In any family there can be problems that may escalate to nearly insurmountable issues. I am writing this in hopes that in later years, your dad or Aunt Becky will show this to you for you to understand that there is another side to the situation that you found yourself in the middle. First of all, I want you to know that you are loved dearly by your dad. I can only speak of his feelings because I have such limited contact with your mom. He repeatedly tells me that you are the very best things in his life. He is so very proud of your uniqueness and your spirit. He was unorthodox in his parenting. He refused to make you sit down and "clean your plates" at dinner. He insisted you eat nutritious meals, but the time was up in the air. He gave you permission to eat at whatever time you wanted, and it worked. He didn't have "talks" situated around mealtimes but had one on one time where he would find out how your life was going. I heard you tell your dad that you were glad that we didn't ask you questions about what was going on at mommy's house because you got tired of answering questions over there. Quite frankly neither of us cared what went on with your mommy. That was your other life. The few days that we had you was for us. Neither your father or I wanted what was 'Over there" to intrude on our few days. The problem started after your dad sought counseling for recurrent nightmares that were similar and horrifying to him. He had been hospitalized in a psych hospital for 3 days when his doctor became concerned that he was suicidal. He was discharged with diagnosis of anxiety and depression and then went to New Orleans to help a friend's grandmother out. It was there that he found a councilor (a random pick) and went to her to find out if his nightmares were real or imagination. She ended up hypnotizing him and he found that the nightmares were real. He had buried the memories, and they had started to resurface. She asked him if anyone had every told him he might be dissociative. What that means is that a person who has had significant emotional or physical/sexual trauma may not be able to deal with their feelings, so they close those painful memories off or assign them to a part of their mind that only deals with that trauma. It is sort of like a new person is inside the original person, but that person only deals with certain aspects that the original person has trouble dealing with. We call these different personalities. They are unique in that they handle only certain aspects of the whole. Sometimes the original person is not aware of the other personalities or alters. You dad, after he was told that that may be an issue for him felt the "rightness" of that to his soul and he set about reading all that he could and dealing with the issue. He also was in counseling. He decided to share his experience on Facebook and put it all out there. That was at the beginning of summer. We had you for the summer except for two weeks: the first week in June you went with your om to the beach and then in July, just before we took you to Iowa for the family reunion. When you left to go with your mom the last of July, she did not bring you back and served your dad with papers called a restraining order because of mean texts that he sent her months before. She also listed her concerns about his mental health based on his Facebook posts the beginning of summer. We believe that she waited till the end of summer because she didn't have anyone to watch you. Our attorney feels the same. It is called very suspect timing. The mean text was concerning Aries and his asthma. Your dad woke up to Aries wheezing. We have all noted Aries wheezing including Aunt Becky. It's not just at our house, its everywhere. When I pick him up at school he has a slight audible expiratory wheeze. He has told me that he wheezes at mommy's house too. He shared with me a year or so ago that Mommy made him drink vinegar to "clear his breathing" and if he didn't drink it he could not visit his daddy. Allison you confirmed this to me as well. For years your dad has tried to get your mom to get Aries tested so that he could get a rescue inhaler. The mean text was a culmination of a long history of resistance from your mom. After you were taken away from your dad that summer we had to wait till October to see you again. The judge ruled against the restraining order and made it a no contact order. you were allowed to visit every other weekend as long as I was there. I was like the guardian. Your dad and mom had to communicate thru an online app called the family app. I was not mandated to be on that because I had never sent your mom or Granby a mean text EVER.
June 15, 2025
I am pausing my narrative because today is Father's Day. We went to church this morning and came home awaiting a call. We both prayed that you would be able to call. It's 4:30 and he has reached out to you without success. I am not sure who I am upset with. My choice is you guys or your mom. Your mom has blocked all phone access from me and your dad so there is that, but I also know how if you want something bad enough you can pester the paint off the walls. I want you to know that your dad is devastated that he cannot be with you. I made him his book with the last year of pictures, and he cannot open it up. " I just can't" but it's waiting on him when he is not hurting so badly. I do want you to remember that each Mother's Day that we had you, your dad made arrangements for you to see and spend time with your mom. We lost precious hours but he felt that it was important for you and her. That's the difference between the two of them. She might tell you that you and your dad can't visit unless it is in a monitored area but that didn't prevent her from dropping you off to get your stuff last week. We hugged you for the last time till who knows when. I am praying that you will call. In all honesty your dad demonstrates more compassion than your mom... but then understand I likely am biased. God is good. You just called him. It was on speaker phone but he will take what he can. I am so glad you reached out it made his day.
It has been three years of just seeing you on every other weekend. Little by little your dad's time has been taken away. The courts are not friendly to dads. During this journey we have heard that over and over. Your mom, dad and you all had to see a "feelings" doctor for evaluation. The little that I heard while he was interviewing your dad left me "cold" The doctor kept asking questions quickly and seemingly not giving your dad time to answer and then making judgement statements. Then they put a sound machine on so that we couldn't here anymore. Your dad doesn't do well in situations like that and was prepared for something different. He finished his session came out in tears, hugged me and told me he was so sorry " I couldn't explain myself I just couldn't" His evaluation was lengthy and had conditions that he felt Josh needed to meet to show progress. He had met all of them. He has been in counseling and is compliant on medication, he is in school and works as a student teacher (as part of his scholarship), his home is with me (which helps me out), he pays child support and caught up on the back owed.
He went to a court hearing before Easter and the hearing officer was highly offended that he communicated with Aries with an angry voice and used the word "fuck" or a derivative. We both were very angry at you Aries because you had used a credit card in my name and charged 125.00. We know it was not intentional on your part and that you thought they would refund the money if you didn't want the app. That was our food budget for the weekend that you all were coming. You needed to know that actions have ramifications. We had no "snacks" for the weekend and could not plan an outing. Yes Aries, we were BOTH fucking angry BUT we both still love you to the moon and back. I heard your dad tell you that that he was pissed but still loved you. You cried. That was appropriate because you screwed up. But you are still loved. By the way both of you.... you may not use the "F" word.... I don't think the court realizes that is part of your vocabulary.
I was your guardian while you were at my house. According to the court you could not be in the same place with your dad without me there. It usually went that way but several times you were alone with him. One of you was sick and we took you to the walk in clinic and due to the Covid hysteria only one person could be in the waiting room with the patient. Two of us sat in the car while your dad took you inside. I sat in the car for the father daughter dance at your school Allison. Aries was at the neighbors. There were times that your dad notified your mom that he was taking one of you to the store or out to eat. We thought that was ok. She thanked him for letting her know. Now we realized that all those times were used against him. You expressed true anger that you could not go alone to places with him and we explained that it was a court thing.
I don't know if you remember but several years ago when you were spending more time with us you both came to me at different times and asked me the exact same question. "Do you hate mommy and gramby?" That is what I call a trick and loaded question. I answered the same to both of you exactly "no I do not" you both said, "well they hate you and daddy". I told them both that I couldn't control what mommy and Gramby think and feel that I could only control what I felt. I said, "how could I hate people who love you so much", The fact that they asked the same question with similar comebacks was very coincidental and I have often thought if you were put up to asking that question. I will likely never know.
The earliest memory I have of your Gramby was before your mom and dad got married. They were living over by the hospital that I worked at in Breaux Bridge. They were living with Marcie. Josh was outside when I passed and I stopped. He told me that your mom was 'hysterical". Apparently your Gramby had organized a short cruise for the females in the family. Your papa's mom (your great grandmother) was dying of cancer and the females in the family took her on a cruise. Your mom didn't have the money for a ticket and Gramby wouldn't pay for the ticket. I immediately offered the 400$ to get her a ticket but Josh said it was too late. So your mom didn't get to go. I was always sad about that. Sad for your mom and very angry at your Gramby and papa for not helping her to go. I believe that your great grandmother died not long after.
July 4, 2025
It was sad today we really wished you could have been with us to set off fireworks. I went to the pool with the cousins and Aunt Becky. I spent the day and fear that I have really burned myself. When I got home, I made deviled eggs, potato salad and your dad marinated steaks for us to eat. We grilled out on the grill that Allison put together. I have gotten random calls from different friends' moms (both Allison and Aries) wanting to know if you are back with us yet. I'm not sure how they know unless you both have said something to those friends. The support has been lovely. Miss you both greatly.
July 16, 2025
I have made a decision that I am going to post this blog and then reopen it when I want to repost. So that you can understand what is happening with your dad and me AND the cousins. I get told each time I see them to please tell you that they love and miss you. I have been taking care of the cousins more frequently and I love it. They all contact me via phone with messages that touch my heart. They know how much their Uncle Josh and Mimi miss you. I found a place that is well within reason to conduct visitation. Other places I checked were too expensive. I guess you will find out when you get to see your dad later if this place is a viable option.
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