Never in my lifetime have I experienced an Easter holiday like this year. For sixty eight years I have had the opportunity to go to church, bask in the music, and listen to the message about my risen Savior. This year in many states you can get arrested if you gather in a house of God, synogogue, or mosque. A weapon was unleashed in China that has nearly crippled our country. We have quarantine orders that forbid gatherings of more than 6, some states have closed their borders, businesses are closed or operating in a totally different manner causing financial hardship for many employees. Hospitals are at capacity and heath care workers are putting their lives on the line to care for the sick. COVID19 has changed the way we socialize, shop, work and gather together. People are financially devastated and expecting to be taken care of by the government. And still there are those who continue to flaunt the rules and take a chance getting ill or worse yet passing this virus to someone else. Those that care are staying in place especially if they are still working. My daughters in-laws, Pop pop and Gigi have not seen Winston, Patton, and Aster since this began as they have the care of their elderly father. . My hear hurts for them as I know what the ache of not seeing your grandchildren feels like. I do not know when this virus passes, and it will, what changes it will leave in it's wake. Will we no longer greet people with a kiss, hug, or even a handshake? I hope not I have more faith in our resilence, it may take time but I believe that we will bounce back. I look forward to greeting people with a hug.
Timothy Cardinal Dolan Archbishop of New York gave an anology that resonated with me. In talking about the empty churches he stated that" before we can be full we got to be empty. The essence of Easter Sunday morning was what? The empty tomb. The broken, dead body of Jesus was not there . He had risen from the dead". The tomb was empty Jesus had risen from the dead. For those that believe ,his crucifiction and resurection have given us the path to everlasting life. The "church " is simply a pretty building where we go all dressed up to meet and greet our neighbors . What we have to remember is that we are the Church not the building. We are the living stones that St. Peter spoke about. Our normal everyday lives have been stripped away by a devil named COVID19. In his wake he has left anxiety, fear, and depression. What I want you to remember is that Jesus is alive. He is walking in each home and is sending his army of angels to minister to those that believe. We just have to open our hearts and except the gift that he gave us. We are not alone. In our forced seculsion we can shut out the world and move into a dark area of depression or we can reach out by phone and social media and share the glorious story of the ressurection. We have church on TV and on the internet we can sing, raise our arms and praise God. We now have time to open our Bibles and delve into the word of God. We are being emptied out physically, emotionally, and financially and when we are emptied out. the Holy Spirit can fill up the void that is left if we allow Him in. Tonight on the eve of the empty tomb I will pray that each of you will hunger for the word and will seek the Son. God Bless you all.
1Peter 2 vs 1-5 Therefore laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and all evil speaking as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious. Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holdy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Thursday, April 2, 2020
COVID 19 , Partial Retirement and Hope
Not everyone is aware but I resigned my ED position last Saturday at the insistance of my NP, MD and family. They were all concerned about my age, BMI, and heart history of PVCs among other issues. I turned in my notice last Saturday after a week of sleepless nights and worry about myself, my co-workers and my community. I have been at St. Martin Hospital for over 20 years and in many ways my hospital co-workers are like extended family. I will miss the people in the community. Often I would take care of new moms that I had cared for when they were babies. I have mourned the deaths of patients that I have come to know so well and been fortunately blessed to celebrate happy times as well. COVID 19 has overtaken this country and we are in fear. I have talked to so many nurses from all over who have expressed concern that they could catch this and die. Some have questioned whether or not they should quit. I have no answers I just know that the fear IS rampid and its toll on health care workers and ancillary staff is causing crippling anxiety and depression for many. The shortage of supplies in many areas is a major concern and causing staff to reuse PPEs especially masks when they should be thrown away. The jury is out on mask protection. Some say that to only mask those with symptoms, others feel that all ED staff and patients should be masked for everyones protection against possible exposure. I dont't have any answers I just know that you can find pros and cons everywhere you look. If masking makes you feel safer then by all means wear your mask. My Texsas friend told me she is prepared to fashion garbage bags if necessary to protect her clothing. As a heath care professional I feel we should do what ever it is that makes us feel safe to decrease the anxiety so prevalent, so I told my friend to go for it but PLEASE send me a picture!
My first day off work was last Sunday when during the night I had a small fever and came to work when it was down. I got to work and took my mandatory pre-work temp and it was still at 99.5. I didn't feel great but keep in mind the previous comment about anxiety which I was manifesting. The staff sent me home. I cried. I knew that I was gone forever from my job. My age and phyicality had finally caught up with me. I saw my NP that Monday and was tested. She basically told me that regardless of the outcome that I was out of that enviorment and she sent my excuse by email because she did not want me to go back into the hospital. I needed a few supplies to tide me over untill Easter so I went home to prepare for my shopping trip. Those that know me would NEVER accuse me of being a germaphobe. I planned this trip like I was going into battle. I had my N95, gloves and spray bottle of bleach solution. I went to the store got out put my mask and gloves on. I sprayed a paper towel with bleach got my basket and wiped it down. I selected the few things that I needed and checked out . I went to my car.. still with the same gloves. i opened the trunk got my bleach bottle and sprayed my gloves I took everything out including my People magazine and sprayed everthing and placed in my car. I shut the hatch then sprayed the outside of the lock area, sprayed the handle of my car, took the old gloves off and put new ones on. I then wiped down my seat and steering wheel. I sprayed the tops and bottoms of my shoes. When I got home I put everything away and then sprayed the counters off. I was exhausted and when I sat down reviewed my trip and obsessed that I was not careful enough. I communicated my crazy behavior with a friend and she basically said "hold my beer" and told me what she did to feel safe. I'm not so bad!!! Just a month ago had she told me her routine I would have called her crazy. Any package that is delivered is brought inside my fence, sprayed with bleach on all sides and left to dry before being brought into my home. My daughter has me quarantined till Easter then I can go back to caring for the kids. They are safe. They see no one, go no where and I can safely watch them and go back to homeschooling. I am not so good at that and have a new respect for ALL teachers..
I feel adrift like I am at sea and cannot find my footing. I have always been a nurse. 44 years and counting in a field that has brought me so much agony and joy. I now have to figure out exactly who I really am without the protection of my scrubs. Financially I have to work but for the next few months will be a MImi, a teacher, a mom, and a friend. I will de-clutter my house again and enjoy my solitude. I am spending most days in my jammies without make up and wigs. My hair is down to my shoulders and gets pinned up. I talk to my dogs and spend time on the phone. I watched Tiger King at the insistance of my niece Carrie White. As an aside, I believe he is inocent albeit an excentric, loony toon who has no business owning a rat let alone tigers. Oh before I forget the Tiger Queen( my name for that crazy woman),Carol Baskin killed her husband AND lest we forget, Jeffery Epstein did NOT kill himself.
Our country under Trump has enjoyed unprecedented unemployment with Hispanic and African American unemployement the lowest ever recorded, Increased manufacturing jobs, made America first not just a slogan but a realized dream for so many of us. I personally saw more money in my check each pay day. I could go on and on and on. Then COVID 19 came along. I listen with sadness all the things he has supposedly done wrong in handling this epidemic. There could have been things done differently but we are the cause of the spread of this virus. We have been told to stay home and avoid social interactions and oh so many have chosen not to obey that directive and the virus has spread Hindsight is always so good. The idiot mayor of New Orleans LaToya Cantrell(D) said she would have canceled Mardi Gras if the President told her too do so.. Riiiiiiight Mardi Gras was weeks before WHO declaired CV-19 a pandemic. I would bet my right arm that had Trump suggested just that, she would have ignored it and went ahead with the celebrations. She is clueless or never watched TV and could have come to the conclusion that having a million plus people decend on her town from all over the world might not be a good idea. We now must deal with the hand we have been dealt. We must come together and forge ahead and not lose hope. We have each other... at a distance .... but we have each other.
My parting thought is about those patients in the hospital with CV-19 and in the intensive care units on vents. I have been bothered by the isolation. All hospitals that I am aware of have stopped all visitation. So your relatives are alone at what is probably the worst time of their life. Some are dying alone with only their overworked nurse and doctor in attendance. Knowing their diagnosis upon entering the unit I am sure that they are feeling hopeless. Why can't we use our handy dandy telecom machines to take from room to room so that families can at least talk to and see their loved ones even if they cannot talk back. I would want to hear my son and daughter's voice and that of my precious grandchildren I would be filled with joy to see their faces. I would not feel so alone. I would take their words of hope and wishes for recovery and just maybe would marshal the extra nebulous "something" that I would need to survive. And if the worst happenes my family would know that they were able to say their goodbyes.
Lord I come to you in prayer that you will protect all of our front line people and that you will bless each person that has reached inside of themselves to help better the suffering of another. I pray that you will guide and direct our scientists, all health care workers, and first responders. I ask for abundant blessings for those who are delivering our supplies and food. I pray for our country and for ALL affected by this virus around the world. I pray that you will look in favor at the people who are meeting needs of their friends and neighbors. I pray for those hospitalized that you will pour your spirit down upon them so that they know that they are not alone and that their fear will be eased. I pray in Jesus name.
Amen
... if my people, who have been called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin, and I will heal their land
2 Chronicles 7:14
My first day off work was last Sunday when during the night I had a small fever and came to work when it was down. I got to work and took my mandatory pre-work temp and it was still at 99.5. I didn't feel great but keep in mind the previous comment about anxiety which I was manifesting. The staff sent me home. I cried. I knew that I was gone forever from my job. My age and phyicality had finally caught up with me. I saw my NP that Monday and was tested. She basically told me that regardless of the outcome that I was out of that enviorment and she sent my excuse by email because she did not want me to go back into the hospital. I needed a few supplies to tide me over untill Easter so I went home to prepare for my shopping trip. Those that know me would NEVER accuse me of being a germaphobe. I planned this trip like I was going into battle. I had my N95, gloves and spray bottle of bleach solution. I went to the store got out put my mask and gloves on. I sprayed a paper towel with bleach got my basket and wiped it down. I selected the few things that I needed and checked out . I went to my car.. still with the same gloves. i opened the trunk got my bleach bottle and sprayed my gloves I took everything out including my People magazine and sprayed everthing and placed in my car. I shut the hatch then sprayed the outside of the lock area, sprayed the handle of my car, took the old gloves off and put new ones on. I then wiped down my seat and steering wheel. I sprayed the tops and bottoms of my shoes. When I got home I put everything away and then sprayed the counters off. I was exhausted and when I sat down reviewed my trip and obsessed that I was not careful enough. I communicated my crazy behavior with a friend and she basically said "hold my beer" and told me what she did to feel safe. I'm not so bad!!! Just a month ago had she told me her routine I would have called her crazy. Any package that is delivered is brought inside my fence, sprayed with bleach on all sides and left to dry before being brought into my home. My daughter has me quarantined till Easter then I can go back to caring for the kids. They are safe. They see no one, go no where and I can safely watch them and go back to homeschooling. I am not so good at that and have a new respect for ALL teachers..
I feel adrift like I am at sea and cannot find my footing. I have always been a nurse. 44 years and counting in a field that has brought me so much agony and joy. I now have to figure out exactly who I really am without the protection of my scrubs. Financially I have to work but for the next few months will be a MImi, a teacher, a mom, and a friend. I will de-clutter my house again and enjoy my solitude. I am spending most days in my jammies without make up and wigs. My hair is down to my shoulders and gets pinned up. I talk to my dogs and spend time on the phone. I watched Tiger King at the insistance of my niece Carrie White. As an aside, I believe he is inocent albeit an excentric, loony toon who has no business owning a rat let alone tigers. Oh before I forget the Tiger Queen( my name for that crazy woman),Carol Baskin killed her husband AND lest we forget, Jeffery Epstein did NOT kill himself.
Our country under Trump has enjoyed unprecedented unemployment with Hispanic and African American unemployement the lowest ever recorded, Increased manufacturing jobs, made America first not just a slogan but a realized dream for so many of us. I personally saw more money in my check each pay day. I could go on and on and on. Then COVID 19 came along. I listen with sadness all the things he has supposedly done wrong in handling this epidemic. There could have been things done differently but we are the cause of the spread of this virus. We have been told to stay home and avoid social interactions and oh so many have chosen not to obey that directive and the virus has spread Hindsight is always so good. The idiot mayor of New Orleans LaToya Cantrell(D) said she would have canceled Mardi Gras if the President told her too do so.. Riiiiiiight Mardi Gras was weeks before WHO declaired CV-19 a pandemic. I would bet my right arm that had Trump suggested just that, she would have ignored it and went ahead with the celebrations. She is clueless or never watched TV and could have come to the conclusion that having a million plus people decend on her town from all over the world might not be a good idea. We now must deal with the hand we have been dealt. We must come together and forge ahead and not lose hope. We have each other... at a distance .... but we have each other.
My parting thought is about those patients in the hospital with CV-19 and in the intensive care units on vents. I have been bothered by the isolation. All hospitals that I am aware of have stopped all visitation. So your relatives are alone at what is probably the worst time of their life. Some are dying alone with only their overworked nurse and doctor in attendance. Knowing their diagnosis upon entering the unit I am sure that they are feeling hopeless. Why can't we use our handy dandy telecom machines to take from room to room so that families can at least talk to and see their loved ones even if they cannot talk back. I would want to hear my son and daughter's voice and that of my precious grandchildren I would be filled with joy to see their faces. I would not feel so alone. I would take their words of hope and wishes for recovery and just maybe would marshal the extra nebulous "something" that I would need to survive. And if the worst happenes my family would know that they were able to say their goodbyes.
Lord I come to you in prayer that you will protect all of our front line people and that you will bless each person that has reached inside of themselves to help better the suffering of another. I pray that you will guide and direct our scientists, all health care workers, and first responders. I ask for abundant blessings for those who are delivering our supplies and food. I pray for our country and for ALL affected by this virus around the world. I pray that you will look in favor at the people who are meeting needs of their friends and neighbors. I pray for those hospitalized that you will pour your spirit down upon them so that they know that they are not alone and that their fear will be eased. I pray in Jesus name.
Amen
... if my people, who have been called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin, and I will heal their land
2 Chronicles 7:14
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