70 and Still Counting

 Today is my birthday. I'm seventy and I am in wonder of what the years have taught me.  There have been so many changes both good and bad.  Through it all I still remain hopeful for myself and others.  I still have love in my heart and I still have goals to meet.  

I have a wonderful job with a crew of the best nurses who can still teach this old RN something.  I told my boss today that I want to be like that  old surgical nurse still working at 95.  She responded with laugh emojis and the word "goals".  

I am losing weight thanks to the gastric sleeve but I am no longer apologizing  for my choice.  Whatever works is my new moto.  I will never get into a bikini again but at least I can move and function to the best of my ability.  As far as the bikini goes who knows?.  Age has given me a distinct lack of embarrassment for my choices.  I am not at the  wearing-slippers-to-Walmart stage but I shop without wigs and makeup.  I sometimes wear the same thing over and over.  My daughter often asks me if I don't have something else to wear.  I do, I really have a closet full but I am lazy and prone to the comfort of something familiar.  Weight loss is improving me in that area.  Becky has passed down bags of clothes for me to wear and she has excellent taste.  

My memory is fairly good although I still forget that I have told someone something...so sue me.  I am crap with names.  But this is nothing new.  When I was married the first time.  I took my new husband to a party with hospital bigwigs. I stated this is my husband, turned to look at him and promptly forgot his name.  He said Steven Hart to which I responded " oh yes that's his name".  My neighbor has told me that I am frequently distracted and that causes me to forget.  I like that so  I put everything in my phone and if I lose my phone I will be in deep doodoo.  I use my car GPS to get to work because I use the travel time to talk to people to ease the boredom of the drive.  I will miss my turn EVERY TIME unless I get the verbal cue to turn.  

 The gene for housekeeping is not in my makeup. I am an abysmal housekeeper unless company is coming.   I will occasionally get up and do the basics and while that should be reward enough I really want someone to pop up and scream GOOD JOB each time I dust.  I need immediate feedback. My clothes are clean and my dishes done but I am messy.  I love it when I pick up and put things away but don't love it enough to do it all the time. I love a clean tidy house I really do but I work and I am tired when I get off.  Plus I have to catch up on reality shows I have missed.   I am slowly decluttering which means I am throwing away stuff I haven't used in a year or making trips to Goodwill.  My daughter is a good housekeeper I wish I could have the same umph that she does.  

I have been asked after I lose weight if I will date.  My answer is always the same.  No.  I have said in a previous blog from years ago that I would have to pass out a disclaimer card stating that while I do have my own teeth  other parts are not real.  My wigs, I love my wigs.  I have too many but that didn't stop me from ordering another one for my 70th birthday in a silver grey.  I have hair nearly to my shoulders and I get to pin it up and slap a wig  on and my hair looks perfect without the trouble.  My hair is dirty brown/blond.  If it was grey or white I might never wear another wig.  I get so many compliments on my grey and white wigs.  I have had cataract surgery and  a left hip replacement.  In 2003 I had a bilateral mastectomy because of cancer and have implants.  I may, in the future have my implants removed and just get tattooed across my chest.  I wear contacts every once in a while because I have the cutest rhinestone  readers otherwise I am in my glasses.  I sometimes wear false eyelashes, but who doesn't wish they had longer lashes?.  I have my own nails but have discovered the joy of pop on nails.  Name a color and I probably have it.  I rarely shave my legs.  I did shave for surgery but forgot the backs.  I have 2 inch hair on the back of my legs.  I occasionally see my doctor who has a spa and get fillers for my lips and creases in my face.  When I lose all my weight will be paying him for an overhaul.  He can do laser work to get rid of what ever sagging facial issues I have.  He can take my own fat and put it in the areas that need "plumping" I can't wait.  I really don't see a need to grow old gracefully if I can soften up the lines that age has created.  I am doing it for me and no one else. I may even start to shave my legs again.   I really don't need a man in my life unless he is gay.  I like to go out  to dinner and a movie on occasion and someone to come over and have dinner at my house.  Oh, scratch that, then I would have to clean.  I don't want to invest whatever time I am granted on this earth in someone other than my family.

I am still sarcastic and have a odd sense of humor.  I have little use for idiots and getting older has made that worse.  What I am thinking can be seen on my face and incase you missed what my face says, my mouth will open up and give you a verbal reading.  My filter is getting mighty slim.

Just when we think we have seen and heard everything, life up and hands you an emotional or physical  curve ball.  Age has given me a greater ability to roll with the punches.  Not to say that I can't be hurt because I have been.  I have been devastated at times.  I keep going because like my mom I have a stronger faith and my belief in God is inviolate.  I am saved bless God.  

I am 70 years old and I have learned that I like myself.  It took me a while but I really do like me.  I have some growing up to do  because I have  a side to me that is still 10 years old and she can be a hot mess, but she is fun.   I like being a grandmother and love the fact that my granddaughter Aster Leigh cries when I leave my daughter's house.  She will stop doing that in the too near future but for now I relish the genuine tears for missing me. I love all my grands and love the fact that I see so much of my son and daughter in their children. 

I can be irritating, repetitive, sarcastic, funny, short tempered, tearful, sad, happy, insecure, talkative, angry, dramatic and a host of other descriptions that I can think of.   I'm 70 get over it.    

Starting Anew a Debbie Reset: My Journey Starts

 Hi there my name is Debbie and I LOVE food.  I love the smell, texture, and taste.  I have put on a tremendous amount of weight over the years and have now found at the age of 69 difficulty in mobility, joint pain and general disgust at the way I look and fit into clothes.  I am an expert on diets and am well versed on Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Adkins, The Grapefruit diet, Sugar Busters and probably 20 more I have forgotten.  They work for a time and have helped millions of people(not so sure about the Grapefruit diet though).  They worked for me.  I lost over 100 lbs. on Sugar busters in 5 months and kept it off for 5 years until I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002 and then gained over 60 lbs. in less than a year.  There wasn't a carb that I didn't like. Then over the next years I slowly gained weight to what I am currently.  I don't eat all the time and I only eat when I am hungry but Lordy I eat like a field hand when I am hungry.  I don't have candy, cakes, ice-cream, and cookies constantly at my home.  I have been known  to eat 10 oreo cookie at a sitting and substitute a half gallon of ice cream instead of lunch and dinner.  So I stopped buying those goodies.  I was however a visitor at Dairy Queen for a small cone at the end of my work week.  I really didn't experience a lot of self loathing that some experience nor was I glorying in my rolls of fat.  I was just me and I was unhealthy and when not at work, very sedentary.  After much consideration I elected to have a gastric sleeve.  I wanted to do this while I could still recognize myself in the mirror! It was not a decision that is taken lightly and took about 4 to 6 months to qualify and do all the requirements needed to get to surgery day.  I chose Acadiana Weight Loss Surgery Clinic and  Dr. Eschette for my surgeon.  I made the call and spoke to Tiffany McZeal who set me on my course.  She is the bariatric patient advocate and send me all the many items I had to complete just to get to surgery.  I had to have clearances from my cardiologist and a psych consult among other things.  We have reading to do and attend a 3 hour information class to make sure that we know what we are doing.  They test you.  I reread the manual several times and still had questions that were answered prior to surgery.  Then you had to meet with the dietician  several times. Kate Roundtree is my dietitian and she is the go to person for anything nutrition related. Kate is matter of fact in her presentations and has heard it all.  You can't ask for a better individual to assist you on your journey.  Her compassion is obvious but she sets a straight course. The scales don't lie.    Brook Doucet is the office Rn , a Certified Bariatric Nurse and the program manager.  She broke me free from the hospital.  I LOVE her lol. She answers on line any questions that you have on your daily check-ins via Health Loop. Jessica Ledee is the gate keeper at the front desk.  It's important that the first face you see is smiling and friendly.  Thank you Jessica for setting the tone for each visit thus far.  Dr. Eschete is wonderful.  I  cannot say enough wonderful things about him.  He believes in me.  He said that I WILL be successful and I believe him.  

My surgery was September  28 at the Ochsner General Surgical Hospital in Lafayette.  It was a wonderful experience considering I was scared spitless.  I love nurses especially those who genuinely love their job.  These people have it in spades.  This was the first surgery in my memory that I didn't have a "visit" from my mom and I missed that.  Maybe she knew that I was in great hands.   They snowed my butt lol.  I remember nothing at all until after surgery I was retching in the bathroom.  Shout out to Compazine.  The whole first day is gone except for snatches I know that I got up and walked because they told me but I have no memory.  I was not in pain, just a soreness that I was fully aware of the next day.  My daughter was with me the whole day of surgery.  Wish I could remember more fully and Jill Forbes was with me the second day and took me home after Brook freed me.  I was on clear liquids the second day and managed to keep it all down. Tiny tiny sips is my mantra,  Shout out to all the pre op surgery nurses whose names I did not get.  Thank you to Doralis LeJeune RN, my old friend, who was in surgery with me.  I remember thinking that you wouldn't let me die.  To the post surgical nurses who waited on me like I was a princess words do not express  how grateful I am.  To Michelle and Shawntina on days and Lindsay and Lisa on nights you have my gratitude.  You picked the perfect profession and your patients are so very fortunate to have you watching over them.   The last thing I want to comment on about my hospitalization is how clean it was.  I wish I knew the names of the housekeepers who quietly went about their jobs and kept the unit spotless.  You all are the best!

It has honestly been a struggle the past few days at home getting used to the new regime but I am doing it.  Calcium is not my friend.  I am supposed to be on the chewable kind 3 times a day.  Even Zofran could not stop the retching each time I tried to chew it.  I have tried Caltrate and Tums without success.  Just looking at the bottle makes me gag.  I have back spasms off and on and not sure what that is about.  The stomach spasms have eased and I am doing better getting all my fluid and proteins down.  I am walking around my house 5 minute at a time.  I still have shortness of breath from Covid last November but that is not going to stop me.  

Dr. Eschete says they measure the success of surgery by how much loose skin that you have.  By next summer by thighs are going to be hanging around my ankles.  I see a lot of duck tape in my future.  But praise God I will be able to move, enjoy that last years of my life with my grandkids, and wear those black leather pants that have been in my closet for years.  

In closing, my success is up to me.  Despite how wonderful the clinic is they can not motivate me.  They can guide me, educate me,  keep my feet to the fire, be my personal cheerleaders but my motivation comes from within.  I can and I will be successful 

September 11, 2021. Twenty Years and It Seems Like Yesterday

 I can't believe it has been twenty years since we were attacked and 2996 people in our country were murdered.  Some schools are teaching that "men" took over airplanes and committed acts of terrorism and flew the planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  The problem with that is, while it was true it was men, it wasn't just some men it was radical Islamic terrorists. Apparently it might cause confusion and identity issues with  peaceful Muslims  in our country and we don't want our children to be confused.  The answer to that is to TEACH the difference.  But that is proving difficult in our increasingly PC minded population.  Listen up my children it was Muslim Extremists who felt by committing this horrific terrorist attack on our country they would go straight to wherever good Muslims Extremists go.   I hope they are in hell,  

20 years ago on this day we were not separated by race, religion, sex or whatever other subgroup we choose to fall into, we were Americans.  We were united by our anger, grief and the disbelief that our sons, daughters, moms, dads, sisters and brothers  were murdered by a few crazy Muslims bent on destroying our country.  I vowed on that day to never forget and each year I write a few words commemorating that day.  I watch the programs that show the timeline and I cry anew.  I cannot explain the depth of my grief or why it still lasts.  I only know that on this day my heart aches and I am again reminded of the bravery of the fire departments, police and citizens that gave their lives to help others.  For the first time I watched a documentary on the Man in the Red Bandana  and of course cried all the way through the film.  It's about Wells Crowther a volunteer fireman and equities trader  who saved at least 10 people  in the south tower before it collapsed.  He could have gotten out but he kept going back up those stairs to find more people.  I recommend this documentary to everyone.  He was a true hero.  

I just listened to a street reporter talk with 18 to 20 year old college students and ask them about 9/11. Many didn't really have an understanding about what happened and said they might have studied it in high school but that we have to get "rid of the exclusivity of the United States and list all of our bad points".  I was sick to my stomach listening to that garbage. These spoiled children who have been given so much by so many have no clue what they owe to this country.  I fear it's to late to teach them,   

We have to remember what happened that day and to guard against it however we can.  We have to educate our young about the men that did this and what evil they stood for.  We have to tell them the stories of the heroes, those who gave their lives to help someone else.  We have to teach them to be proud of our country and to proclaim our exceptionalism.  I hope it's not too late.  

As for me I go on year after year revisiting the events that happened on that day, and I cry,  I will never ever forget what they did.  God protect America.  

Video Door Bells, My New Job, and My Lazy Butt and Keeping My House Clean

 This blog was started in August 2020 and I somehow sent it to drafts.  I  have added an addendum.  

I have a video door bell.  I LOVE it and every night when I go to bed I look through the clips from the day. When I first got it I was viewing the clips and saw a strange person leaving my house.   It was a rather large-ish person, appeared to be a woman with short hair.  I played it back about 3 times when I finally recognized the purse.  I was pretty fixated on the large butt to be honest and when I realized it was me I was horrified in a rubberneck-looking-at-an-accident type of way.  I couldn't stop viewing the clips of me coming and going.  Every night those are the first clips I go to. I walk funny, I have "hangy" down things from the backs of both arms.  My voice, dear God, my VOICE is not what I imagined to the point that I try not to talk while walking in the house.  If I am gone for the day I leave with a "sort of" spring to my step and return dragging and shuffling.  Carrying out the garbage clips are good for a laugh and the one with the flying roach should be on Americas funniest videos. It is a way that I can judge my posture from day to day and view any weight loss(which hasn't happened).  It really is sort of sad watching me carrying in my groceries or the dog food that I get delivered from Pet Co. I struggle.  A lot.  I'm getting old.  I don't understand how my 29 year old self got to look like this but it happened and I have the video clips to prove it. When I fix my real hair my mirror is forgiving and I think it looks nice.  Then that thought gets sideswiped by the video door bell.  I am so glad that I  usually wear wigs.  

I started working  in a  doctor's office last week.  I love it.  I have a job with measurable outcomes and get to spend time with some really great patients. I look forward to work days.  The office is proactive in keeping their staff safe and that is a plus.  I have my own little room with a wall to wall window and a bathroom.  I really wish that I could retire but I have not been wise with my finances and pray to God that I can work at least 3 more years.  I am happy in this place so life is good.  

School is partially in session and due to return to full time next week so I still have Becky's three.  I will miss them but do not miss trying to teach them.  It causes a conflict from the  nice easy going Mimi  to the teacher Mimi that I am not sure I even like.  This last weekend I had Joshua's two and we had a cousin play day at Chico State Park outside of  Ville Platte, La. They spent the morning on the splash pad and it was a welcome relief from the heat.  Aries and Allison had taken over my room and made two different tents.  Allison's tent was pink tones and one great room.  Aries's tent had a front room, weapons room, a place for his army to stay and a place to eat.  Aries has a great imagination.  I am a very very lucky Mimi to be blessed with these five angels. 

When I am off I find it exceedingly difficult to muster up the energy necessary to clean my house.  My house is pretty big and I keep toying with the idea of selling and downsizing to something that I can put on Becky's farm.  But I am so happy when I come in my house.  It has changed so much from just 2 years ago that it is shocking and I love it.  The other plus is that I have extra rooms for guests.  I still have things that need to be done before I can even think about selling and for those improvements I have to work, I have never been much of a housekeeper.  I worked so that I could pay someone else to clean.  It is ridiculous that I cannot keep my house in order.  I got hooked on a few "reality" shows and I end up "resting" in front of the TV to catch up with other peoples lives.  I have set myself up a schedule with a "reward" system.  I have jobs listed that need to be done, a time frame to do them and finally my reward of butt-to-couch time. 

Catch up time.  I didn't realize that I had not finished this post from last August 2020.  So to catch up: Josh has been staying with me during covid and to help around the house.  This has solved the problem of the home work schedule that I started and finished in one week.  Joshua is great at cleaning.  He just doesn't do dishes. An added plus is that he is able to do the things that I was going to have to hire out like ridding my ceilings of that hateful popcorn crap that they used to spray on.    I still hate to look at myself on the video door bell but not much I can do about that! My self improvement continues.  I have another job in a hospital that I love.  The staff is fun and have put themselves out to help me get accustomed to a new field of nursing, I have a great boss and the work is consistent.  I am struggling with the physicality and it makes me realize that I am aging.  I will be having weight loss surgery if all goes well this September and that is going to help tremendously.  Now I have to work to pay for the plastic surgery that will need to be done.  Or not.  I think that I will just duck tape the excess skin up and out of the way.  In the past year Covid has run thru our family like crap through a goose.  Now we are looking at a new mutation the Delta. I am no longer home schooling the grands and that is a fabulous blessing.  They deserved better.  I am a much nicer Mimi-grandma than teacher-Mimi. I am closing now  I need a nap or to catch up with the alternate reality on TV. 

To Vax or Not To Vax - Spoiler alert: I am not an antivaxxer

 Covid 19 has had continued long reaching effects in our country.  People are still sick.  Now we are back in masks even if you have had the vaccine because of the mutations and some people do not wish to or are unable to take the vaccine.  I have promised my daughter that I will not pass on disinformation so I will not be posting links for or against.  Fact: The vaccine is not a cure, just like the flu vaccine will not prevent or cure the flu.  This illness is with us.  Fact: You can still get Covid even if vaccinated, just like the flu.  Fact: Both Covid and the flu can kill you.  Fact: The Covid delta variant is more rapid spreading  than the original.  

I had Covid 19 in November and repeatedly questioned the diagnosis with my PCP because I did not have a persistent cough, high fever,  or extreme fatigue. I was treated immediately with Hydroxychloroquine, Azithromycin, steroids ( in a reducing dose over 2 weeks) and a steroid inhaler.  I also had a cocktail of OTC medications that I still take today.  I lost my taste and smell a week into my 10 day isolation  for about 3 days.  I was very fortunate and thank my PCP for  the treatment.  About 2 weeks later I developed a post Covid sequalae in the form of a horrific rash that lasted 3 weeks  and did not respond to anything we threw at it including steroids. Miserable does not describe how I felt.    At the end of the 3 weeks it left as quickly as it appeared.  Since then I have had persistent shortness of breath which my cardiologist calls Covid Lung.  It is getting better.  In January I was curious and had my blood drawn to see if I had antibodies.  It came back with the result of "abnormally high" level of antibodies.  Huh.  I have retested periodically since then with continued results of positive antibodies although no longer abnormally high.  For personal reasons I have resisted getting a vaccine which is why I periodically test for antibodies.  Can I get Covid again? Absolutely!  But so can my friend who is vaccinated.  Can I carry the virus to someone else? Yes again for both my friend and me.  Can I die from it?  Yes again just like my vaccinated friend. To be fair there are articles to be found that say I will bite the dust sooner because I just have current natural immunity that has not been augmented by a vaccine. I believe that the jury is till out on that one and since this virus is not even 2 years old  yet and we don't have enough information.  I can site articles for both sides.  My personal feeling FOR ME is to wait till my antibodies run out and then get the J and J single shot vaccine.  However I have a dilemma: My hospital is mandating that all employees be vaccinated by a set date (to be fair as have most healthcare facilities to date... and I was expecting it) If I don't take the shot I will not be able to earn money to pay my bills thus will not be able to buy things that I like.  You don't have to take the shot, it's a free country but pretty soon if you don't have a vaccine card you are not going to be able to go out to eat, fly anywhere, go on cruises or go to shows.  And most importantly you may not be able to get a job.  

What does that sound like to you people who read the bible?  Revelation 13:17 ESV  " Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or forehead, so that no one can buy or sell unless he has the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of it's name." I am not suggesting that the Covid vaccine is in any way the mark of the beast.  When that time comes it will be so much worse.  The purpose of this blog is to show how we are being deadened to accept whatever the government  says is good for us.  Is the vaccine a good thing? I believe it is but I do not believe that we should be forced to take the vaccine because the government says we should or that we will be penalized for our free choice. If you choose to not get the vaccine then you accept the potential consequences up to and including dying.  It should be your choice.  More and more we are being propelled into accepting something that we may not want.   There are TV ads, politicians, celebrities, face book posts, memes, and twitter posts to demonize the unvaxed.  We are selfish, we hate people, we are conspiracy nuts, we are  Republicans,  and we are ignorant. The best yet was when I was asked "don't you want Covid to end?"  sure I do, but it's never  going to (thank you China) it's going to be here for a long long time mutating it's little heart out.  Today I had a conversation with a woman.  I apologized to her because I was on my phone texting about my hospital's new mandate and the time frame involved.  She said well you have had the vaccine, correct?  I think she assumed so because I am old and fat. ( Two high risk categories for Covid and a host of other things) I told her no because I still have antibodies.  "That won't do anything" was her response.. I responded that it was my choice and still under consideration to end the conversation because you can't argue with a person who has no understanding of the antibody functionality. 

The government does not need to be making decisions about my health choices.  It could be said that most of the "suggestions" that have been made by state and federal governments are for our own good.  Remember seat belts?  Buckle up for life!!  Now it's law.  Decisions like that have been made for our own good for years and we have let it go. It is the subtle changes little by little that we have gotten used to and not given it a second thought.  It's for our own good, look at all the research... for everything from seatbelts to cigarettes.  And it IS good.  There in lies the problem. We are slowly being conditioned. We are becoming so used to "government" making decisions for us that we are not questioning their right to do so.  The outcry about the vaccine is the first time in my memory that Americans are pushing back and we are being shamed for it.  They have upped the ante, now its going for our entertainment and jobs.  This is is less and less a free country and we have allowed it to happen.  

I have a CHOICE to make.  I don't know yet what it will be as I still have antibodies.  Unfortunately I soon will have to make a choice and that is such a damn shame.  

On Being 'Woke' , The Cancel Culture, and the Current State of Our Country, and Governor Cuomo

 I seem to always start a blog with an excuse of why I hadn't posted in such a long time.  My last post was September 11 as I always try to always  recognize that day as one of the worst in our country's history. We were in the midst of a Presidential election between Trump/Pence and Biden/Harris.  I knew then what the outcome would be and I just didn't have the heart to even point out the obvious issues with Biden. Everyday on TV you could see his mistakes, misquotes, lies, blunders and his hiding away in his basement.  He sat out the campaign under the specter of Covid. None of that changed how I knew that Biden would win because the liberal machine would do what ever it took to make it happen. They did just that,  Biden is a racist, Kamala said so repeatedly on the debate stage.  It was magic the way that he lost his racism as soon as he picked Kamala as his running mate. She is a heartbeat or a gaffe away from being president, and she is counting the days.  The only thing that makes her possible rise to POTUS somewhat palatable  is that Hillary will have a stroke.  I will be surprised if he makes it a year. He cannot answer off the cuff questions from the press and in fact has yet to hold a news conference.  When he does his questions will be vetted by his handlers.   He has already figuratively opened the southern border.  People by the thousands are coming to the border and we are stuck.  Trump had successfully controlled the problem and the Fence was going to really help and then Biden came.  I love the way a lot of the illegals are wearing Biden tee-shirts.  Remember when Trump was accused of putting kids in cages(that incidentally Obama built) the outrage was horrific.  Well Biden is using the same places to house illegals.  The left is quiet on the matter even when the press is denied access.   In the month of February the border agents have detained over 100,000 illegals.  When interviewed they say they are coming for health care, and jobs.  That's great.  Who is going to pay for those items including food, housing and education?  The democrats' are looking at these illegals as future voters.   Biden is  allegedly a moderate democrat.  We shall see if he can hold that title while battling with the progressive/socialist members of his party.  

Governor Cuomo is under a lot of stress as of late.  Last year he implemented the single most successful purging of the elderly since the holocaust.  His directive to send Covid positive patients back to elderly nursing homes was a travesty. He then wrote a book about how successful his plan was.  The problem was he  lied about the number of deaths and was outed by one of his top aids.  To add insult to injury the murderous decision he made is being over shadowed by multiple complaints of sexual misconduct.  The number of women of women complaining are up to 8 currently.  Other than the Democrats in his state the left has been mostly silent.  This is the same 'left' that excoriated Brett Kavanaugh during his hearings for the Supreme Court over the unsubstantiated accusations from a single woman about a college party that no one remembers. Just this last week Biden said that it needs to be investigated and that Cuomo should resign if allegations are true.  Pelosi was notably quiet until the second woman came forward and even then what she said was very measured. As of this writing Kamala Harris has not said anything.  You will recall how outspoken she was at the Kavanaugh hearing.  Hypocrites.  What I see is the death of the thousands of elderly due to his mandate  that  is being overshadowed  by  his sexual assault accusations.  The fact that he is a sexual predator is secondary to those who lost loved ones.   

A year ago, truthfully as little as two months ago, I thought being 'woke' was what happened when my feet hit the floor and I had to pee. I have now have to say I probably am still asleep.  I am concerned, sensitive, and aware  of others' feelings and will go out of my way not to purposefully hurt someone.  It happens though and when I do I sincerely apologize. That's what adults do. Now an offending person stands a chance of being "canceled".  This dovetails into my feelings of our  current Cancel culture. To be canceled is to  stop giving support to a person, or a place.  It is rampant as of late.  I was reminded by a relative about the Dixie Chicks.  For those who don't remember they were a female vocal group who sang country music.  On a stage in London 2003   they came out against President Bush and said they were embarrassed by him, the crowd loved it. Their base not so much.  Keep in mind that their base was comprised of  mostly conservative, pro American men and woman who love country music and this happened 2 years after 9/11.  Their comment was met with record burnings, concert cancelling and the like.  They were allowed to voice their opinion  but were stupid by not realizing they were pissing on the source of their paycheck.  To make matters worse they refused to apologize.  Good for them and they are just now starting to make a comeback. The fact is that the cancel culture is the new McCarthyism of the woke generation and according to Henry Olsen in an opinion piece in the Washington Post it is a mob composed  of  the intellectually intolerant. Something you said or did  as a child can come back and ruin you as an adult.  Case in point the canceled Teen Vogue newly hired editor, Alexi McCammond.  She apparently made some insensitive comments in a tweets about Asians when she was 17.  She admitted her fault and deeply apologized.  She, in fact in the job interview, let them know about the deleted tweets but despite her "remarkable work  in journalism elevating the voices of marginalized communities" she was forced to resign.  Some of her coworkers felt uncomfortable.  Awwwwww poor unforgiving snowflakes.  Apparently sincere apologies are not  accepted.  Take note Gov. Cuomo even though your apologies did not sound sincere.  We have a right to our own opinions and should not be afraid to share them for fear of being ruined.  We cannot cancel our history by removing statues, or canceling books and movies that were written at the time when those beliefs, names and traditions were accepted.  We should and have learned greatly from those times and from our mistakes in the past.  If what we are hearing the loudest from a few in society,  please let me stay asleep.