Undoubtedly my favorite Christmas book and movie is Dickens A Christmas Carol. As most of you know the story, I will not go into detail but only to say that Scrooge is shown his life in the past, present, and future. He revisits times when he could have acted with compassion and chose not to. His future was dismal with no one mourning his passing. In the end he changed his life for the better and became well loved and respected. We all have the ability to look back in the past and evaluate our present to better understand how that can impact our future. My councilor wanted me to connect with my joys in the past and this time of year, for me, is my most joy filled time.
My earliest memories of the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is filled with memories of family, food, and warmth. before I was eight, we went to my grandparent's farm for holidays. I don't remember presents but do remember the warmth of my grandma's hug and her wonderful meals. I remember playing for hours with her saltshaker collection by the warmth of the Franklin Stove. I managed to save a few and have them with me today in my kitchen. They are old and somewhat rusty, but they are visible reminders of my grandma and Pappy. My aunt, uncle and 2 cousins were always there as well, and we would all eat at the table in the dining room. Christmas was the best and my memories of that time still warm me inside.
We were not wealthy by any means and in fact my mom told me of times that my absent father would give her 25$ just before Christmas to get our presents. I am sure she saved a few dollars throughout the year because it seemed like each Christmas was the best. I remember decorating the tree with silver tinsel and glass ornaments that she had saved. The lights were large and hot so we couldn't leave them on long. We opened our presents on Christmas morning, and I would leave my presents opened up under the tree. We got necessities like shoes, slips, hose and clothing. We always got a doll or stuffed animal. I collected horses and would get a Breyer horse set with a mare, foal, and stallion. I would play with them for hours. Before Christmas we would go downtown on the bus to Lazarus Department store. It was a treat to see all the storefront windows that were all holiday inspired. We stood in line to visit Santa. and let him know what we wanted. My mom would tell a story about taking us downtown for Christmas and not realizing that I had taken my panties off. She discovered my bare butt when she picked me up to hold me while we were in the Santa line. We had to get out of line, and she had to go buy me panties. Another "me" story that I associate with Christmas is the time that she bought a harness so that she could keep track of me. Apparently, I tended to wander off frequently. That's a shock. The harness fit like a vest and was nowhere near my neck. She tells the story that I repeatedly gagged and choked so often that a store detective stopped her to make sure I was alright. I remember a place in the store where children could shop for their parents. No parent was allowed as I recall. My mom also saved S&H green stamps and would glue them in books. We would use those books to go to Big Bear and get her presents. In school we would make something from ceramics to give as a gift. I still have a "lovely" vase I made her. She got ashtrays, plaster handprints. and homemade jewelry. My favorite gift that I made her was a terry cloth bathmat in white with orange footprints that I had traced after mine. I hand sewed them to the mat and was so excited to see her open her special present. I have a remnant of that mat in my closet. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED getting presents, but my happiness was in gifting. I made homemade cards at school and at home. She loved what I made by hand just as much as I loved giving them to her. After age 8 my grandparents sold their farm and holidays were spent between my aunt's house and ours. We alternated Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was again a time of family and laughter. At our house the tree would be up, and the white plaster Nativity made by my sister Patti would be on our mantle. It seemed that we sat around the table for hours just visiting and telling stories. As I got older, I took more interest in decorating and have carried that through today however I am probably "extra" in my view of decorating. Instead of "less is more" I go by the theory that more is more and better. Much to the regret of my husband I had 27 boxes of decorations, three trees and I collected animated musical animals that sang various Christmas ditties. I also developed a passion for nativity scenes.
The darkest part of my Christmas history was a period of about 2 years that I could not have people over because our house was not ready for company. I remember the depression I felt during that time. I loved to entertain and had a dinner for many on Christmas Eve serving the same menu that I had made for years. Then I would stay up all hours to prepare for Christmas morning breakfast and I wanted my family to return to open presents. I was too much. I expected too much from my family and for that I have regrets. I wanted to create memories and traditions that my children to take and adapt to their families. I look back on those few years as a cleansing time for me. I wasn't ready to turn over the reins of the holiday get together to my daughter, but it was a necessity, and she was more than up to the task. I still make some of the same things for dinner, but it's now held at her farm. I am actually happy she is doing this because she entertains so beautifully. After Stan died and my house got fixed up Christmas retuned to my house but only for dinner and then it morphed into a children's party. Dinner has returned to Becky's home, and I have a cousin Christmas usually a week before Christmas. The grandkids come over and get their Mimi and Taunte Jill presents, and we have snack food. Becky also has Christmas morning breakfast and I go over to watch the grands open up their presents. I am glad that she is developing her family transitions that her children will copy and carry on. This year I had the grands over and my grandson said the best thing to this mega-decorating grandma. He said "Mimi it looks like a fairy land" I asked him if that was a good thing and he answered in the affirmative. This year I really decorated because it makes me smile. My decorations start coming out before Halloween and I start taking down by New Years. I will continue to go overboard on my decorations as long as I can because it makes me happy. Hopefully when it gets to the point where I can't do it anymore myself, I will have a grandchild or two who will come and do it for me.
Looking back, I can trace all my traditions that I hold dear to my past and right or wrong they are my mainstay; however, I am changing. I am in the twilight of my life I have less years left than I care to think about, and change can be hard. I am spending more time thinking about my relationship with God and my salvation. I am spending time thinking about what memories I will leave when I am gone. I want my children and grandchildren to know with assurity that I loved them with every fiber of my being. That I loved them all unconditionally and my first and last thought will always be them. I want them to be able to look back and smile when they think of me. I want them to know that Jesus is my King and that I was a grandmother that prayed. All in all, I want my legacy to be that of faith, love and laughter. I want that because that was what my mother's legacy was to me.
