Saturday, February 26, 2011

My Day In Court as Described by My Bad Angel

I had to go to court the other day and no I was not in trouble. One of the other nurses and I had come prepared to testify in a case that we were involved in. I had just gotten off work and was in scrubs and my hair was a mess. I have a habit of running my fingers thru my hair when I am charting. I honestly don't care what my hair looks like at work. I am there to work, not to cause jealousy among other staff at my beautiful locks. Besides, in a previous blog "Bad Hair Day" I noted that every time I do my hair and it looks good it seems to attract nasty body fluids. I have digressed...sorry. Anyway Jamie and I were waiting for the doors to open up and we were entertained by the mode of dress that the general population deems appropriate for court day. I had my phone but my good angel let me know that it might be in poor taste and possibly illegal to take pictures of people and post it without their permission and besides you can't bring a phone into court. My bad angel however is writing this blog. There is a dress code in court. No sleeveless shirts, no underwear showing, no body parts(belly buttons, breasts, butts) are allowed to be displayed. You are not allowed to bring phones or purses or for that matter weapons past the front gate. The following suggestions are for those individuals that will be appearing in court in the future:
1) If you like blond hair, make it natural and cover the 4 inch black roots. Washing it would be appropriate as well. Combing, I guess can be optional as that tousled look is somewhat in fashion.
2) Bathing might be something you might want to do at least within a week of your court day. Deodorant is important as well because of the close quarters. Let me add that brushing teeth should be mandatory or don't smile.
3)If you weigh more than a tractor DO NOT wear stretch pants. I had nightmares after seeing my share of visible butt cracks thru skin tight pants. Shirts should fit and not like a glove. If you have to keep tugging it down over your butt it's too tight. You should also avoid wearing patterns that undulate over the bulges.. its almost hypnotic and not in a good way. If you have tattoos on your arms bless your little heart, cover them up. The rule is NO SLEEVELESS SHIRTS. Covering up your fashion mistake with a cammo jacket so that you could keep your court date defies words. The contrasting patterns nearly gave me a seizure.
4)Men, unless you are Brad Pitt, shave. That 5 o'clock shadow you are sporting is not exactly presenting your best face forward. Stop the spitting on the sidewalk. If you chew, go across the street and spit behind a tree. Oh and wipe your chin.
5) It probably isn't a good idea to come to court smelling like a bar and sporting bloodshot eyes...just saying.
6) Fingernails: if you have to money to get those 1 inch iridescent blue sparkly nails on your hands you can afford to get your roots done.

I have gained a new respect for the court system. Justice is indeed blind, she can't smell either. A shout out to all the judges, ADAs. clerks and court reporters, you guys have seen it all and still come back every day to see that everyone has their chance in court. To the defending attorneys... you should be held liable for not mandating that your clients and family members dress appropriately to go before 'his or her Honor". Every law enforcement representative was "spit polished" and looked so professional.

I truly am in awe of what people think is appropriate. My hair, straight as it was, ceased to concern me after what I saw.


Carrie White said...

Had to read this one to Ben -- we both were dying laughing! The stretch pants paragraph was especially wonderful (and sad at the same time).

Anonymous said...


All that you have described is accurate as I see this all too often as well. However, wonderful as your description is, I have to add one small point: plaintiffs, defendants - please leave your damn bed bugs at home, in the bed, where they belong. And, if an entire floor of the court house has to be aired and disinfected after your appearance, I have to wonder if you have ever taken a bath or laundered your clothing.