Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Pet Peeves part 1 Body Part Names


In the last post about Karma my niece left me a comment wondering if I take the same care of my non-mice clients. Of course I do silly girl... as long as they, as adults, can present to the ER and talk about their ailing body parts sans nicknames.
This problem is a daily occurrence and reigns as one of my top pet peeves( and I have many)
Example: Large adult male(macho type) presents to the ER.
Me: what can I help you with?
Him: I have a problem
me: yes?

him: Its ummm (and vaguely waves his hand downward) there...down there

You cannot hand me an opening like this and expect me not to act on it!!!!

me: Looking to his feet....did you sprain your ankle...and looking really really sincere and puzzled.
him; ummmmm no..... my private
me: your private WHAT????
him: my private part...you know.....
me: Ohhhhhhhhhh you mean your PENIS or your TESTICLES?
him: uhhhh yeah
me: Which is sick....is it your PENIS or your TESTICLES or both your PENIS and your TESTICLE... ( looking innocent and very very sincere)
him: its my rod.
Me: ahhhhhhh the PENIS. Now we are getting somewhere. What is wrong with your penis
Him; Well he(that is a quote)has a burn and a drip

Okay you get my drift... and that conversation really happened and ones like it happen ever day. I figure if you can take your rod out to play without 'his' coat on you can at least say the name PENIS without embarrassment.
Men are really bad about this. They come in telling me that, (I am inserting penis names here) rod, the big man, peter, by best friend, timmy, mr. wiggles, and names like that.... has a problem... they talk in the third person and have a detached air about themselves as if they are talking about someone else.
I make them say the correct name. Say penis..... say testicle..... say I have a sexually transmitted disease because I am a stupid shit and went in without covering up.... It constantly amazes me that adults are embarrassed about their body part names. It comes from childhood. I remember when Joshua at 2 came home from the baby sitter announcing that he had 'drained his main vein' I asked him what he meant and he said you know mommy.... "I bled my lizard". I finally figured out that he meant he had peed in the toilet by himself. I called Debra and requested that we use correct terms...( yes I was one of those moms)in the back ground Joshua was yelling
" I holding my snake" Right now you mothers say to your children..... penis .... they will die laughing.... and may come up with "ohhhh mommy said a bad word"

I will allow that pet names are okay as long as the child knows that penis, testicle, uterus, vagina, and breast are the correct names... and if ,God forbid, they ever have to testify in a court of law that they know the correct names. If a child can express himself in the event of an encounter with a perverted individual... it makes our job so much easier.

Women also do the down there thing or the privates thing when they come in the ER. I had a lady say to me, when I questioned if the boil was on her Labia, "huh they let you all talk dirty in here"... I had a lovely young lady come in and tell me she had a boil on her PUBLIC AREA ( not pubic and probably not a mispronunciation the way she was acting)..... she at least tried bless her little loose heart.

Now you adults in the privacy of your own home make up all the names you want. Mr. Wiggly can play with Mutt, Jeff and Ms. tweedy bird ( don't be coy I know you can figure that out) but when you enter the ER.... PLEASE use the correct term.

No comments: