Sunday, August 31, 2008

11:20 PM the night before Gustav

I have a question.... does food consumed during a hurricane count against your total intake? We are thinking that hurricane calories don't count and in fact if you eat standing up you end up in a negative calorie situation.

Update Sunday 7:30pm

Eerie..... that's what the I-10 corridor looks like going to work. No cars, scary clouds overhead, light rain and just a little wind. It's quiet. Breaux Bridge looks like a ghost town. Walmart is CLOSED... you really know your butt is in a sling when the local Walmart is closed. Businesses are boarded up and no one is on the street except the fool who is typing this blog.....and I was on my way to work. I have food, toothbrush, hairbrush and lipstick.... now really, I am WAY prepared. I came into work to the gentle voices of people yelling at each other over the schedule. My feeling is just shut the hell up, we have a job to do and we get paid. The upside is I have good food, toothbrush, and the prayers of many.... so I am blessed. We still have people here in Breaux Bridge that haven't left. One of my favorite patients (with permission I use her name) Doris Rollins is staying with her adopted son and his wife the Guidrys. Please say abundant prayers for them. She has breathing problems that become severe in a short time and she would never make it to the hospital during the storm. I am on a short fuse and people are still bitching about coming in. My feeling is they don't show up.....terminate their butts.
On that friendly note..... I will close and write later. Love to all.

Update on Gustav the Big BJ

Now don't get me wrong I am not trying to make light of what is headed our way by calling Gustav the big blow job... but think about it. You get all worked up he blows thru and you are left with a bad taste in your mouth. It looks like it is going to hit mid-morning tomorrow. I have been called and have to bring all my stuff to the hospital and won't be home till Tuesday AM. This has the potential of scaring the shit out of me. Stan has been cooking all day and I have food to take to the hospital and I have a toothbrush. I am worried about my family. I wish they all would go north but no go. Joshua went to the studio and got all the stuff relating to the studio just incase.... Bentley is still missing and my other dogs are restless. Well I need to go, get my hair dried and pack up and go. Keep us in your prayers

Gustav or the Big Blow Job

Well it looks like we are going to take a hit. Our patients are being evacuated today BUT the ER will remain open. It is being forecasted as a Cat 4 on landfall in Terrabonne Parrish and by the time it gets to Carencro it should be down to a 3.... boy that's a HUGE relief. I can't get Stan and Joshua to leave with the dogs and I doubt that I will be able to make it home tomorrow morning. Just in case you are wondering... the wedding is on.... on where remains to be seen......but it is still on. Bring rain slickers... Hanna is still out there. Say a prayer.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Update on Gustav

Just in case you never watch TV..... Gustav is a cat 4 now and it hasn't hit the gulf yet..... and no Gustav is not a friend of Sponge Bob. My FBFFJJ( that is Florida best friend forever JoJo) and my FBFFHP(Florida best friend forever husband Perry) called me to let me know that this is going to be a monster storm and that they were thinking about me. Well my understanding is that we will evacuate our patients this weekend to a hospital up north Louisiana BUT we will leave the ER open. Now I wish that I loved med-surg nursing. Keep Becky and me in your prayers, we will both be on duty in different ERs

Here We Go Again and Wedding Update

I am getting a little tired of hurricanes. I have been on duty for the last several big ones and it looks like by luck of the draw I get Gustav with the rest of my co-workers. We discussed what we will bring to the hospital for food in case we get stuck there all day. Hurricane food is important because it needs to provide a lot of energy and has to be portable so you can eat on the run. Things like Ding-Dongs, potato chips, cookies and Twinkies come to mind but to each his own. As of 8am this Saturday morning Gustav is a Cat 3. Oh joy. I think I am going to do a prayer march around the church and the reception place.... I may also include the restaurant owned by the caterer. I wish that the rest of you faithful 2 readers would include these areas in with your nightly prayers.. seems a bit selfish but..... well, it is a lot selfish but I really want the wedding to go off without a hitch. Please also pray for the whole state just in case, we have had enough. Everything is done for the wedding(I think) except that I don't have my shoes. If all else fails I can probably get by with just painting my toenails.... my dress is really long. Oh I almost forgot... I have to finish putting bows on the bubbles and bells and do the little wedding souvenirs( I am going to enlist my mother-in-law and my Florida BFF Jo-Jo to help with the souvenirs). The gift bags will be done by Becky and me next week. I have it on a good source from the Queen of gift bags, sister Patti, that they are going to be great!! She really didn't want to know but I wanted to make sure they were up to her standards. I have purchased the wine, beer and colas for the party Friday night and the caterer is ready with the snacks. Come for fun and bring your cameras.
Well I must go to bed... I will keep you all posted about the weather and what is happening down here in in Louisiana.

P.S. Bentley is still AWOL. I can only pray that someone nice has him.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Mr. Bentley

Wednesday morning at 5am I let my 8 year old English bulldog out to do his business. He loves to sniff and pee, sniff and pee for what seems like forever. He must investigate the whole backyard to make sure that no other dog has invaded his kingdom. He chases the neighbor's chickens that they have allowed to run free and checks out the bunnies that the neighbors have also allowed to roam. He takes his time and returns inside when all is right with his world or his dinner is ready or he is too hot. I leave the door just cracked and about 10 minutes later he comes in to go back to bed. This day he didn't come back in and I missed him about 30 minutes later. I called and whistled and shook his noise maker to no avail. I was heart sick and went out to look for him. I saw him two fields over with another dog, sniffing away and not responding to my yelling.... then he disappeared from view. He has not returned home yet and my heart is broken. He doesn't do well in the heat. I am praying that someone has found him and just can't resist those beautiful brown eyes. If you have him please note that he sleeps in your bed(usually on his back with his feet in the air), he will sit on your lap in the recliner and he loves to chase lights and noise makers. He is a gentle soul with a big heart and a stubborn streak. He has raised a boxer and another English bulldog and puts up with all kinds of dog abuse. Demi and Elizabeth are missing him. They went out the other night and stood in the back yard butt to butt and just barked... then changed direction and barked again. They both have investigated his kennel and searched the house. Elizabeth went to his kennel and whined. Bentley we are all missing you. I hope you are on a grand adventure.. but if not, know that you have my heart with you and I greatly miss the weight of you on my legs. It's not the same at home without you. Bentley, my "Mr. Man" come home.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

OH CRAP......

You cannot expect that all things will be done perfectly and according to plan when you are having a big event for instance a WEDDING. The first problem was the closing of the restaurant where the reception was to be held. That actually was a blessing in disguise because the wonderful Ted Viator found us The Crown Room and a great caterer so that problem was quickly solved. Lots of great things happened since then like I found all my 'duds' at one store within 90 minutes, we have a great cake, we have had 2 great parties, we have the hair, nail, and makeup people lined up. All was just as smooth as glass. The only thing left last week to do was the GIFT Bags (which if you read Blog 4/20/08 you will understand its' level of importance ) the wedding favors and most important the INVITATIONS. The invitations came in and we picked them up Wednesday. I went to Becky's and pulled one to take to work. I looked it over and really was thrilled at how lovely they were. I left and went on my merry way until I reached a stop light and I had a sinking feeling that I was missing something. I glanced again at the invitation and realized that it was perfect except that it was missing the TIME. Now we could send them out and people could show up at the church at 7am and just wait till the bridal party showed up or I could hand write the time on the invites or I could include a card that states the time of the event. Tammy the wonderful owner of By Invitation Only having good sense and taste, refused to allow any of the above to take place. The fact is that Tammy, Becky and I all approved the proof. Tammy made a quick call and will have the invitations ready for today in the afternoon. I have been informed by MANY people that I am way late in sending them out. Well you know what, MY BAD. So please note: The wedding of the year featuring the wonderful Rebekah and the equally wonderful Shane will be held on September 13th at 1:30pm at Our Lady of Fatima, Y'all come.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Ode to the Spanx Queen

My blogging niece requested that I place my new poem on my blogging site. I hope you all enjoy.

Ode to the Spanx Queen
One foot front of the other as I glide down the aisle,
My Spanx pulled tight, my buns in a pile
of fat squeezed together as tight as can be,
Not a whisper of space left over for me.
If I take a deep breath or do chance to fart
I am afraid that I will come busting apart
and show to the audience what I've tried so to hide,
My rippley thighs and my butt a mile wide.
The End
My friend Troy Sonnier felt that we could make some serious money. He could film me trying to pull up the spanx and put it on the internet on a pay for view venue...... hummmmmmmm

Monday, August 4, 2008

Addendum to Spanx and the Intimacy Factor

I have been married for 28 years and my husband has certainly seen it all as far as I am concerned. He has seen me "nekkid", he held my head when I have been sick, he has been a rock by my side during a few surgeries and he watched the birth of our daughter. I have never been shy but do admit to trying to disguise the fact that I have stockpiled enough fat to get me through a world class famine. Shyness is a strange thing. We are shy about certain things that given a different circumstance the shyness flies out the window. An example is giving birth. In normal circumstances no woman wants to be bare assed, legs in the air in front of a group of people.....but in the last transition of labor you don't care if the entire graduating class of medical students from John Hopkins is looking at your nether regions, you just want that baby OUT. Most people also don't like company in the bathroom either but I would sooner have done my business in the middle of field at half-time than ask my husband to help me pull my Spanx up.... which is what I had to do.
I wanted to show Stan what my wedding clothes looked like and get his approval. I put them on without my Spanx and I looked terrible. My house was cool, I was not sweating so I figured I could get my spanx on without trouble. I made it as far as my waist. I would push the fat down and pull the Spanx up on one side and the fat would pop out on the other side. I battled that bitch for about 10 minutes when my hands were cramped, I was sweating and I was exhausted. I had to get Stan to help me. I walked into the kitchen with the Spanx to just above my waist... I had the mother of all muffin tops(that's what the fat is called that over hangs your jeans)I asked Stan to help me. This had the POTENTIAL of a very caring, intimate moment when the loving husband assists the poor wife. Stan took one look at me and to give him credit, did not actually laugh out loud he just sort of turned the color of a ripe apple and started making snorting noises....... "How do you want me to help you?" I asked him to pull it up over my butt higher and hoist it up to my boob line while I grabbed the front at the same time. He nearly lifted me off the floor from behind but accomplished the deed. He suggested that this would make a great picture on my blog. Then he laughed. Briefly. It's hard giving the evil eye while I was standing there in the kitchen, in only a spanx, with sweat dripping down my face. I have decided that I have to wear this thing every day for a period of time for two reasons. First I need the practice in getting it up by all by myself and lastly I really need to learn to pee in it because once this thing is on I am not taking it down for any reason other than to go to bed.