There Are Always Two Sides to Any Situation: An ongoing letter to my son's children

 In any family there can be problems that may escalate to nearly insurmountable issues.  I am writing this in hopes that in later years, your dad or Aunt Becky will show this to you for you to understand that there is another side to the situation that you found yourself in the middle.  First of all, I want you to know that you are loved dearly by your dad.  I can only speak of his feelings because I have such limited contact with your mom.  He repeatedly tells me that you are the very best things in his life.  He is so very proud of your uniqueness and your spirit.  He was unorthodox in his parenting.  He refused to make you sit down and "clean your plates" at dinner.  He insisted you eat nutritious meals, but the time was up in the air.  He gave you permission to eat at whatever time you wanted, and it worked.  He didn't have "talks" situated around mealtimes but had one on one time where he would find out how your life was going.  I heard you tell your dad that you were glad that we didn't ask you questions about what was going on at mommy's house because you got tired of answering questions over there.  Quite frankly neither of us cared what went on with your mommy.  That was your other life.  The few days that we had you was for us.  Neither your father or I wanted what was 'Over there" to intrude on our few days.  The problem started after your dad sought counseling for recurrent nightmares that were similar and horrifying to him.  He had been hospitalized in a psych hospital for 3 days when his doctor became concerned that he was suicidal.  He was discharged with diagnosis of anxiety and depression and then went to New Orleans to help a friend's grandmother out.  It was there that he found a councilor (a random pick) and went to her to find out if his nightmares were real or imagination.  She ended up hypnotizing him and he found that the nightmares were real.  He had buried the memories, and they had started to resurface.   She asked him if anyone had every told him he might be dissociative.  What that means is that a person who has had significant emotional or physical/sexual trauma   may not be able to deal with their feelings, so they close those painful memories off or assign them to a part of their mind that only deals with that trauma.  It is sort of like a new person is inside the original person, but that person only deals with certain aspects that the original person has trouble dealing with. We call these different personalities. They are unique in that they handle only certain aspects of the whole.  Sometimes the original person is not aware of the other personalities or alters.  You dad, after he was told that that may be an issue for him felt the "rightness" of that to his soul and he set about reading all that he could and dealing with the issue.  He also was in counseling.   He decided to share his experience on Facebook and put it all out there.  That was at the beginning of summer.  We had you for the summer except for two weeks: the first week in June you went with your mom to the beach and then in July, just before we took you to Iowa for the family reunion. When you left to go with your mom the last of July, she did not bring you back and served your dad with papers called a restraining order because of mean texts that he sent her months before.    She also listed her concerns about his mental health based on his Facebook posts the beginning of summer.  We believe that she waited till the end of summer because she didn't have anyone to watch you.  Our attorney feels the same.  It is called very suspect timing.  The mean text was concerning Aries and his asthma.  Your dad woke up to Aries wheezing.  We have all noted Aries wheezing including Aunt Becky.  It's not just at our house, its everywhere.  When I pick him up at school he has a slight audible expiratory wheeze.  He has told me that he wheezes at mommy's house too.  He shared with me a year or so ago that Mommy made him drink vinegar to "clear his breathing" and if he didn't drink it he could not visit his daddy.  Allison you confirmed this to me as well.  For years your dad has tried to get your mom to get Aries tested so that he could get a rescue inhaler.  The mean text was a culmination of a long history of resistance from your mom.  After you were taken away from your dad that summer we had to wait till October to see you again.   The judge ruled against the restraining order and made it a no contact order.  you were allowed to visit every other weekend as long as I was there.  I was like the guardian.   Your dad and mom had to communicate thru an online app called the family app.  I was not mandated to be on that because I had never sent your mom or Granby a mean text EVER. 

June 15, 2025

I am pausing my narrative because today is Father's Day.  We went to church this morning and came home awaiting a call.  We both prayed that you would be able to call.  It's 4:30 and he has reached out to you without success.  I am not sure who I am upset with.  My choice is you guys or your mom.  Your mom has blocked all phone access from me and your dad so there is that, but I also know how if you want something bad enough you can pester the paint off the walls.  I want you to know that your dad is devastated that he cannot be with you.  I made him his book with the last year of pictures, and he cannot open it up.  " I just can't" but it's waiting on him when he is not hurting so badly.  I do want you to remember that each Mother's Day that we had you, your dad made arrangements for you to see and spend time with your mom.  We lost precious hours but he felt that it was important for you and her.  That's the difference between the two of them.  She might tell you that you and your dad can't visit unless it is in a monitored area but that didn't prevent her from dropping you off to get your stuff last week.  We hugged you for the last time till who knows when.  I am praying that you will call.  In all honesty your dad demonstrates more compassion than your mom... but then understand I likely am biased.  God is good.  You just called him.  It was on speaker phone but he will take what he can.  I am so glad you reached out it made his day.  

 It has been three years of just seeing you on every other weekend.  Little by little your dad's time has been taken away.  The courts are not friendly to dads.  During this journey we have heard that over and over.  Your mom, dad and you all had to see a "feelings" doctor for evaluation.  The little that I heard while he was interviewing your dad left me "cold" The doctor kept asking questions quickly and seemingly not giving your dad time to answer and then making judgement statements. Then they put a sound machine on so that we couldn't here anymore.   Your dad doesn't do well in situations like that and was prepared for something different.  He finished his session came out in tears, hugged me and told me he was so sorry " I couldn't explain myself I just couldn't" His evaluation was lengthy and had conditions that he felt Josh needed to meet to show progress.  He had met all of them.  He has been in counseling and is compliant on medication, he is in school and works as a student teacher (as part of his scholarship), his home is with me (which helps me out), he pays child support and caught up on the back owed. 

He went to a court hearing before Easter and the hearing officer was highly offended that he communicated with Aries with an angry voice and used the word "fuck" or a derivative.  We both were very angry at you Aries because you had used a credit card in my name and charged 125.00. We know it was not intentional on your part and that you thought they would refund the money if you didn't want the app.   That was our food budget for the weekend that you all were coming. You needed to know that actions have ramifications.  We had no "snacks" for the weekend and could not plan an outing.  Yes Aries, we were BOTH fucking angry BUT we both still love you to the moon and back.  I heard your dad tell you that that he was pissed but still loved you. You cried.  That was appropriate because you screwed up.  But you are still loved.  By the way both of you.... you may not use the "F" word.... I don't think the court realizes that is part of your vocabulary.

I was your guardian while you were at my house.  According to the court you could not be in the same place with your dad without me there.  It usually went that way but several times you were alone with him.  One of you was sick and we took you to the walk in clinic and due to the Covid hysteria only one person could be in the waiting room with the patient.  Two of us sat in the car while your dad took you inside.  I sat in the car for the father daughter dance at your school Allison.  Aries was at the neighbors.  There were times that your dad notified your mom that he was taking one of you to the store or out to eat.  We thought that was ok.  She thanked him for letting her know.  Now we realized that all those times were used against him.  You expressed true anger that you could not go alone to places with him and we explained that it was a court thing.  

I don't know if you remember but several years ago when you were spending more time with us you both came to me at different times and asked me the exact same question.  "Do you hate mommy and Gramby?"  That is what I call a trick and loaded question.  I answered the same to both of you exactly "no I do not" you both said, "well they hate you and daddy".  I told them both that I couldn't control what mommy and Gramby think and feel that I could only control what I felt.  I said, "how could I hate people who love you so much", The fact that they asked the same question with similar comebacks was very coincidental and I have often thought if you were put up to asking that question.  I will likely never know.  

August 3, 2025

Dear sweet Allison it was your birthday the other day.  We wanted to talk to you.  Your dad sent a message thru the special app asking for you to call.  He was told that you were off to camp.  Hopefully your mom will allow you to call when you get back.   I honestly don't hold a lot of hope for that. That being said I hope your day was filled with incredible fun.  You deserve all wonderful things.   Your dad said the saddest thing the other day.  He said that he feels like he doesn't have kids anymore.  It made me teary eyed.  He still hasn't looked at his Father's Day book yet.  He just said that It will cause him so much pain.  On Friday we went to a play at Opelousas Little theater.  Two kids from our church we in the play "Junie B Jones The Musical".  The kids were thrilled that we came.  They are 13 and 11.  Same age as you all.  They call me Mimi which makes me smile.  I think that the attention they give your dad may be helping him some.  The boy sat next to your dad at church and has been asking advice on artistic things and speaking.  They are having a day of prayer in September, and your dad has been asked to dance at the program.  He has been asked before but turned them down.  This time Ms. Allison cornered him, and he said he would.  I love our church.  I make the communion bread for the first Sunday of each month. I have a Hebrew recipe that I use called Matzah bread.  This was likely a similar type of bread that Jesus broke at the Last Supper.    Communion Sunday is becoming my favorite day.  You can truly feel the spirit of God moving thru the church.  I pray for both of you and your mom each day.     

Aunt Becky and her family went to San Antonio this last weekend and stayed at the resort that they use.  They went to Schlitterbahn Swim Park.  On Saturday they went to Pokécon 2025.  Winston got a platinum badge and got a special entrance to meet all the different youtubers and was able to ask questions and actively participate.  I know that Aries might have liked that.  

Our church is going on a Cruise in January.  It is for Pastor's birthday.  They asked us to come with them.  We have committed to the trip.  I am pretty excited.  I haven't been on a vacation since I went with Aunt Becky to Montana two years ago.  I just have to figure out what to do with the dogs.  

I am closing for now.  I will write again.  I miss you all so much.  The cousins said to tell you they miss you.  Your dad misses you more that anyone.  We do talk about you but it just hurts a lot.  I will continue to pray for you all.  

Nursing 50 Years and Counting

 It boggles my mind that I have been in nursing for the last 50 years.  I took a 4-month break during Covid to teach and take care of my grandchildren.  Those 4 months proved to me that my choice of professions was indeed a wise one.  I am not a teacher.  Patton said it best at the end of my "teaching" time I don't want teacher Mimi anymore, I want the grandma Mimi back.   

In my career I have managed to be at the right place at the right time.  I was supposed to be a labor and delivery nurse.  I scored the highest on my state boards in that section as I recall.  They did not have a night position in L and D but did in the ICU/CCU department.  I went there and in looking back I took care of patients for a week that now we would send home with a stent or two the same day. Their life expectancy much greater.  I scored sufficiently high enough on my boards that I had reciprocity in all the states so when I fell in love I was able to move to Pensacola.  I married my flight surgeon boyfriend, and my marriage lasted long enough to produce my son Joshua.  When I first moved, I was placed on a med-surg floor at Baptist Hospital.  I was HORRIBLE.  I am not a med-surg nurse, so they moved me into the SICU.  I really learned so much during that time and stayed until my son was born.  I was facing the end of my marriage, was depressed and needed a change.  Baptist was starting a Life Flight program which at the time was the third one in the nation behind Denver and Houston.  I was still in the hospital (they kept us several days post-delivery) when I went down to interview with Georgia Satterfield.  I don't remember much about it but remember having to sign something to release the hospital from liability if my uterus fell out on the helipad.  They wanted to start us up right away.  My mom came down to take care of Joshua until I could find a qualified sitter.  I had my son on good Friday and went to work a week from the following Monday.  I had no sick time and if I didn't work, we didn't eat.  We learned to intubate, put in chest tubes, do a cricothyroidotomy using a device that looked like a giant fishhook (its name completely escapes me) We ran the inhouse code blues and could put a central line it without much difficulty.  We had monthly advanced skills check list that had to be checked off or we didn't fly.  We were told our nurses were part of the first 27 to 30 nonmilitary flight nurses in the country.  I had so many experiences during my flight nurse time that I could probably write a book.  I met Bob Hope and have the picture to prove it.  I took extra time off to work as one of the nurses for Universal Studios during the filming of Jaws 2.  The pay was incredible, and I was able to keep Joshua with me.  They paid for a sitter at the hotel where I was set up to treat injuries.  The only time he was not with me was when I had to go out on the barge for the water scenes.  I met David Brown(producer and husband of Helen Gurley Brown, the editor in chief of Cosmo magazine) who offered me a full-time job out in California.  I still am not sure why I turned it down but did not feel like I wanted my son raised in that environment.  

Flying was losing its luster and after a time I became fearful.  It was just Joshua and me.  I hated leaving him each day and I felt that each time I went up or took a fixed wing transport somewhere that my odds became less and less for my safety.  I met and married Stan in 1980 and he moved me to Tulsa, Oklahoma.  I worked at Hillcrest Hospital in the Emergency Department, and it was an eye opener.  I cannot express how much I learned during that time.  I worked with an incredible group of doctors and nurses.... some I am still friends with to this day.   I got pregnant in Tulsa with my daughter.   Stan took a job in College Station, Texas and Rebekah was born at St. Joseph's Hospital where I was working, again back in the ICU.  After she was born, I moved down the street to the Humana Hospital and took over their ED.  I loved my time with Humana and lectured about Child abuse and molestation. I was led into that interest in Tulsa and was allowed to develop that interest by Humana.  Stan had another job change and moved us to Carencro, Louisiana.  I stayed in the emergency genre and would pick up parttime/prn jobs in areas that interested me like physical rehab and psych. For a short time I worked in Geri-psych full time instead of the ED. My final ER employment was in Breaux Bridge, Louisiana where I spent 23 years in a small community hospital.  My time there was cut short by covid.  My 
 abysmal ability to manage money proved to me that I still needed to work.  So, in September 2020 I started interviewing figuring that no one in their right mind would hire a fat, geriatric nurse who fell down at least once a week.  I was surprised at the number of places that seemed interested.  My problem was I would finish my interview then go to my car and cry my eyes out.  My last interview was at the Heart hospital.   I didn't cry but I was scared to death.  This was a completely new area for me.  Maranda my new manager promised that they would help me.  I was a basket case each day.  I never felt so inadequate in my whole career.  I was in a constant state of dumb ass for months but   they never, ever gave up on me.  I am in the CV short stay unit, and we have our day cases and those that we prepare for surgery.  I work with incredible nurses and truthfully manage up my whole hospital without reservation.  They put up with my quirky sense of humor and sarcasm, my constant questions (to this day) my long learning curve and have been able to mostly get the longstanding ER attitude out of my daily patient contacts.  There will come a time when Maranda will have the difficult job to tell me that my time is up and that I need to retire.  I joke about it but know that time will be here sooner than later.  My honest goal is 80.  I love my job, my patients and my hospital.  I am praying that God will allow me that much more time.  Staying home holds no interest to me.  All I have ever been is a nurse. It's what I love.   As it is now, I can close my eyes, and I am awash in memories.  I remember India T.  in Pensacola on the med/surg floor. She was young and beautiful, dying of cancer in a time when ovarian cancer was a no hope diagnosis. I held her hand and watched her die.  I can still see the trauma patient in the SICU that had a lacerated liver.  She lived for 3 months in my unit. It was a different time and what seems now like the medical dark ages.  Her parents sent me a Christmas card each year till I moved, thanking me for loving their daughter.  I can still see the mother of a young boy, hit by a car that we picked up on the helicopter.  He was truthfully dead, and we were suctioning up what looked like lung tissue. His mother grabbed me by the shoulders and said YOU SAVE HIM he is my baby.  We flew him in and I unloaded hot.  The ER doctor looked at me like I was nuts when I screamed at him that we had to try that I had promised his mom.  To his credit and because I was hysterical, he ran a 30-minute code.  We moved his little body to a back room, and I escorted his mom to his bedside.  I was openly weeping.  and watched as she stroked his head and looked at me and asked What should I get a boy who is going to be 10? I have what seems like dozens of memories.  Most will not be shared unless I have wine, and no one is recording what is being said.  I am happy with the nurse that I have become in my twilight years.  I am happy that I still have time to show compassion to those who are afraid.  I am grateful that I have the ability to make my patients laugh and ease their visit. I am grateful that the staff that I work with now will likely be my final group of nurses.  I cannot imagine working with a better group of people who place patient comfort and care as their top priority.  These wonderful nurses had a party for me to celebrate my 50 years.  I ugly cried for a few minutes.  I am glad that nursing found me.  I am glad that I have met people that changed me for the better.  I am grateful for all my experiences of which only a partial accounting is in this blog.  I believe that I serve God in what I do, and I am grateful.