Thursday, September 27, 2007

Hair color or What in the hell have I done to myself

There is a saying in medicine..... a person who treats himself has a fool for a doctor. Now we all know that the AMA put that out so that the MD's, DO's etc could rake in the dough from people who with a little thought could really care for themselves.... I mean really.... isn't that what MedMD is for. You put in your symptoms and voila!!!! you have 20 diseases to choose from... It's kind of like a smorgesbord ... choose your syndrome... if one sounds nasty...pick another. People should be able to handle all sorts of things by simply following directions..... You can go to Lowes and learn how to lay hard wood floors and save a TON of money on installation. There are legal forms you can down load with INSTRUCTIONS on how to do all sorts of things that you would pay good money to have a legal eagle do........ and if you are the mother of a soon to be bride you need to save all the money you can.....(refer to saving money plans in my first post) Yesterday I discovered roots. Not A. Haley's but my own dull, grayish brown roots. And I thought ...I am going to save myself 100 bucks. I went to the store and bought some L'oreal for 17.00(because I am worth it) followed the instructions to the letter and got a color that was okaaaaay but not great like when Laurie does it. It just didn't shine.... and the color wasn't vibrant like on the package and I didn't look like the girl on the package either so that was a disappointment as well. So today I went to Sally's hair supply wholesale and got myself some more color. This is a demi-color..... it will wash out..(but trust me not nearly soon enough) and it is supposed to add shine 'so much you gonna need shades' to look at me...... I spent another 5.99 for the color and 6.99 for some processing stuff. I followed the instructions EXACTLY and i have black hair..... well that's not quite true... i have very very dark red hair with some dark, dark brown undertones... kind of a goth look. I am going to pull this off by wearing some really dramatic make up and pretending that I just LOVE the new me. Joshua just came in and didn't say a word... I called and asked him what he thought about my hair. He paused for a really long time and said it was umm great. (he was trying to find the words so that I wouldn't shave my head in a rash over correction) I told him that I was just going to bleach it out and be blond for a while..... and he says to me " Don't continue down the path of wrong choices" Is that not the most profound thing... he was apparently not impressed with my shiny locks
Well friends I have to go... I need to make a hair appointment, Doctor appointment and find an attorney just in case

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Tale of Ms. Puss and the Vinegar

My niece keeps asking me to tell this story. I really don't know how to do it without possibly offending anyone... that has never really bothered me before but offending someone orally is a heck of a lot different than offending them in print.
Once upon a time( over 30 years) in a place far far away.. there were 2 BEAUTIFUL girls in nursing school. Lets see we will call them Debbie S. and Patty G.Their nursing school was a boarding place and had very archaic bathrooms..... no showers just bathtubs..about 6 or so lining the bathroom. It was the job of each beautiful nursing student after bathing herself to wash the tub out with Clorox and comet cleanser. Now beautiful people tend to be lazy (except for Debbie and Patty) who were more mature and apparently cleaner than the rest and who ALWAYS cleaned out their tubs as ordered. These two innocent nursing students climbed into visually clean tubs but not hygienically cleaned tubs and contracted ummmmmm put it clinically vaginitis from previous student bathers. Fairly soon in lecture the entire class (sans the 2 male students) that boarded were fidgeting in class trying to ignore the worse itch and burn in their nether regions or as we called it back then Ms. Puss. It was so noticeable that class was dismissed and all were sent to the student health center. Patty and Debbie were among the last and didn't have to disrobe or be examined ....down there.... thank the good lord.... as they were modest as well as beautiful and quite frankly the doctor had seen all the student Ms. Puss he cared to see. When they walked in he gave them two bags with hoses on the end and told them to douche with vinegar and water. As they walked away it hit them that they didn't know the concentration so Debbie walked back in and asked the concentration of vinegar and water. The doctor said clearly 4:1. Debbie and Patty, being the conscientious student nurses carefully mixed up the solution of 4 parts vinegar and 1 part water in their little bags with hoses... sat on side by side commodes and opened the valve. The first sound heard from both was a high pitched keening sound that would have broken crystal...... then Patty was heard going pouffe,pouffe, pouffe... blowing on Ms Puss to stop the burn. Debbie was still sucking in air in an effort to be able to scream again. Needless to say their malady was cured and they both learned a valuable lesson as nursing students.... to always verify orders from a busy doctor. It took some time for both of them to be able to smell vinegar based salad dressing without jumping up while pressing their legs together to protect Ms. Puss... and hobble to safety.
The End

Friday, September 21, 2007

Kay, JoJo, Ruth... Long distance Friends

I have had an opportunity to be in mail and phone contact with old friends just recently... and not just about the upcoming wedding but just getting back in touch. I'm sure that you have read various emailing about what makes true friend. As far as I am concerned there is only one marker and that is when you call, email etc. that the months or years fall away and it seems like yesterday that you talked with the person..... everyday contact is not a requirement.

I hadn't talked with Kay in years and contacted her by email a few months ago. .... caught her up on what was happening and got a great letter in return.... and found out that she is still one of the greatest people you could ever want to know. Kay is a successful veterinarian in Houston. She has been a blessing to me for over 20 years. She got Stan and I involved in dog shows which looking back was some of the best fun I have ever had. She gave Joshua a beautiful Gordon Setter for his birthday when we lived in Texas... Wildwinds Jazz a Bell and our first Gordon... Wildwinds Jive n Jazz.... 'Simon'. Our two Westhighland White Terriers, Carley and Bailey were from Kay as well. We were tag- a - longs but really had such a good time at all the shows. Memory is a funny thing..... one thing about Kay that sticks in my mind was the movie Dirty Dancing... I think we replayed the last scene.... remember...... when they do the great dance at the end .....over and over and over again. The other thing was mentioned in a previous post..... she would sigh.... a deep and expressive sigh that spoke volumes and usually was accompanied by an eye roll of Olympic quality..... it made me laugh and try as I might I have never been able to mimic it.

I talked with Jo-Jo night before last and hadn't talked with her in over a year....other than e-mails... she called me and was like yesterday that we had spoken. I am a story teller.... I have a million stories that get repeated often and cause hilarity when told. Honestly JoJo has provided me with some of my best material... she has some of the best life experiences of anyone I know and when she would call with her latest escapade I would be weak from laughing. She and I have been friends for 25 + years.... her brother Ed gave me away when I married Stan. She was in the delivery room when I had Becky. She is mother to 5 really great kids and wife to wonderful Perry. Many of my current Christmas traditions were borrowed from JoJo. She came down for Mardi Gras 2006 and we had the time of our lives at the parade, catching beads and drinking wine. She had a world class mom.... Jackie..... who would occasionally stop by my home on the way to Florida from Texas.... with her huge boxer in tow(Brutus) Once she came in took a look around and told me ..... "I hope to God you're good in bed because you are a terrible housekeeper". She stayed for 3 days and put my house in order.

This morning I talked with Ruth. .... another 25+ year friendship. She started out as my baby sitter for 3 year old Joshua and ended up a part of the family. Ruth has 5 girls.... they grew up with my kids...When we lived in College Station, Texas.... not a day went by that we didn't see each other... she kept me supplied in cigarettes...because I DID NOT SMOKE. She prayed me thru more trauma than I care to remember. She fed my kids fruit roll ups, raisins, and chocolate chips. My favorite memory is Thanksgiving... we did Thanksgiving together and invited anyone who didn't have any place to go.... we had sometimes 30-40 people for dinner. She was pregnant one year and called me the night before......she thought she might be having contractions... I told her she was NOT allowed to have that baby..... she had pies and a turkey to cook plus she had a hankering for tomato aspic(which looks like jelled blood) and I had made her a large bowl of the stuff. I told her to take a pill, drink some wine.... and not be late for dinner the next day. She showed up.... in labor......with the food.... She spent some time with me two falls ago and I can still see her at the stove with her rhinestone encrusted reading glasses on holding a cigarette...
My children are richer because of Kay, JoJo, and Ruth. I really love these long distance friends. Joshua once told me that when I get old that he will take care of me. He added in Kay and Ruth and JoJo( and now my friend Jill).... said he would make sure that we were in the same room together in the home. I am sure that you all are comforted by that promise!!!!!

Thanks to the three of you wonderful women... you have given me some of my very best memories.. and have shared in my life even in the worst of times.... here's to another 25 years.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Dogs, forks and ice cream



We have three dogs. Demi, my sons' dog is a boxer, Bently an English Bulldog and Elizabeth another English Bulldog. Demi is by far the most intelligent and, I swear to you, understands just about everything you say to her. Joshua has her trained to voice and hand commands.... not by any special training but just by talking to this lovely animal..she watches him and nearly always anticipates everything he is wanting or thinking about. Bently is a credit to his breed in that he is a gregarious animal and great family dog. Elizabeth is the BABY.... and she is stinking spoiled rotten by Stan. My husband Stan is a very rational, clean, sensible individual EXCEPT when it comes to his baby, Elizabeth. Elizabeth can do no wrong....or if she does, the wrongness of what she does is greatly reduced by how cute she is doing it. She devours the tassels off of his shoes and he smiles. She tears magazines and newspapers up and he is mellow. She spends most of her day on top of or beside Stan if he is home. She likes pretty much everyone but she ADORES Stanley. Stan feeds her off of a spoon and or fork. The first time I saw him do this I was stunned ...... this is so unlike Stanley... and gives a whole new meaning to feeding from the table. Now to be fair he shares with the other dogs as well. When I saw him first do this I nearly peed myself laughing. The older dogs were sitting on the floor at his feet and Elizabeth was on the couch next to him. They never took their eyes off him and his large bowl of ice cream... I called names, yelled at them and no one moved a muscle.... eyes shifted slightly to see if per chance I might have some food but darted back to Stanley... the person currently holding their favorite food. To be honest...their favorite food is anything that you have. I believe that they think if a human eats it it has to be better than Pedigree. Stanley took his spoon and gave a bite to Elizabeth which she snorted off the spoon not spilling a drop. Next came Bentley... with the same result. Demi is last and she is more delicate and she is quite frankly a DOG so she licked the spoon resulting in a ice cream plop on the floor which Bently ate. Stan was upset with Demi because she couldn't eat from a spoon..."the other dogs do it...why can't she"... My first thoughts: well she is a DOG..... they don't have opposing thumbs and most dogs I am aware of (please correct me if I am wrong) don't use silverware to scoop up kibbles. The BABY thinking she missed a turn takes her paw and gently taps Stan on the arm or stomach..... as if to say.... HEY YOU MISSED ME.... FEED ME I'M the BABY!!!!!! I was vaguely insulted for Demi who is really the smartest dog in Carencro if not the whole state of Louisiana so for the next WEEK when i should have been in bed early I was teaching her on the sly to eat off a fork and spoon....never even questioned myself about the logic or sanity of my actions. As I am writing this I am thinking about my friend Dr. Kay McGuire, DVM..... she used to have this HUGE sigh accompanied by a world class eye roll when she came upon something stupid or someone who was behaving like an ass... I know that if she is reading this what she is doing..... hope her eyes don't lock. To end this dear friends know that Demi is still more delicate with silverware but can eat off a fork and spoon like a champ. I don't spoil my dogs like Stanley does.... the only treat they get from me is sugar free/fat free whipped cream in a can. .... don't get grossed out... they have their own can... I squirt it out of the can about 3 feet above their heads( the aerosol is bad for them i am sure!!!) and they snatch it out of the air.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Elite School for the Performing Arts/ Cornerstone Dance Theatre

Allow me to introduce my son and his business partner. They are the proud owners of Elite School of the Performing Arts. Elite is the home school for their non-profit dance group Cornerstone Dance Theatre. Cornerstone represents all dance genre : jazz, hiphop, ballet, tap God truly directed them to this fabulous building 2 years ago and enabled them to continue on this year. They started out with no money and a very kind landlord. They are doing better and better each year. They still don't really have a paycheck but HEY!!! the bills are paid, other dance instructors are getting paid and each year things are looking up!! This years performance is on tape and i will be happy to send it to you to view. I will also be happy to receive a check for any amount made out to Cornerstone Dance Theatre. We do have non-profit status in the state of Louisiana and will have federal as soon as we get the paper work submitted(its finished) with the 500.00 submission fee(we are close to having the money). Please don't think 'dance review' because it's not. You will be very surprised. Don't forget, I am serious, If you would like to see the tape send me your address and i will send it to you. I am that proud.
The picture below is Desiree Doucet, married to the most understanding of all husbands, Patrick and mother to Charlotte, Corinne, and Olivia.... her three beautiful girls. Desiree has a very impressive resume in dancing... please check it out at their site on line at She is in charge of all business ends of the operation and the ballet mistress for the junior company. She is also the outreach dance instructor in a local private school.
Joshua is the Ballet Master for the senior company. His resume is also online at the above address and is equally as impressive. He is the owner of the smartest of all canines Harts Angel on Demipoint or Demi to her friends. (she will be featured in another post...don't miss why dogs don't eat with utensils)He is my son and the brother to Becky, the bride to be. Joshua is a choreographer and has been teaching all over the country. Its not just traditional ballet...... you would be surprised.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

First day of real wedding stuff/ church hunting

Aren't they the best looking couple? Shane and Becky have tentatively set a date for September 13,2008. But that could change because we only have the reception place, finding a church may prove more difficult. We scouted out the "favorite" place yesterday. They had previously sent Becky a paper with multiple orders that had to be met before they could even schedule the ceremony. One of which was I had to certify that she had never been married before. Then we had to have a baptismal record which of course we don't have because she is the product of a Assembly of God/Baptist union. Both of those believe in baptism after you really understand the full implications..... in other words we do not sprinkle. We do a great dedication but no to the baptism until we can put you in a robe and dunk you in a baptismal pool... or in my case I got dunked in a river. Down here you don't see to many river dunkings probably because of the toxic waste found in most of Louisiana water.... and too, the alligators and cottonmouth snakes would tend to discourage open water baptism. We kept the appointment and met with a lovely woman I will call...spider lady.... she was skinny, old, smelled musty...did have great jewelry on though and had lo-o-o-o-ng pauses down to a fine art. I had worked the night before and had not been to bed. The appointment was at 2pm. We handed her the paperwork and she looked it over and said ohhhhhhhhhhhh this wont do. We had only a copy of Shane's baptism record not a recently certified, blessed by the Bishop, sealed copy. Then asked Becky for her record... (which we don't have..)..long pause.....oh my.....long pause.... play- with -her expensive- brooch -with -her- spider- fingers. WELLLLLLL I will go and find out what we need to do. Shane was not happy, Becky had her 'blank'face in place and I was in full fidget mode... my legs were swelling, cankles getting bigger I was really really irritated. She came back in and repeated previously given information and indicated we would have to get the missing documents and make another appointment.. Shane and Becky were ready to leave as I was but I just HAD to ask if she could go over the rules so that we would know whether or not this was really the place. Shane didn't move his head he just looked at me out of the corner of his eyes and his face got red.... Becky closed her eyes... and the woman read....and read.....and read....slooooooooooowly. The reason I know this isn't the church for us is the rules banning running naked thru the church, the refusal to allow mooning from the front and no animal participants. Shane burst out laughing said I guess that has happened for it to be mentioned in the book. Spider Lady just pursed her lips and said welllllllllll. So come on.... I can understand no streaking....but no MOONING??????....... and no animals?????... Stan kinda thought it would be cute for Elizabeth the bulldog to be outfitted to carry the ring..... I hadn't approached Becky yet but i have a feeling that would have been a NO anyway.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


As I sat and watched Fox news this am they had a replay of 9/11/01. The tears continue to come each and every time I see what happened to us on that day. I sincerely hope that will never change.... that i will continue to feel the emotion, sorrow and pain that the images give me. I will never forget and will pray on this day each year for those who lost loved ones and for all of us that this never happens again. When I am blessed with grandchildren and they see me cry over the anniversary of this day i will tell them it was the day we changed and that we lost not just lives but our innocence. I will never forget.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Cameras, eye balls and best friends

Oh bliss, the wonder of it all..... the camera does it all by itself. I hooked the camera up to charge up the battery(it didn't need it...I have only taken 8 pics but you never know and I want to be prepared) and the computer sucked the pictures out of the camera onto my Kodak site. I want to share them with you or at least the first few
. Tonight I will try to get pictures of Becky, Shane and Stanley on here.This is a picture of my eye ball, I was playing with the camera and looking into the lens to see if it opened and closed like it should and I snapped a pic of myself...nearly blinded me. The DHC makeup is working......really.... I know you can't tell but I was hard at work and I was tired and the bags would be A LOT worse without my Eye Bright from DHC
The above pic for those who dont know me at all is of my son Joshua Hart or the-man-who-dances. He usually has hair but per agreement with his dancers for a job well done he shaved his head after the last performance. He forgot about his photo shoot with a local magazine...but he is still cute.

These next two pics need a slight explanation. This is one of my very best friends who tends to be slightly paranoid about having her pic on the internet. She is afraid she will attract a stalker. She really is very cute under the bag. Please enlarge the pic so that you can see the tiara she drew on top.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Future son-in-law, camera continuations

I was surprised and thrilled to see a blurb on page 2 of our newspaper about my future son-in-law. It concerned his promotion in the Louisiana National Guard. He was promoted to sergeant first class in a ceremony held on 8/26 by his unit, Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 256th Infantry Brigade Combat Team. It followed that "Garrard, a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom III, has numerous military awards to include the Global War on Terrorism Medal, the Iraqi Campaign Medal, the Meritorious Service Medal, the Louisiana Cross of Merit and the Louisiana War Cross. He joined the Louisiana National Guard in April 1994"

I liked Shane from the first time I saw him. He is a funny, intelligent, hard working and sweet guy(boy is he going to that THAT description) He has plenty to brag on about himself but you never hear him talk about himself in that light..... so I have done it for him.!!!! Benny and Frances (his parents) you raised a wonderful man for my daughter and I am so very grateful to you. You are blessed.

Now on to really serious things here... I can take pictures. I have great pics of the dogs... what I am having trouble with is getting them out of the camera into my computer then into this blog area. I am hoping to start displaying pics by tomorrow but it isn't looking good. I am techno-tarded. You all have no idea how thrilled i am that I have been able to set up this blog. My most beautiful niece Carrie is giving me tutorials via email and as long as i do exactly what she says i am doing great. I am going to keep a note book so that i can refer back to instructions. The afore mentioned future son-in-law is the V.P. of Omni COMPUTER Store..... So i know you are thinking.... why not ask him?.... well i would except i think it makes my daughter slightly upset for one of two reasons... 1)The volumes of calls that would happen if I felt i had free rain to call him each time i got confused( no more than 50 a day!!!!!) or 2) she doesn't want him to realize just how computer stupid I am!!

I will figure out how to load pics by tomorrow.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

My New Camera

It came, it came, my new camera came. I don't understand it . It has cables, wires, pokey things, and a CD that I have to play to learn how to operate the thing. I don't do well with written instructions.....I need hands on, in your face.. this is how you do it personal type involvement.. BUT I will try to learn. Today is Saturday at 430 in the morning and I am at work. I was able to turn the camera on and took a great shot of my right eyeball. It's ridiculous how excited i was. Its got 10 or 12 megapixies things... which apparently means that i can blow pictures up to poster size and retain the quality. I CANT WAIT TO TAKE PICTURES..... coming attractions.... my cankles in my new z-coil shoes, Becky's engagement ring, all the picture 'hints' mentioned in the first post..... my mind is buzzing with all the possibilities of things that i can photograph and share on my blog!!!!! Carrrie how will i ever thank you for opening up this brand new way of self expression!!!!You of course are the bomb!!!!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

My First Ever Blog

My niece Carrie tells me that all the 'cool kids blog' so that i need to get in the groove. Apparently the only cool kids in our family are Carrie, Robbon, and now me!!! I really don't know much about this so I will be feeling my way along. The fun thing is I get to put in pictures... the 'more funner' thing is I got a NEW camera. I have bounced myself into the digital age via HSN. You see last week I was left alone. Joshua(picture to follow) was teaching a dance course in Indiana and Stan(picture to follow) was in Mississippi at his hunting lease putting a 'room' on his trailer(pictures to follow) I was left alone with the 2 dogs. Elizabeth the English Bulldog(picture to follow) was in Mississippi with daddy'. Demi the boxer, and Bently the English Bulldog(pictures to follow) weren't as entertaining as they usually are and I was channel surfing. Somehow HSN came on and they were selling cameras. WOOHOO I just love that flex pay option. I ordered a Kodak something or other. My sister Patti tells me its a good camera. Now all I have to do is learn how to use it and I will be a picture taking fool in no time and post all the above mentioned shots. I have two wonderful children. Joshua the dancer and Becky the nurse. Becky(picture to follow) is getting married to Shane( you guessed it...picture to follow) in about a year. I just got the estimates for the wedding...and thank God I was sitting. I however nearly choked on my sunflower seed that I was sucking on. I shouldn't have bought the camera.... it would have paid for a flower. The only thing pressing in my life now is to figure out how to use the digital camera, pay for a wedding that has the budget that would keep a third world country in food for a year, and most important.... lose the 100 lbs that I have gained so that my glide down the aisle will be met with gasps of surprise and comments about how OUTSTANDING I look...finally.

Diets, Makeup and saving money for the wedding planner

In approximately one year Stan and I will be giving our daughter away. I have the estimated cost from the wedding planner. Boy does that sound planner..... but the wedding planner is looking like the most important person in my life currently. I have NO TIME. I work obscene hours and as I get older I have trouble keeping track of things. The ultimate important person in the wedding is the one-who-keeps-track-of-things. Actually that person is second to the-one-who-pays-for-things but he is still a very important person. As I stated last post I nearly choked when i saw the estimated cost. With what I felt was a reasonable cost apparently all we could have had was a preacher in cutoffs in the backyard with balloons, hot dogs, and a Twinkies Cake. But you know what, I do so love a good party so I am evaluating the things that I can give up or do without to save money for the-one-who-keeps-track-of things.

Thing number one: DHC skin care. Any of you all heard about this stuff? Its the ultimate revenge of the Japanese. I started using DHC several months ago and it ain't cheap. I use the Platinum Silver Nanocolloid Milky Essence alternating with Fermented Soy Milky Essence followed by the Platinum Silver Heavy Cream twice a day. Oh,oh, oh i forgot I cleanse my face with olive oil and olive oil soap... balance my face with CQ10 toner then use the above. At bedtime after all the above I slather on pure virgin olive oil. Then I use the Bright Eyes ointment to decrease the bags I get( from working so much to pay for this stuff). Twice a week I use the Tourmaline face pack Now I don't know if it is doing any good. I am too scared to quit using it. The packaging alone is so pretty that when I see it I can feel my face tightening up and paying for it makes other areas of my body tighten up.... but hey.. I have been telling myself that I am worth it. This was before the wedding or BTW.

Thing number 2: The other area that I spend alot of money on is my diet. I have been on Nutrisystem for several months now. It is a fabulous diet. I LOVE the food. They send you everything you need except the salad stuff, milk stuff and vegetable stuff. They even send you dessert. Man oh man is this stuff great. Diets are not supposed to taste good. You are on a diet because you are being punished for having no self control. Suffering makes you reflect about how bad it was to choose Ding-Dongs over the carrot sticks for the past 20 years. Nutrisystem is addicting and yes I have been cheating, so much so, that I have wasted the past 3 months. Now I can quit ordering the food and try to do this on my own and save money for the-one-who-keeps-track-of-things or I can really really really stick to this diet and lose my 100 pounds BTW.

Thing number 3: I get my hair done once every 3 months...100 bucks and I am good to go. That includes color, cut and tip. To keep my hair really nice I started using John Sebastian hair products about 2 months ago: Shampoo 18 bucks, conditioner 13 bucks, laminating stuff 18 bucks(its makes your hair shine.... really!!!!) and hair spray 15 bucks. I should go back to White Rain, I know I should.... it's just so hard.

If I stop using all the above I could save a fair amount of money but then I close my eyes and envision the wedding with me sitting in the front row..... overweight, thin grey hair, with sagging skin and eye bags. People will swear my mother has returned from the great beyond. I really owe it to my daughter and her boyfriend to look my best. Maybe I could have a car wash or a bake sale.......