Fashion and the ER

I saw a woman last night who was one of the following: a) the most secure person I ever met b) blind c) in danger of being put away for a life sentence by the fashion police. This lovely(and I use that term loosely) young lady had black hair topped off with an added Mohawk hairpiece in hot pink, purple and a lighter shade that honest to God I can't remember I was in such shock. She was large(again the term used very very loosely) dressed in a puffy dress that had elastic around the very short hem that made the dress puff out in the middle and it made it sort of egg shaped. The dress was very low cut and she had bounteous ta-tas that were encased in something that pushed them up and out. She had to be a DDDDD cup. Words cannot describe her cleavage. The ta-tas jiggled. A lot. She had an abundance of gold jewelry everywhere and a cute little gold thing in her nose. The gold thing matched the gold in her front teeth. The gold in her front teeth had some sort of design that I really wanted to look at more closely but didn't have a good excuse to do so. I was speechless....ME speechless... go figure. Damn the privacy laws!!! I so wanted to take her picture with my phone. I stopped dead with my mouth open when I first saw her and then had to do a song and dance to prevent her being 'insulted'. It was like seeing an accident.. so awful that you just have to stare. I had to avert my gaze because she could have thrown me down and stomped on me if she perceived me as looking at her in less than an admiring way. OH oh oh oh... the nails...long and multi-colored AND matched her toenails that were on a pair of wide feet that were crammed into 3 inch wedged heels. I didn't get to see the underwear(God be praised) but my bet is on a size 28 thong. I am still in shock.