep going because like my mom I have a stronger faith and my belief in God is inviolate.  I am saved bless God.  

I am 70 years old and I have learned that I like myself.  It took me a while but I really do like me.  I have some growing up to do  because I have  a side to me that is still 10 years old and she can be a hot mess, but she is fun.   I like being a grandmother and love the fact that my granddaughter Aster Leigh cries when I leave my daughter's house.  She will stop doing that in the too near future but for now I relish the genuine tears for missing me. I love all my grands and love the fact that I see so much of my son and daughter in their children. 

I can be irritating, repetitive, sarcastic, funny, short tempered, tearful, sad, happy, insecure, talkative, angry, dramatic and a host of other descriptions that I can think of.   I'm 70 get over it.    

Starting Anew a Debbie Reset: My Journey Starts

 Hi there my name is Debbie and I LOVE food.  I love the smell, texture, and taste.  I have put on a tremendous amount of weight over the years and have now found at the age of 69 difficulty in mobility, joint pain and general disgust at the way I look and fit into clothes.  I am an expert on diets and am well versed on Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Adkins, The Grapefruit diet, Sugar Busters and probably 20 more I have forgotten.  They work for a time and have helped millions of people(not so sure about the Grapefruit diet though).  They worked for me.  I lost over 100 lbs. on Sugar busters in 5 months and kept it off for 5 years until I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002 and then gained over 60 lbs. in less than a year.  There wasn't a carb that I didn't like. Then over the next years I slowly gained weight to what I am currently.  I don't eat all the time and I only eat when I am hungry but Lordy I eat like a field hand when I am hungry.  I don't have candy, cakes, ice-cream, and cookies constantly at my home.  I have been known  to eat 10 oreo cookie at a sitting and substitute a half gallon of ice cream instead of lunch and dinner.  So I stopped buying those goodies.  I was however a visitor at Dairy Queen for a small cone at the end of my work week.  I really didn't experience a lot of self loathing that some experience nor was I glorying in my rolls of fat.  I was just me and I was unhealthy and when not at work, very sedentary.  After much consideration I elected to have a gastric sleeve.  I wanted to do this while I could still recognize myself in the mirror! It was not a decision that is taken lightly and took about 4 to 6 months to qualify and do all the requirements needed to get to surgery day.  I chose Acadiana Weight Loss Surgery Clinic and  Dr. Eschette for my surgeon.  I made the call and spoke to Tiffany McZeal who set me on my course.  She is the bariatric patient advocate and send me all the many items I had to complete just to get to surgery.  I had to have clearances from my cardiologist and a psych consult among other things.  We have reading to do and attend a 3 hour information class to make sure that we know what we are doing.  They test you.  I reread the manual several times and still had questions that were answered prior to surgery.  Then you had to meet with the dietician  several times. Kate Roundtree is my dietitian and she is the go to person for anything nutrition related. Kate is matter of fact in her presentations and has heard it all.  You can't ask for a better individual to assist you on your journey.  Her compassion is obvious but she sets a straight course. The scales don't lie.    Brook Doucet is the office Rn , a Certified Bariatric Nurse and the program manager.  She broke me free from the hospital.  I LOVE her lol. She answers on line any questions that you have on your daily check-ins via Health Loop. Jessica Ledee is the gate keeper at the front desk.  It's important that the first face you see is smiling and friendly.  Thank you Jessica for setting the tone for each visit thus far.  Dr. Eschete is wonderful.  I  cannot say enough wonderful things about him.  He believes in me.  He said that I WILL be successful and I believe him.  

My surgery was September  28 at the Ochsner General Surgical Hospital in Lafayette.  It was a wonderful experience considering I was scared spitless.  I love nurses especially those who genuinely love their job.  These people have it in spades.  This was the first surgery in my memory that I didn't have a "visit" from my mom and I missed that.  Maybe she knew that I was in great hands.   They snowed my butt lol.  I remember nothing at all until after surgery I was retching in the bathroom.  Shout out to Compazine.  The whole first day is gone except for snatches I know that I got up and walked because they told me but I have no memory.  I was not in pain, just a soreness that I was fully aware of the next day.  My daughter was with me the whole day of surgery.  Wish I could remember more fully and Jill Forbes was with me the second day and took me home after Brook freed me.  I was on clear liquids the second day and managed to keep it all down. Tiny tiny sips is my mantra,  Shout out to all the pre op surgery nurses whose names I did not get.  Thank you to Doralis LeJeune RN, my old friend, who was in surgery with me.  I remember thinking that you wouldn't let me die.  To the post surgical nurses who waited on me like I was a princess words do not express  how grateful I am.  To Michelle and Shawntina on days and Lindsay and Lisa on nights you have my gratitude.  You picked the perfect profession and your patients are so very fortunate to have you watching over them.   The last thing I want to comment on about my hospitalization is how clean it was.  I wish I knew the names of the housekeepers who quietly went about their jobs and kept the unit spotless.  You all are the best!

It has honestly been a struggle the past few days at home getting used to the new regime but I am doing it.  Calcium is not my friend.  I am supposed to be on the chewable kind 3 times a day.  Even Zofran could not stop the retching each time I tried to chew it.  I have tried Caltrate and Tums without success.  Just looking at the bottle makes me gag.  I have back spasms off and on and not sure what that is about.  The stomach spasms have eased and I am doing better getting all my fluid and proteins down.  I am walking around my house 5 minute at a time.  I still have shortness of breath from Covid last November but that is not going to stop me.  

Dr. Eschete says they measure the success of surgery by how much loose skin that you have.  By next summer by thighs are going to be hanging around my ankles.  I see a lot of duck tape in my future.  But praise God I will be able to move, enjoy that last years of my life with my grandkids, and wear those black leather pants that have been in my closet for years.  

In closing, my success is up to me.  Despite how wonderful the clinic is they can not motivate me.  They can guide me, educate me,  keep my feet to the fire, be my personal cheerleaders but my motivation comes from within.  I can and I will be successful 

September 11, 2021. Twenty Years and It Seems Like Yesterday

 I can't believe it has been twenty years since we were attacked and 2996 people in our country were murdered.  Some schools are teaching that "men" took over airplanes and committed acts of terrorism and flew the planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  The problem with that is, while it was true it was men, it wasn't just some men it was radical Islamic terrorists. Apparently it might cause confusion and identity issues with  peaceful Muslims  in our country and we don't want our children to be confused.  The answer to that is to TEACH the difference.  But that is proving difficult in our increasingly PC minded population.  Listen up my children it was Muslim Extremists who felt by committing this horrific terrorist attack on our country they would go straight to wherever good Muslims Extremists go.   I hope they are in hell,  

20 years ago on this day we were not separated by race, religion, sex or whatever other subgroup we choose to fall into, we were Americans.  We were united by our anger, grief and the disbelief that our sons, daughters, moms, dads, sisters and brothers  were murdered by a few crazy Muslims bent on destroying our country.  I vowed on that day to never forget and each year I write a few words commemorating that day.  I watch the programs that show the timeline and I cry anew.  I cannot explain the depth of my grief or why it still lasts.  I only know that on this day my heart aches and I am again reminded of the bravery of the fire departments, police and citizens that gave their lives to help others.  For the first time I watched a documentary on the Man in the Red Bandana  and of course cried all the way through the film.  It's about Wells Crowther a volunteer fireman and equities trader  who saved at least 10 people  in the south tower before it collapsed.  He could have gotten out but he kept going back up those stairs to find more people.  I recommend this documentary to everyone.  He was a true hero.  

I just listened to a street reporter talk with 18 to 20 year old college students and ask them about 9/11. Many didn't really have an understanding about what happened and said they might have studied it in high school but that we have to get "rid of the exclusivity of the United States and list all of our bad points".  I was sick to my stomach listening to that garbage. These spoiled children who have been given so much by so many have no clue what they owe to this country.  I fear it's to late to teach them,   

We have to remember what happened that day and to guard against it however we can.  We have to educate our young about the men that did this and what evil they stood for.  We have to tell them the stories of the heroes, those who gave their lives to help someone else.  We have to teach them to be proud of our country and to proclaim our exceptionalism.  I hope it's not too late.  

As for me I go on year after year revisiting the events that happened on that day, and I cry,  I will never ever forget what they did.  God protect America.