Happy Mother's Day 2018

My mother went home to Jesus on Mother's Day 2002.  So many years have gone by and I still miss her.  So many times I think I need to call Mom and tell her about a situation that is going on. I think I have blogged before that when I am going through something troubling she will come to me in my dreams.  She listens to me tell her what is wrong and I can "hear" her advise me although I never can remember seeing her lips move.  She sits there with this kind expression on her face and her thoughts are mine.  I have my answer and I turn to hug her and she is gone.  I always wake up grieved that instead of talking I should have just hugged her.  The logical answer of course is that I knew her so well and knew what she would say in most situations that my dream is just my subconscious acting on previously stored "mom" information.  I CHOOSE not to be logical.  She has come to me in dreams and during my last surgery.  For these many moments my Mom was there for me as she was in life.

I think the hope of all moms is that they leave a lasting impression on their young and hopefully a good one.  I hope that my children and grandchildren will look back on my life and tell funny stories, laugh, and talk about my eccentricities, my fear of spiders and flying. I want them to  keep me alive through the next generation and if I am really lucky the generation after that. I know some of the negative things that will be told  there as well.  I am not perfect.  I worked too much and too long.  I have so many regrets that I did not take more time with both of my children.  Looking back I made so many mistakes. I love Joshua and Rebekah with so much love it makes my heart hurt.  I now know that agony that my mom felt when something happened to one of us.  I still want to make things right for both of my kids and I am wrong, they are out of my nest and into their own.  They have their own children and I am in awe that  they both are excellent parents.  My mom used to say to me you are still and will  always be my baby no matter your age.  That is how I feel.  I still want to slay all their dragons. I am joyous that my grandchildren love me.  That is such a special kind of love: freely given, honestly expressed and full of that special something that only a child can give.

I had so many "moms" that helped me in the rearing of my children.  Georgia Satterfield Shimkus was my support system with Josh and I wrote a previous blog about her.  I was a new mom and she was there and loved my son with me.  When Becky came along Ruth Knol Sutherland taught me that all food groups could be found in  fruit roll ups, marshmallows, Twizzlers, raisins, and chased with Vitamin C. My children were her children and vice versa. Kay McGuire gave Josh a
Gordon Setter  for his 12th birthday and encouraged him to show said dog.  He was so shy and I still have a picture with Jezzy the dog,  the Judge holding Jezzy's winning ribbon and Joshua looking like he was in melt down mode.  She has watched both my kids grow with exasperation and love. Jojo Lapp not only was in the delivery room when I had Rebekah but  has given me most of the Christmas traditions that I still try to honor  She really does Christmas the best and my kids are doing some of those same things for their kids and probably don't realize that it started with JoJo. Jill Forbes is the Nan to Patton Lee.  Patton is one of the twins and is adored by his Nanny. She equally loves Winston and Aster as well. She is "aunt" to Joshua and Rebekah.  Maria Felton came into my life about 15 years ago.  She has provided untold advice, love and support to my family  and loves my  grandchildren,  Her daughter Arianna is like  another grandchild to me and I stand by with so much pride at all her successes.  So many women have had so much impact on my children and grandchildren.  To all those women I wish you love on this day and great thanks for the love and care you selflessly gave to me and mine. My prayer is that you realize just how much you did do and realize just how important you are.

To my sister Patti who raised her two "babies" to successful adulthood.  I love you and know that you miss mom just like I do.  She loved us all so very much.

Happy Mother's Day