Saturday, February 26, 2011

My Day In Court as Described by My Bad Angel

I had to go to court the other day and no I was not in trouble. One of the other nurses and I had come prepared to testify in a case that we were involved in. I had just gotten off work and was in scrubs and my hair was a mess. I have a habit of running my fingers thru my hair when I am charting. I honestly don't care what my hair looks like at work. I am there to work, not to cause jealousy among other staff at my beautiful locks. Besides, in a previous blog "Bad Hair Day" I noted that every time I do my hair and it looks good it seems to attract nasty body fluids. I have digressed...sorry. Anyway Jamie and I were waiting for the doors to open up and we were entertained by the mode of dress that the general population deems appropriate for court day. I had my phone but my good angel let me know that it might be in poor taste and possibly illegal to take pictures of people and post it without their permission and besides you can't bring a phone into court. My bad angel however is writing this blog. There is a dress code in court. No sleeveless shirts, no underwear showing, no body parts(belly buttons, breasts, butts) are allowed to be displayed. You are not allowed to bring phones or purses or for that matter weapons past the front gate. The following suggestions are for those individuals that will be appearing in court in the future:
1) If you like blond hair, make it natural and cover the 4 inch black roots. Washing it would be appropriate as well. Combing, I guess can be optional as that tousled look is somewhat in fashion.
2) Bathing might be something you might want to do at least within a week of your court day. Deodorant is important as well because of the close quarters. Let me add that brushing teeth should be mandatory or don't smile.
3)If you weigh more than a tractor DO NOT wear stretch pants. I had nightmares after seeing my share of visible butt cracks thru skin tight pants. Shirts should fit and not like a glove. If you have to keep tugging it down over your butt it's too tight. You should also avoid wearing patterns that undulate over the bulges.. its almost hypnotic and not in a good way. If you have tattoos on your arms bless your little heart, cover them up. The rule is NO SLEEVELESS SHIRTS. Covering up your fashion mistake with a cammo jacket so that you could keep your court date defies words. The contrasting patterns nearly gave me a seizure.
4)Men, unless you are Brad Pitt, shave. That 5 o'clock shadow you are sporting is not exactly presenting your best face forward. Stop the spitting on the sidewalk. If you chew, go across the street and spit behind a tree. Oh and wipe your chin.
5) It probably isn't a good idea to come to court smelling like a bar and sporting bloodshot eyes...just saying.
6) Fingernails: if you have to money to get those 1 inch iridescent blue sparkly nails on your hands you can afford to get your roots done.

I have gained a new respect for the court system. Justice is indeed blind, she can't smell either. A shout out to all the judges, ADAs. clerks and court reporters, you guys have seen it all and still come back every day to see that everyone has their chance in court. To the defending attorneys... you should be held liable for not mandating that your clients and family members dress appropriately to go before 'his or her Honor". Every law enforcement representative was "spit polished" and looked so professional.

I truly am in awe of what people think is appropriate. My hair, straight as it was, ceased to concern me after what I saw.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Catch Up Time

For those who follow both blogs I have posted on my fat blog. Don't get excited I haven't had any success because I can't say no to anything. I mentioned that I went to the Mississippi lease with Stan over last weekend and was horrified to discover while using the bathroom that I was wall to wall butt. If I don't lose weight I will be forced to go in the woods. If nothing can keep me on my diet that should. We arrived at the lease with both dogs and Stan went in first to turn on the lights and heat. No power. A week ago he had been notified that the lease had been robbed of all the copper wiring that connects all the camps to power. Apparently copper is going for about 4 bucks a pound. His power lines were untouched because they are high up in the trees but the bastards unhooked him from the main box and he was having trouble hooking it back up. It was 26 degrees and I had been cramped in the back seat with Demi the wonder dog for 4 hours. I needed to pee and I was cold. There was no way I was going into the dark camper to pee just in case there was a spider hiding out from the cold. A couple of other men came over and helped Stan hook up. We actually had a good time with some lovely people. The next night we had a dinner with the others... deer meat chili and rib eye steaks. YUM. We sat around an outside fire and visited for hours.
The news has been the same old same old. We are losing ground with the national debt. Our brilliant president wants to spent more money to save money. HUH??? Sounds like he took lessons from me. Listen up stupid. It. Doesn't. Work. You have to cut back and to all Americans it is going to be painful if we take steps to save our country. We are being willingly lead to a socialist type system and we need to stop it now. Obama care is a national health care system. As of 2014 if all hospitals, doctors offices and clinics don't comply with the rules they will be punished financially. I am leaving in a week to go to Kansas City, Kansas to take part in developing a computerized system for our hospital. This is all part of the move to electronic medical records that is mandated by our government. I personally LOVE the idea of computerized charting and totally buy into the fact that it will streamline our charting, increase our ability to provide a continuity of care and decrease the errors and financial loss. I cannot buy into that it is a mandate by MY GOVERNMENT so that they have access to all my health information. Remember as I had stated in an earlier blog that by 2014 all health care providers MUST record and send your BMI( body mass index..the measurement of how fat you are) to the great cesspool in Washington or they will have their reimbursements cut. BAH.. get out of my LIFE.

Egypt exploded. The Muslim Brotherhood is standing in the wings. They may not take over this election but it is coming. I can't imagine what it must be like in Israel at the moment. The only thing I can say is remember the Arab-Israeli War in 1967... the Arabs got their collective butts kicked. My bet and all my prayers will be with Israel.

Joshua and Syd are getting married September 23, 2011. I am going to get to host another party. YAY!! I do so love a great party. This time it's the rehearsal dinner. It's still up in the air but as of now Joshua wants to have a bouchiere (hog roast) at Becky and Shane's house on the bayou. He wants all his aunts, uncles, cousins etc. to be part of the celebration. So I am looking at about 70 plus people. I can do this. Think Martha Stewart does the swamp wedding. I just hope Joshua realizes that fresh pig can cause increased intestinal activity(diarrhea). I may try to get him to chose another type protein. Still and all it will be a great time regardless of the venue. I will need tents, caterers, a zydeco band, porta-potties, bug lights and a lot of fans. I think the hostess gift to all participants will be a can of OFF. The mosquito's are a bitch that time of year. Well, love to all!!