Before and After. My Journey

 
I cannot believe it has been a WHOLE year since I started this journey.  I have had ups and downs but to be fair it has mostly been up. 

I started this journey because I simply could not breathe when walking.  It was so bad that as I was walking into work, I had to stop several times to bend over and catch my breath. Walking up and down from room to room was exhausting and even patients would mention that they were concerned and that embarrassed me to no end. Medicare denied me when I first applied until I mentioned it to my orthopedic doctor, Scott Yerger.  He wrote me a letter and I was accepted.  There are foods I cannot eat comfortably like raw cauliflower and broccoli which I love.  I can eat rice but only small amounts because it seems to sit on my stomach and makes my gut swell.  I have developed an intolerance to  milk but am not bothered by butter.  I do not like overly sweet things because it makes me nauseated.  I have learned to drink carbonated drinks but don't really like them EXCEPT tonic water that I use to make my Gin and tonics.  I don't drink a lot, but I do like my G and T's.   I am an abject failure as far as the exercise aspect of my journey.  I joined the gym and went twice, and I will not renew.  I have enough equipment at my house to use to tone up I just need to get the discipline to work out. My grandchildren were concerned that I might lose my "squishies" when I lost weight.  They are happy to know that the squishies are still there they just hang lower.  I will not have plastic surgery to correct the under-arm dingle-danglies, nor will I invest the money in having my thighs taken in.  My goal was to improve the quality of my life and I am doing that.  I am 15 to 20 lbs from my goal and I will do it.  I have also discovered something else.  I no longer care that I have arm flab.  If you don't like it then don't look.  If my legs jiggle in a bathing suit, so what? I have lost nearly 80 lbs which is 320 sticks of butter.  I have gone from a 3x scrubs to a large, 22-24 in regular clothes to a 16 and will probably end up in a 14 when I hit my goal.  I have gone from a 22-24 in Lane Bryant underwear to a 9 in Walmart drawers.  I can cross my legs, wipe my butt, and thankfully eliminated the occasional odor that excess fat rolls cause.   I cannot squat but that's an ortho issue. I have continued otho problems that I am taking steps to correct.  I walk like a duck according to my daughter and it's true.  I lean forward walking because of a hip issue.  I am seeing Dr. Yerger tomorrow and find out about dealing with a bone spur in my left hip that I should have had corrected 3 years ago.  The problem is that it will involve a large needle and I get sick to my stomach thinking about it.  After that will go back into physical therapy to correct my balance.  

I will gladly admit to vanity when it comes to my face and have gone to Nouveau Visage for lifts, fillers and all around tightening up.  I will continue that as it makes me feel better. 

I cannot say enough wonderful things about Dr. Eschette and his staff.  at Acadiana Weight Loss Surgery.  Dr. Eschette and his NP Brook are a constant source of encouragement.  Dr. Eschette told me on my first visit that he knew I could do this.  Kate, the diet guru, has such a professional demeanor that is tempered with a genuine caring. I looked forward to seeing her.  I didn't hedge the truth with her because it would not have helped my journey.  She offered so many good suggestions that I have committed to memory.  Thank you so much Kate for everything.  Nicole was the exercise and measurement person.  I laughed with her each time I went in to get measured.  I feel like I failed her because I just did not exercise.  I walk about 8000 steps a day at work and did not have the energy to go to the gym.  I was honest though and she just continued to provide encouragement.  I have cleared off my exercise equipment and now  I have the desire to show her that I CAN do it.  When I hit my goal I am going back to see them all  They have given me my life back.  I always felt that they were invested in my success.  They have a new receptionist.  Kathleen is a hoot.  I told her that I felt they, as a group, selected the farthest  office from the front of the building on purpose.  As  a short of breath, old, and fat person it is a an unbelievable distance to get to their place.  On my first visit I had to stop and bend over to breath about 5 times before I got there.  Kathleen laughed and agreed with me.  She is the first person you see when you go in and she is the one who sets the tone for your visit.  Kathleen you are awesome and need a raise!

This has taken me a few days to finish and I saw Dr. Yerger yesterday.  He was beyond pleased about the new me.   The good news is I don't need to have a humongous needle inserted into my hip.  The bad news is I need a new hip. I am actually looking forward to getting rid of the pain.  I set the appointment for surgery to mid January for several reasons. My work schedule is the main reason and I will tie my recovery time into my vacation with Becky and her family the last week of February.   Another big reason   is to start exercising now to increase my strength, stamina,  and to build muscles.  I "sailed" through my left hip surgery but I was about 5 years younger. Becky will tell you I was also a whiney baby, which is true.    I am now thinner and older so I need every advantage on my side.  I asked Dr. Yerger if I could stay on the rehab unit for a week after surgery and, get this, MY BMI IS TOO SMALL to meet the criteria for inpatient rehab.  He will schedule home PT visits for me until I can drive.  

I am so happy I chose to have the gastric sleeve.  The first week was a killer but as I progressed I was glad that I was able to do this for myself.  It is all about my quality of life.  It is nice to be able to wear smaller clothes and be able to walk into work without the horrible shortness of breath.  I truly wish I had done this years ago and cannot encourage others enough to think about this procedure for morbid obesity.  Each of us are granted this life but it's up to us to make it the best life possible. 

GUS

 I came home without Gus today.  My heart is broken.  I sat there at the Lafayette Veterinary Care Center waiting for the final diagnosis wondering if I did the best thing by adopting my goofy big boy. 

He was born in December 2021 and was just 6 months old.  He was a couch addict, and a big goof ball.  I forced both the dogs off the furniture so he proceeded to adopt the stool and would perch on it  and rock it back and forth.  He was an intrusive, in your face kind of dog.  I couldn't go the the bathroom without him sitting in front of me to lick my face and nuzzle my neck.  He was a gentle giant who loved his fur brother Bruce from the moment they met.  They played, wrestled and slept together. Bruce would keep his paw around his neck in sleep.  

We adopted him April 23.  He was gangly and tall weighing in about 60 pounds.  At his first vet visit here he was up to 100 lbs and was taller and more gangly.  He had trouble walking with his big feet and often tripped himself when he tried to run.  He and Bruce were instant best buds and were never far from each other. We have a large fenced in back yard and they ran and played until they dropped.  He ate 8 cups of food a day and drank gallons of water.  He had a large umbilical  hernia that we watched closely hoping that it would be okay until about 15 months when he would get neutered and have the hernia repaired at the same time.  He was a constant source of irritation to little Peanut but never hurt her.  He just felt it was his job to poke her with his big nose and bathe her with his tongue.  Peanut did not like the attention.  

The dogs learned to open the gate and they would escape and run the neighborhood.  This behavior just started about a month ago.  Josh re-secured the fence and checked for holes.  I do not know how they got out last night but they did.  Bruce came home alone and was banished to the laundry room for time out.  I got home at ten and went thru my neighborhood calling for him.  Bruce is stronger and faster and I believe that he left his buddy in the dust and Gus got lost.  We have a coyote problem in our neighborhood and they have been feeding on the neighborhood cats.  My big fear was that Gus would encounter them and they would kill him.  He didn't view any dog as a threat.  He was just a big big baby.  Hudson my neighbor's son stopped me in my car as I was looking for Gus.  He had traps out for the coyotes but disabled them when he heard about Gus just in case Gus would get hurt.  Bruce whined when I let him out of the laundry room and went from door to door I believe looking for Gus.   

This morning, Hudson's mom Summer knocked at my door to tell me that her daughter Savannah found him in a ditch off of the main street to my road.  Josh and I hopped in the car and drove the two blocks.  He was surrounded by the neighbors and they had given him water. The S.O. was there to manage traffic.   He wagged his tail when he saw Josh and Joshua was able to lift him up and put him in the back of my car.  He was so broken.  His front legs were horribly swollen and his back leg was angled.  

I took him to the emergency Vet clinic and they helped me get him on a stretcher.  He was in considerable pain.  They managed his pain immediately and took him off for xrays.  The news was not good.  He was damaged so badly and after talking to my friend.  Dr. Kay McGuire I made the decision to put him down.  Becky was in Lafayette and came with the kids for support.  We got to be with him and love on him for a time and then he gently and quietly crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  I cannot describe how devasted Josh and I feel.  It will be a long while before the pain goes away. 

I want to first say how grateful I am to Dr. Ali Guidry, and staff Jessica, Ashlyn, and Andrew for their obvious compassion with our big baby and with me.  You all are a credit to your profession.  You made a horrible situation bearable because of your kindness.  

To the person who hit Gus: I know your car was damaged.  He was a big dog.  It was most likely dark and he is black.  I do not harbor any ill will towards you.  I am grateful to the people who tried to minister to him and to Savannah  for finding my boy so that we could have that final time together.  

My house is quiet.  Bruce is on the couch next to me.  He did not eat this morning.  He knows that something is off.  My neighbor Maria has gone through  the loss of two dogs with me.  I value her compassion as well.  To all those who prayed for my boy on Facebook I can only say thank you. 

I had a fleeting vision at that last moment of Gus and Koray playing together in the place that Dogs go and had peace.   

Winston's birthday, Covid, Underwear explosion, Procrastination, and My Mom.

 I have never missed one of my grands birthday's.  Their birthdays count as very important days for me.  This year I will miss Winston's party because I have Covid.  My last blog I wrote about my granddaughter's friend who spent the night and then became ill with a high fever.  I was sure that it was the flu.  Wrong.  It was covid.  I missed Mother's Day because I was exposed to what ever she had.  Monday I started getting a cold.  On Wednesday I tested positive for Covid.  It really has not been bad.  I just have the mother of all colds.  I also am being treated with Ivermectin and Zithromax.   I can go back to work this next Monday but I will miss my grandson's birthday.  As I age certain days are not to be missed because it may be the last one.  That's pretty morbid thinking but it's true.  He will be having a party minus his Mimi, Uncle Josh and his cousins.  That pretty much sucks but we have all been exposed.  After his party his mom is bringing him by to get his gifts.  I will be a safe distance away while I watch him open his presents.  

I have missed 2 days of work.  What is sad is that I have worked feeling worse than I do now but such is the situation we all find ourselves in.  I will be back on Monday.  I have been home for nearly a week now and other than taking care of my garden have done nothing.  I got up today and decided that I would dig thru my room and get it in order.  I have a lot of stuff.  I have  30+ panties.  THIRTY.  I could wear a pair of day and not have to wash but once a month.  I have over 20 bras and spanx type garments.  The problem is I don't wear bras or anything remotely similar to a girdle.  The last time I spent longer than 4 hours in a spanx was at my daughter's wedding in 2008 and it took 3 people to get me into the damn thing.  Stan used to tell me to wear something to control  the bulges.  He was rude.  Well he was right but still rude.  I haven't worn a bra consistently since 2003 when I had my mastectomies.  Now I only wear a bra with sweaters to control the side fat.  You have to question why I have all those unworn undergarments and I don't have a good answer.  You certainly cannot give them away there is a yuck factor involved with that idea.  I have thrown away all except 2.  I feel better but hate the waste.  As for the Spanx items I am keeping one.  Just in case.  The rest I want to burn.  I hung up all the clothes I had on chairs and exercise equipment.   I have organized my shoes.  I then got sidetracked by my desk of pictures so I decided to take a break and blog for a while.  If I did 30 minutes a day to put things away and to keep up I would be so much better off.  I have a short attention span.  I have made lists and promised myself rewards for sticking to my daily goals and it doesn't work.  I procrastinate till the last minute.  It really does make my life harder and that is one of the things I am working on in therapy.   There are so many other things I would rather do than clean and organize. 

Mom left us 20 years ago yesterday, and I miss her still.  My sister and I share her collection of English Bone China cups and last night I got out a cup, drank some tea and thought about her.  She was one in a million and would have loved her great grandchildren.  At certain times I will see a fleeting expression or a look from my children and grandchildren that reminds me of her.  She is alive in her heirs.  I am grateful.

Mother's Day 2022. There is a Catch

 My Mother's Day is not what I had planned.  You see, my daughter called and offered me several options for celebrating today.  She offered brunch, dinner, coming to her farm and basically whatever I wanted. I chose the farm and instead of dinner I wanted her amazing hors d'oeuvres.  Then she sweetened the pot and said we could have a free style painting day with the kids.  She had the paints and canvases and my grands love to paint as do I.  It sounded like a glorious day.  Go back to Friday.  My granddaughter Allison  wanted her friend Aubrey to come spend the night and I agreed.  The girls had a great night playing and making videos.  Saturday morning I was out in my garden weeding and Josh came to get me saying the Aubrey couldn't move her legs. I came in and with my 44 years of ED nursing guessed that most of her symptoms were drama related.  No pain, no nausea just couldn't move.  She was on the top bunk and she is at least a foot taller than my granddaughter and there was no way I could lift her off the bunk.  I mustered my best ER voice, told her to roll over NOW.  Josh was able to get her down and I pointed out to her that she was moving her legs so she could walk.  I got her the  couch, took her temperature and it was 98.6.  I questioned her and got mumbled replies.  I don't do well with ANYONE who won't speak up and won't answer questions.  It literally makes me nuts.  So enter the bitch nurse.  She finally spoke up and had no real symptoms but stated it had happened before(which was news to her mom). We called her mom at work and she felt it might be her coming of age "time".  Great.  Anyway less than an hour later she looked like crap and I retook her temperature and it had soared to 104.6.  CRAP.  I dosed her with Advil and Tylenol and then got into a war of wills about getting the blankets off and her into light weight clothing.  I won for the most part.  After dealing with all the 9 year old attitude I could deal with told my son he had sick duty and I took off for Lowes to get garden stuff.  More on that later.  On the way there I was crying so hard I could hardly see.  I had to call Becky.  I needed to let her know that I was exposed to, what appeared to this old nurse,  flu.  She assured me that Mother's Day could be next weekend.  You all have no idea how excited I was for today.  I can't even describe my disappointment but Becky is right and we can do it next weekend.  I keep reminding myself that it is just a day and that I have so many blessings.  Today I will work in my garden. Yay.

My garden is growing as is the grass and weeds.  I was looking at my little growing plants and noted that some of the leaves had been nibbled on.  I had planned on doing all things natural including getting rid of the pests.  Then the Aubrey  plague happened.  I was not in the mood for natural pest ridding techniques.  I wanted to annihilate the bastards.  I bought  Sevin Spray and dust.  Today they are history.  

Last night I made meatloaf again.  According the Josh and the kids it was good.  I apparently have conquered my history of meatloaf disasters, bless God. 

I went to bed last night thinking about my mom.  She would have laughed about my day yesterday and also sympathized with me about the whole situation.  She was such a good humored, kind person.  I miss her every single day.  She went to meet her Lord on Mother's Day 2002.  She was in the hospital and she told the nurse, after having a great day, that Jesus came to her and told her she would be coming home.  She did go and I know that she is in a glorious place.  I still miss her with every fiber in my being.  She loved me unconditionally and I miss that total acceptance.  As an added plus she thought I was really funny.  Her greatest wish was that her girls would be close and we are.  

Mother's Day is an American holiday but I will post this with the final wish to all the mothers over the world have a wonderful Mother's Day:

Happy Mothers day 

Glad Mors Dag

Schonen Muttertag

Haha no hi omedeto

Muqin jie kuaile

Z Dnem Materi

furaha kwa siku ya kina mama

Bonne fete des meres

Eid am saeid

Feliz Dia das Maes

Feliz dia de la madre

Buona festa della mamma

Charoumeni giorti tis mitera

Hau'oli la makuahine

Ama Beehaniihigii binahji

Yom em sam'ach

Latha nam Mathraichean sona

La'na Maithreacha sonna duit

Chuc mung ngay cua me

..... and all the rest. 💓💓💓

The Cake, My Cooking Acumen, and my Butt

 I take cake decorating classes.  I do fine as long as Rachel, my teacher, is there. In fact I can make a cake and remember enough of the lessons that I can get it decorated(sans roses... I cannot make a fricken rose to save my soul) and I am not ashamed of the way it looks.  I made a Red Velvet cake for my son's birthday.  It was not my usual recipe because I couldn't find that one nor could I remember the name.  I used one off the internet labeled "THE BEST  RED VELVET CAKE EVER".  Not to be ugly but that bitch lied.  I kept thinking that it wasn't right but considering it was the  best EVER I persevered.  You know, after finishing the batter, you sneak a taste?  Well, it didn't taste right.  I had Joshua come in and had him taste it.  His exact words  "I need to spit this out".  He thought it was icing and when he realized it was the cake batter he encouraged me to keep on because it was probably great when cooked. So I kept on and even made a second batch so that we could have a "taste" cake before I served it to anyone else.  It was sort of ok.  He ate a lot and his kids loved it, me not so much.  I decorated and served it the next day.  I took a bite and had trouble swallowing it and pronounced it the worst cake ever. It called for vegetable oil and I used a new bottle just purchased.  It tasted like old oil.   Unfortunately my son in law also took a bite and now my red velvet cake is on the list of things he will never eat from me.  The other being "THE BEST EVER MEATLOAF"  that I made for him and was the most disgusting thing I have ever cooked. It smelled good too and as I recall the kids ate that as well.    Kids must have  underdeveloped taste buds considering they eat playdoh and paste and think its great.  I was telling my friend Desiree Fairley about the disaster and she mentioned that she uses the Waldorf Astoria Red Velvet Cake recipe.  DING.  That was it.  I made my first R. V. cake when I was about 20 for a boyfriend.  I got the recipe from the Columbus Dispatch and made it exactly as written.  Even back then I was not a cook.  It didn't look pretty but it was delish.  Mike ate half the cake.  Mom loved it and that was the best praise.  Well I decided to remake the cake today with the true best ever recipe. it came out good.  Honestly. the cake was a little dry but other than that, no oil taste just the hint of cocoa and the icing was perfect.   I have redeemed myself at least as far as a R.V.  cake goes.  I can cook in a way.  I am not starving but I am not one of those people who can open up the fridge, turn on the air-fryer and produce a lovely meal.  I do a lot of stir fry.  I put left over veggies in a pan sauté them and then add them to beef, chicken, pork, or shrimp that I have already cooked.   Don't ask me to fry chicken or make a meatloaf.  I have, on occasion, made fried chicken that was cooked thoroughly and tasted okay.  It doesn't happen often. I have tried meatloaf over the years and have failed miserably ending in the disaster that I fed Shane.  The other day I made one from a Keto recipe and it, saints be praised, tasted decent.  No one but me and my son's children know this because the piece I sent home for Shane went uneaten.  When I first got married to husband #1 I had to call my mom to find out how long you cooked a hotdog.  I knew you had to cook pork well.  The hotdogs were huge and waterlogged and my mom laughed hysterically.  I don't think Steve knew I couldn't cook because I would order out and come home to throw the take-out in my pans and get rid of the cartons.  I did that a lot and should get points for ingenuity.  I was working back then and pregnant thus had the excuse of being to tired to cook or being nauseated.  Steve cooked.  When I married Stan I was upfront about my lack of cooking but by then I learned to follow a few recipes and was able to make several things.  I am the queen of casseroles.  My Christmas dinner has been the same for over 30 years and includes an assortment of casseroles and prime rib.  I don't vary the menu and I can make it blindfolded.  I love my cake decorating classes so much and found out that you can take cooking classes in Lafayette.  I am going to sign up and I am pretty excited about it.  70 years old is not to old to learn new things.    

My weight loss is going well.  I am down to the double digit kilos.  I have lost better than 60 lbs and  can feel and see the difference. Yesterday I looked in the mirror standing sideways and realized that I don't have a butt.   There is no definition between my thigh and my butt.    I have a 2  large legs that starts at my waist that just happen to have a crack in the middle.  I have avoided going to the gym because I am lazy but have a renewed interest in going when I looked at myself from the side. I realized I am pounds away from having a droopy little old lady ass.  I can't afford butt implants so I am going to have to do it the old-fashion way and exercise. I will never have buns of steel nor do I want a Kardashian derriere but I  just want to be able to  see where my thigh begins when I am turned sideways.  

Counseling and Behaviors

 I am seeing a councilor.  Her name is Ann Lavernge and I like her.  I decided that at the age of 70 that I need work and not just on my body and face. I have enough emotional baggage that if I continue to carry it they will need an extra large casket to bury me in.   It's important to get a person that you like and I believe that I found her immediately.  It is early  and she hasn't pushed me too hard yet so I imagine that there will be sessions that will make me uncomfortable but the trust is already there.  My homework this week was to identify a behavior that I want to change.  I came up with two that I feel that I could work on that would have measurable goals thus leading to a success of sorts.  I am a spendthrift and a world class procrastinator. Both have caused me difficulty in my life.  I was aware of these issues but I never consciously set out to deal with them.  

Spendthriftness

Oh God.  I have made an unbelievable amount of money in my life and have little to show for it.  I am not a hoarder in that sense of the word but I love to shop.  I hate going into stores and my addiction of sorts is in online shopping.  I am still working as a nurse primarily to pay off  debts and to have income to buy things.  Honestly other than wigs and press on nails a lot of my spending is on my kids and grands. I am blessed that they love me and express it all of the time and not just when I come carrying gifts.  If they want something I will move heaven and earth to get it for them.  It makes me happy.  Back when my kids were young our Christmas's were ridiculous.  I think it was because I grew up poor and Christmas was so exciting.  We didn't get a lot but the opening of the packages was an unbelievable joy.  Forward to my kids growing up.  I shopped early and long.  I went into debt buying toys, shoes, clothes, and games.  It caused friction between Stan and I each year which was probably why he disliked  Christmas.  I still purchase way to much but as a control for myself I try to limit one big gift and 4 small gifts for each grand.  I dont always meet the goal but I am making an effort.  

Since I have lost weight it is a struggle to stay off the Chico clothes site.  I can wear great clothes now and look so much better.  I have a closet full of fabulous hand-me-downs from my daughter and friend Dana.  I  will probably never get to wear all that I have as I continue to lose.  

I have never had a dollar that I couldn't find a place to give it or spend it.  I have little in savings and that causes me great concern.  Just before I sat down to write this I looked online at Vogue Wigs and Static nails and put things in the shopping cart.  I didn't buy them but they are there just out of reach.  I am generous and if I have it and you need it I will buy it for you.  

I like gadgets.  I bought a laminator to work on my children's memory books.  I really needed it and I do use it a lot so maybe that doesn't count as wasteful spending,  The handheld froth maker for my morning lattes I could have lived without.  I have used it only a handful of times.  

I play a lot of online games and found myself throwing money into them so that I could win.  I stopped that not too long ago.  It hit me that I was getting nothing from that investment and I still play I just don't win  as often.  It sounds stupid but it is very alluring to know that if you just had one more play that you could win.  That is the main reason I don't go to the casino very often.  I probably go once or twice a year. I have a set limit and when it's gone it's gone.  

Procrastination

I will put off doing things that aren't fun to do NOTHING.  I am admittedly the worlds worst housekeeper.  I am having family over for Joshua's birthday tomorrow and have a buttload of housework to do before they come.  I dusted today for the first time in a long long while.  It choked me.  I love to have a tidy house but I just am too lazy to keep up with it.  I did about 10 loads of wash the other day and considered it a victory that I folded it AND put it away.  I have lofty goals but rarely see them through.  I have a Bissell floor cleaner that is easy to use and does a great job.  I should do my kitchen floor daily and I don't.  I have a litany of excuses of why I don't do things that needs to be done.  The truth is when I do them I feel good, but apparently that is not impetus  enough to keep me going.  I have several projects that need to get done and don't do them.   I have lost a lot of weight, and now need to exercise to build muscle and strength.  I have a gym membership.  I don't go.  I have the time I really do but I just don't go.  I have a serious case of the "don't wants"  I don't want to do it and lack the basic discipline to get up and move.

I just spoke with my daughter and asked for her input she said that I have a constant need to "fix" other peoples problems.  She will call and mention a problem just to voice her frustration and I immediately go into "solve" mode.  She just wanted to talk she didn't want me to fix it for her.  I do this with everyone.  I am not sure how to fix this.  Understanding her, I can see how this would stymie her conversing with me about issues. My son could offer no suggestions.  He said that issues he had 6 months ago are no longer a problem  and that he could see the work I have done to change.  He could not tell me however what I had changed.  

  I have had sadness and great joy in my life and find that I often think about those times.  I revisit conversations and situations that I should have dealt with another way.  It truly is a monumental waste of time to do the should of/would of/could of routine but I do it anyway.  Maybe that is a natural part of the 'joy'  of aging.  I look forward to my meetings with Ann I have a feeling she can help me sort myself out.  

 

Happy Valentine's Day, Flamingos, Gardens, Etc

 It's Valentine's Day.  Yippee.  It's never been high on my list of celebration days.  I remember with fondness, my time in elementary school.  We would decorate Valentine boxes and buy cards to give to all of our classmates.  I remember the lace doilies, the cut out red hearts covering a box covered in foil.  We had a party with cookies and red punch.  In an effort to be more festive I decorated my Christmas  palm tree for the flamboyance of Flamingos that I have.   They have let me know that they are expecting Easter and Mardi Gras decorations as well.  I will be shopping at Hobby Lobby in the near future to keep them happy.  Almost everything I do is for the benefit of my grands.  I really don't know if they care or not but I like to do it and I guess I am using them as my excuse.  As to the flamingos.... I apparently have a collection.  I am actually now looking for flamingo stuff.  I really did not set out to "flamingo-ize" my house it just sort of happened.  I had one for years and then when I redecorated my house  with beachy tones they all moved in.  I have 2 sets of flamingo jammies, pillows, sheets, towels,  wine holder , and a toilet paper holder,  I have pictures, some I have made and others bought.  I have stuffed flamingos, ornaments for Christmas, cups and candle holders. I have leggings with  flamingos and matching shirts that my neighbor made.    I really didn't realize that I like them but here it is.  They are everywhere.  I may not have "home beautiful" but they make me smile and that is what is important.  When I die my kids are going to have to unload a buttload of birds from my house.  Now THAT really makes me laugh.  Someday I want to visit a place that has flamingos.  I really would like to see one up close.  

 

I am going to put in a garden this year.  I want the grands to participate in the selection of vegetables that I put in.  Allison wants sunflowers and the seeds have been ordered.  The only thing that Aries wants is watermelon. I need to get Winston, Patton and Aster's requests to finish off the supply list.  Josh is going to till in 20 foot rows 3 feet apart in my side yard,  so that I can walk between the rows without getting in the mud.  I am not an outdoorsy person but I am purposing myself to do this thing.  I really feel that we need to be able to grow our own food and Lord knows I have the space.  The next step will be the canning of said produce.  At 70 I am hoping it is still possible to teach and old dog new tricks without poisoning my family.  I am putting in raspberry  and blueberry bushes all along my new fence that Josh just finished.  I already have a peach tree that puts out small hard peaches that are incredibly sweet.  I need to get some apple trees planted and satsuma trees as well.  I have been blessed with a large yard. I have  about an acre and a half.  I want things to grow all around.  There is something satisfying about growing your own produce. 

My plants that I have indoor are thriving.  They are doing so well that I went to Lowes and bought some more.  I have a full spectrum plant light that is on about 12 hours a day.  Apparently plants like to sleep... who knew? I feed them and make sure they have water.  I am working at getting rid of my black thumb.  

I have lost nearly  60lbs and feel so much better.  I am actually going to post another blog tomorrow after I get back from my doctor's.  I am having "work" done.  I just got my lips filled last week and we are going to do the whole face tomorrow.  I have no intention in growing old gracefully.  I am doing this stuff for me. It hurts by the way.  Just saying.  

I am going on vacation in a couple of weeks with Becky and her family.  I am very excited.  Josh will be here to take care of the animals and watch the house so I feel better about leaving.  This resort has a spa that I believe I have blogged about in the past. It is  beyond amazing and  I have already booked my treatments. I packed last week.  I can't wait.  I have noticed that as I get older everything seems so much more exciting and I don't know why.  God has been so good to me.  Everyday is a blessing and I wake up each morning and say my thanks for another day.  

So from Bruce, (Presa Canario /American Bulldog mix} Peanut the Chi-weenie, all the flamingos and me have a glorious Valentine's Day! 

New Years, Resolutions and the End to a Really Sucky Year

 This has been a tough year.  Covid is still running amok, but it always will.  When we get to herd immunity status everybody should be able to calm the heck down.   I will always say the government mandates were never about our health but more about control.  By and large we have proven what sheep we are and are dutifully lining up for our booster which will not prevent us from getting the bug.  I did not get the vaccine because a year ago November I contracted Covid19 and still to this day have antibodies.  It's been almost 14 months.  I do not trust the CDC as far as I can throw the whole building.  Between that weenie Fauci and what Biden's administration comes out with, every time I hear "follow the science" I don't know whether to laugh or gag.  I learned that Fauci is the most highly compensated federal employee for the second year in a row and "makes more money than the President, four-star generals and his colleagues at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases" according to Forbes. He is overwhelmed with his own importance.  He is a weasel and should be ignored and fired at the least.   He is a corrupt ass and has lied to Congress and to the American People and should be jailed.   When he was interviewed and said that anyone speaking against him was speaking against science, I was speechless at how important this ass thinks he is.

We have mask mandates, vaccine mandates, travel mandates, mandate mandates. Because of Omicron they are closing schools, businesses, shows and discouraging getting together with families for celebrations AGAIN.  Our government is turning us against each other vaccine vs unvaccinated, mask vs unmasked, stay in your home vs get out and live.  I still greet people with a hug and my patients still hug me.  I love it.  We are frightened, intimidated, little people who are afraid to really question the crap that Washington is shoveling down our throats. No one from the left EVER questions the hypocrisy that runs rampant in Washington.  Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY 14th District) is in sunny Florida, maskless in crowded bars and social events, while her constituents are required to wear masks and Omicron is surging in her state.  Her response to the  Republican outcry is that they are frustrated  because they can't date her.  She consistently remains clueless.

Personally, I have had issues in my own family that has made this year ending very unsettled.  I have had to take my own lifetime of behavior and  effect change.  It has been tough.  I like people to get along and I really like peace.  I don't like arguing at all and want to be surrounded in rainbows of happiness.  I feel like for 2 months I have been trudging thru a minefield where one stray word/text can set off an epic explosion of words and emotion.  It finally hit me that I was done. I was finished, wrapped up, disgusted, hurt, aghast and I was done being blamed.  I knew that I had to stop and apply tough love.  Those who think that the application of tough love is hard on the recipient has no clue what it does to the person who has to adjust the way they have interacted with the individual being "tough loved".  It sucks.  But despite emotional threats, silence and blackmail I came thru with a better understanding of who I am and just what my responsibilities are and what they aren't.  I cannot make you happy, you are responsible for your own happiness.  My goals are certainly not the same as your goals and it's up to each of us to go after our own goals.  It's not my responsibility to get you to your goals. Love is constant and gets better with age and if it doesn't then I would question the emotion.  I just can't shut it off.  I love you unconditionally and that will never change.  Telling me to stop isn't going to work either.  Just ignore me but know that I will never lay eyes on you coming or going that I will not express my love.  It may be under my breath but it's a given.   Having you never set eyes on me again will be your loss because I have so much to offer, and I will miss you, it will be tough, but I will survive.  I will pray for you every day for your peace, success, and joy.  I want that for you.

As for my New Year's Resolutions I only have a few.  The main one is to be a great plant Mom.  I have the desire and I even bought a plant light for the darlings. I am reading instructions on how to care for the few plants that I have, and I am going to change my black thumb into green this year. African Violets are my next up because they remind me of my mom.

 I am going to go out of my way not to unintentionally hurt someone.  I tend to react quickly to things that are said to me.  I can hurt someone by not measuring my responses.  I am not going to let things said to me affect my peace.  I am going to take time off to enjoy life.  I am going to finish the photo books that I had started in the fall.  I have most of it done except the ones about my daughter and son's family history.  The last one is to continue my weight loss journey and enjoy the benefits of being able to walk and play with my grandkids.  I am richly blessed, and I give thanks to God for seeing me through the rough patches and showing me miracles.

I pray that each of you reading this will have a wonderful year. God bless you all.