Happy New Year 2015 and (oh gawd....) Resolutions

Its that time of year again when we make promises to ourselves and then backslide within a week.  I have decided to lower my own expectations and be more realistic thus creating a positive outlook for the new year.

1) Exercise 3 minutes a day. I can do more BUT 3 minutes a day is well within reason.
2) Only hit my snooze button twice instead of 6 times.  I set my alarm to allow myself SIX snoozies because somehow it seems like I am getting more sleep.  I cannot explain the logic in that exercise.
3) Keep my room clean and picked up.  
4) Once a week go through my room and dust, pick up my clothes and scrub the toilet.
5) Scrub the toilet if I have guests over, get a housekeeper  or if Milo refuses to drink out of the bowl.
6) Give away at least 10 pairs of shoes that I will never wear. Including the pair of heels that are fricking awesome that I have never been able to wear because they have 3 inch heels.
7) Do not watch QVC or look at anything that promises easy pay over 6 months. Okay this will be tough so I will do this for 6 months.  3months.
8) Go one day without mentioning or thinking about what a horrendous  president we have.
9) Do not say "Laaaad day" Becky will be jumping thru hoops over this one.  She despises that I say this.  I actually have been working on this for the last few months.
10) Throw out my size six thongs.  I will never ever get those on again and keeping them in my drawer will not make it happen.  Likewise my bikini.
11) Get rid of half of the make up in my makeup drawer.  I don't wear purple, green or silver eye shadow. The cherry red blush was an epic fail choice and it won't change color the older it gets.  Oh and all those little perfume samples are going.  Most of them make me smell like a little old lady with BO no matter how many times I try to use them. 
12) Make just enough dinner for two so that there are no leftovers.
13) Throw out ALL the salad dressing that are in the fridge that are out of date by a year.  For that matter throw out everything in the fridge as most of it is out of date, moldy or glued to the Tupperware.
14) Give away at least 20 cookbooks, I think I only cook once a year and that is at Christmas.  Having all those cookbooks will never make me Martha Stewart. 
15)Give away anything in my closet that is a size 18 because God help me I will never get that big again. 
16) Blog at least twice a month.  It makes me happy and  I really need to be happy more often. 
17) Learn all the words to "Let it Go" from Frozen and sing it to my granddaughter Allison.  She won't care that I sound like a frog. 
18) Brush my dog Milo at least 3 times a week.  I'm tired of sleeping in a fur bed.  Teach Milo to hold still while I use the sweeper on him. The accessory hose on my Dyson works like a charm.  Milo however doesn't like it much. 
19)Correct my potty mouth.  I have grandchildren and  I cuss like a sailor.   Sydni and Rebekah will not be happy if their children start dropping the F bomb.  I will not blame Stan if that happens.
20) I will mentally review everything that I want to say before my mouth opens up at least 10% of the time.  Considering I never do that any verbal reticence on my part will be  vast improvement

Happy New Year to all my friends and relatives.  May this year bring you untold joy and blessings.

Christmas 2014

Every year I get more behind despite my promises to myself. I did not get my tree up  until the first of December  I did not get all my decorations out, in fact I only used about 6 of the 20+ boxes.  Next year I am starting in October which will mean,  because of my procrastination issues, that by Thanksgiving I will have  at least my tree up.  The upside to the sparse decorations is that I should be able to put everything away in a day. It made me somewhat sad not to have everything out because I now have a new little audience for my talking toys, stuffed animal displays, my collections of Santas and my many, many nativity sets.  I loved watching Winston just stand and look at the tree.   He just stood there with a smile on his face.  Then he and his cousins decided to rearrange some of the ornaments. That was the very reason that everything from 2 feet down was unbreakable. 

 

 

I am in awe watching the grandchildren.  I love seeing things thru their eyes,  I love experiencing the magic that only Christmas can bring.  Thank you Jesus for these gifts that you have given me.  Thank you for their innocence and their love for their Mawmaw. 

 

Christmas Eve was spent with my family.  Joshua in from working in West Virginia and his family, Rebekah and her family, Taunte Jill Forbes(my other "sister"), Frances and Benny Garrard and of course Stan and me.  I said the prayer and of course got teary eyed.  The older I get the more I get emotional when I pray, just like my mom used to.  I cannot look at my family and not feel so much love.  I have wonderful children and they have given me my grandchildren.  My heart is so very full that it overflows sometimes thru my eyes.  We had a wonderful dinner if I do say so myself.  Prime rib, all the casseroles, the two traditional  Jello dishes, a bottle or two of Rosa Ragale and several deserts.  In chaos we opened our stockings and our presents.  It was THE BEST watching the babies open their things.  They have such fun and it makes me happy to be a part of that process.  Jill and I partially cleaned up after everyone left and went to Rebekah's house to help her get ready for Christmas morning.  It has been rush, rush, rush for the last week and I have not spent time thinking about the true meaning of the holiday.  Tonight just before I sat to write this  I read the most beautiful words ever written ( crying while I read of course)and I want to share them with you:

 

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given: and The Government shall be upon His Shoulder: and His Name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty GOD, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His Government and peace there shall be no end, upon the Throne of David, and upon His Kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the LORD of Hosts will perform this"(Isaiah 9:6-7).

Luke 2:1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. 2:2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) 2:3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. 2:4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) 2:5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with Child.

 2:6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

 

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 2:9 And, lo, the angel of the LORD came upon them, and the glory of the LORD shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the LORD. 2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. 2:15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into Heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the LORD hath made known unto us. 2:16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. 2:17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this Child. 2:18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 2:19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. 2:20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them. 2:21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the Child, His Name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before He was conceived in the womb

What a glorious day, this celebration of Jesus birth.  I hope this day found you filled with love, and family.  I hope that your wishes came true and I pray that the Baby in the manger finds his way into your heart. 
So to my family: Joshua and Sydni Hart, their children Aries and Allison, Rebakah and Shane Garrard and their son  Winston, to Taunte Jill, and to Stan, I love you all to the moon and back.  You are my heart.

 

 

Happy Birthday Rebekah 2014

 

 

 

 

 

Happy birthday my precious Rebekah.  I remember so much from the past but yet not enough.  I remember so many wonderful things but for some reason cannot remember if you said dada or mama first.  It's the little things that make up the fabric of our family history and I have most of it down and can close my eyes and revisit a time when you were my baby.  I so enjoy Winston because it jogs my memory of you and the things you would do.  The other day I was watching him play and he looked at me and I was transported back in time 33 years ago and remembered that same look from you.  I looked at you last night at Winston's baptism and thought that you had never looked more beautiful.  You have your twin baby bump and you look so.....  I cannot think of a word.  Maybe complete, or regal.... I can't explain but you took my breath away.  I want all good things for you and have wondered if I could, would I wave a magic wand and take away all the things that would cause you sadness?  As a mom you know that you would do anything to protect Winston and keep him happy but it is the bumps in the road of life, the disappointment, sadness, the tears, and the unspeakable joy that brings the fabric of life together to form a garment made just for you. It's those things that make you strong so no I would not wave my wand to give you a life of only wonderful things but as your mom I will promise that I will walk with you during those times that are the hardest.  That's what moms do.  I wish blessings from our heavenly Father to pour down on you this year and the years to come.  You are my joy.  Happy Birthday my sweet sweet daughter and many many more!!!

A Few of the Pictures From Alaska

Cruising Alaska, Butter, Bacon, Desserts and the Wetsuit.

Stan and I went to Alaska the first of September aboard the Norwegian Pearl out of Seattle.  Knowing that I would probably put on a few pounds I diligently followed my diet and dropped about 10 pounds prior to departure.  I don't like to fly, ever, but our trip on Alaskan Airways was pleasant even though it was about 4 hours long.  When I travel I end up with the mother of all "cankles" and this time was no exception.  I was downing Lasix like skittles so that I could fit into my shoes. We spent the night before departure in Seattle at the Doubletree otherwise known as the "cookie" hotel.  When you check in they present you with 2 large chocolate chip cookies that are still warm.  The damn things are about 400 calories each but as you know calories do not count on vacation.  They are the best and worth every dollar that we had to spend to stay there. The next morning boarding the ship  I had one moment that caused me concern and brought me front and center to the  current events of the time.  We were in back of a group of Muslims all carrying backpacks.  It made me nervous and sad at the same time.  13 years ago I wouldn't have given them a thought.  Then 9/11 happened.  I obsessed about what they were carrying in their backpacks. I hate that about myself but I did manage to smile at the family in front and make true and appropriate noises about what beautiful children they had.  They were lovely but I still remained untrusting.  

I love cruising.  I love the food, the people and the casino on board.  I am just happy as I can be doing nothing but eating, drinking and playing the slots.  I did not miss a meal.  I ate often and well.  I probably ate more in a week than I do in a month at home.  I ate bacon every day.  I convinced myself that I would need the fat to keep warm.  I didn't miss a single dessert.  I cannot explain it but cruise ship butter tastes so much better than what I have at home.  I used a whole lot of butter on a whole lot of rolls.  My name is Debbie and I KNOW that I have an eating disorder. I know better and have returned to my pre-cruise diet but boy did I have a wonderful gastronomical holiday!

Juneau was our first stop in our cruise and where we were going to the Mendenhall Glacier and Whale watch.  I was the one that booked and paid for our tours so the fault is all mine that I didn't realize that this tour included a hike.  The path was paved so it wasn't like hiking on stone and dirt but I really didn't realize that I would have to walk.  I am a princess.  I don't do hikes.  I should, I know, then I wouldn't have to worry about all the butter I eat.  I have issues not just the size of my butt.  My knees are victims of holding up all my weight and give me trouble every once in a while.  I held my own and other than some huffing and puffing did well.  The glacier was beautiful, it was worth the hike.  We then boarded a boat to look for whales. I had my trusty camera and came prepared to get some tail.  Whale tail. I had a problem with making my fingers work at the right time.  The whale would breach and I was in awe and just stood there, camera in hand, watching this wonder of nature when my brain would engage thinking "PICTURE" and I would take the pix.  I have many many pictures of the tip of the whale tails only.  Our boat broke down on the way back to shore and we had to be "rescued" by another tour.  It was great fun.

We stopped at Skagway, Alaska next and took the White Pass train trip.  We took a bus to Fraser, BC and boarded the train to travel 27 miles to Skagway, AK.  Stan loved the trip as he is into trains and spent the whole time outside on the platform between the cars. I enjoyed it but spent long minutes with my eyes closed as we passed over narrow mountain passages.  Afterwards we were bussed to a   reconstruction of an old tent town called Liarsville and fed a meal of salmon and sides.  They had a show afterwards. I spent time talking to the actors and  I shopped. I found a wonderful knit cap shaped like a beaver head.  I never knew that I wanted a beaver head hat, it must have been the altitude.  Maybe it was the beer.

Since the time we booked our trip and were able to look at tours  I have been over the moon about coming to Ketchikan, AK.  I was going to snorkel, in a wetsuit, at Mountain Point outside of Ketchikan.  The tour provided heated 7mm wetsuits.  I have no experience in donning wetsuits but I have a ton of experience with  a Spanx,  Previously,  writing about my daughters wedding I devoted 2 posts to that invention of Satan.  It took a team of people to get me into my spanx and still have nightmares about the experience.  I called ahead of time and discussed my concerns with a representative of the tour.  I explained my problems getting into my Spanx and let him know that even though I was way below the weight limit I anticipated a struggle.  He was very quiet during my explanation of the wedding travails.  I did hear him snort once and I think he then pressed the mute button on.  He finally laughed when I told him that I was okay to be amused that it would not hurt my feelings.  He ASSURED me that someone would be able to help me.  While getting in our suits we were separated  by only curtains into open dressing  rooms, men from women.  I could not make grunting noises because everyone would hear.  I literally  could not get the damn thing on.  I mean it.  I pulled, tugged, struggled and then started to sweat.  That made it worse. One of the other ladies on the tour and one of the guides had to squeeze me into what amounted to a body shaped Michelin tire.  It was 7mm thick.  Then you add the head thingy and the booties.  Do any of you have any idea how hard it is to walk in that much rubber.  My only consolation was that if I fell I would bounce.   I was able to sit down. Sort of.  I noticed that in my lap was what appeared to be a very large air bubble.  I was fascinated with it and poked at it trying to make it go away.  I realized that I could feel the sensation of my poking.  The "air bubble" was in fact where the tops of my thighs and my stomach went when I put on my suit.  I had an impressive "package" and had I been a guy, would have been strutting my stuff.  We had to walk to the waters edge through a path of large rocks and I had great difficulty.  The wetsuit made it nearly impossible for me to bend my knees so to get to the top of a rock I would have to throw my straight leg up and sideways.  I really struggled to get into the water but once there it was magical.  God dropped a hand full of beautiful in Mountain Point and I got to see it in all of its glory.  I was toasty warm and even got rid of my gloves because I couldn't take pictures with them on.  The upside of having my hands in the cold water was that the arthritis that bothers my hands took a holiday for a while.  I did fall getting out of the water trying to get up on the shore and no I did not bounce but had a devil of a time getting back up.  I kind of did a push up and walked my way backwards because I couldn't bend my legs.  I gave the group a very large tip. 

The next day our boat sailed around glacier bay and I was in awe seeing things that I have only seen in pictures.  It was simply beautiful.  The next day we spent several hours in Victoria, BC.  We took a private tour with a cab driver and had a blast.  He took us everywhere and was very knowledgeable about his city and it's history. 

On our return we again stayed at the Doubletree and got the cookies.  We took the train and went to downtown Seattle and wandered around the market for several hours before returning for the night.

I was glad to get home and we are planning on a return trip with friends.  I imagine that I will forgo the snorkeling  next time.  I will be posting pictures in the next day or two so check back and let me share my experience with you. 

September 10, 2014 Event Family Dinner

We got together on Wednesday for a "family" dinner.  We do this every once in a while and it really is fun.  Stan and I just got back from our Alaskan cruise and were anxious to see everyone.  Joshua and Syd came with Allison and Aries and this was likely the last time we will see Joshua for a few months as he is working with an oil field company in Ohio.  Benny and Frances Garrard rounded out the nuclear part of Shane and Becky's family.  We were missing Jess and her two but she lives in Arizona.    At some point Rebekah left the room with Winston and when they returned he had on a different onsie.  I will sometimes see something cute and will buy for the grands so I honestly thought this was something I had purchased.  I asked Frances what it said and she responded that she couldn't tell because he was too busy playing.  I picked him up and read: Oops they did it again I am going to be a big brother.  I got halfway thru and stopped thinking that I was telling something that I shouldn't and Becky said to finish it.  I was teary eyed as was Stan but not really surprised because they had been trying.  Congratulations abounded as was joking recriminations about fibbing.  Apparently Frances had commented a few days before asking Beck if she was pregnant.  Becky responded "Are you telling me I am FAT?".  There is one thing I have learned in 40 years of nursing and that is unless you SEE the baby coming out NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant.  Frances attempted to recover stating no you have spots on your face.  I had to laugh when they told me this conversation.  I don't know which is worse: you're fat or you have acne.  I could sit on the side and greatly sympathize with Frances while inwardly fanning my face grateful I had not said anything.  Then to make matters worse during that conversation Benny threw Frances under the bus stating that he didn't think Becky looked fat or pregnant that that was all on Frances!  They had their first ultrasound and had the picture put on a cake.  Then they got out the second cake and Frances commented that there were two pictures.  Shane stated something to the affect that one cake was for the baby on the left and the other was for the baby on the right.  I was having trouble processing that statement until I was oriented by Frances stating  YOU'RE HAVING TWINS??????.  I  was dumbfounded realizing that morning when I came over to take care of Winston I told her that she should have twins when she got pregnant.  Talk about a prophetic comment.   She is due around April 12 or so.  I just realized that for a person who 3 years ago did not have a grandchild that I am doing well!!!  For a period of  4 to 5 months Stan and I will have 5 grandchildren under the age of three.  I indeed am blessed.

September 11, 2014

I will never forget.  Simple words, big promise.  I usually do not work on this day because I spend my time in front of the TV watching the events of that fateful day.  This year my schedule got ahead of me and I did not ask off so I have watched in moderation but still spent my time reflecting on those devastating events of that September.  I didn't cry as much as I usually do although the pictures of those poor people jumping to their death still makes me cry out.  What did bring tears to my eyes was the interview with Patricia Smith, Sean Smith's mom.  He was one of the ones killed in Benghazi during a 9/11 terror attack that our government lied about from the beginning.  She was able to talk to the three security officers who attempted to save her son. She looked at them and stated that they were the sons that she no longer had.  My heart ached.  Hillary and Barrack have the blood of the Benghazi 4 on their hands and I hope nightmares haunt their every sleeping moment.  We cannot forget or let our children forget what happened when America was attacked.  We must be diligent to protect our future and those of our children.  The America I am giving to my grandchildren today is a pale imitation of that which my mom gave to me.  We have so much to answer for and so much to correct.  I still believe in the America that my mom gave to me.  She is there hiding in our hearts and I believe will be strong again.  Never forget.  God Bless America

Americans Stand Up for Your Country

I have not posted since May and have not posted anything relating to current events in a long time.  Every day I listen to the news and get the itch to blog  my personal opinion of what is occurring in my beloved country.  I then fall into a psychological black hole with the thought of what difference does my opinion  make.  Nothing will change, I will still wake up in the morning and my country will still be a mess and getting worse each day.  Tonight I realized that I blog for my children and my grandchildren.  I want Winston, Aries, and Allison and whoever else is in my daughter's future to know what I stood for and what I felt was happening to my country.  I am glad that others read my blog and even offer opposing views.  That is what I love about my country, we don't have to think alike and we should respect each others views.  I belong to a private face book group that is open to any political view with the only rule being that you cannot get ugly with each other.  I have orally invited progressive/liberal  friends and received comments like "I would never get involved with people who only listen to Fox news" or " really a group of uneducated rednecks... just what I want to belong to" or how about "sounds like a group of racists".  I really wasn't surprised.  To coin a old phrase: Our country is going to hell in a hand basket and adding the addition that it is Obama and his administration that is carrying that hand basket down the merry trail that will lead to the destruction of our United States.  Honest to God if I hear one more time that it is Bush's fault I am going to puke. Bush had his faults but  this administration is plagued with scandals and until recently was largely ignored by the mainstream media.  I will say it again.  I watch all news channels but if I really want to know what is happening I go to Fox and THEN  start looking for supporting data. When I have confirmed the news then I watch with amusement  as the mainstream Obamamaniacs ignore what is happening.   I have said this in face book posting that if this current administration was Republican and if the same scandals existed as they are the progressive left would be screaming, rioting and demanding impeachment and the news media would climbing up the butt of the Republican POTUS.  So I ask you liberal progressives would you accept being targeting by the IRS, would you quietly accept a POTUS who goes on a fund raising trip while the mid east is exploding  and our borders are leaking like a sieve.  I am sure that you would scream about a Republican POTUS who was  the guest of honor at a fundraising dinner that cost upwards 30 thousand per couple to attend while less than 500 miles away we have thousands of illegal aliens, mostly children, in detention centers in horrible conditions.  You would loudly state that fundraising money should be sent to assist those in need.   Would you have accepted the decision to hand over 5 dangerous terrorists for a man who at best is a deserter, more probably a traitor. Think about it.  You are hypocrites, you really are.   .

The world is exploding.  Our friend in the east, Israel, is engaged in a battle for survival.  Let me correct that previous sentence. Israel was our friend in administrations past.  This president leaves much doubt about what kind of friend he is to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. In a recent OP ED in Haaretz an Israeli news source he condemned the violence against the innocent teens both Israeli and Palestinian.  He praised Palestine president Mahmoud Abbas(Abu Mazen) and did not mention Netanyahu.  For those who do not know: Abbas has a pact with Hamas, a US designated terrorist group that is tied to Iran.  Hamas controls the Gaza Strip.   Obama did say that Israel has a right to defend themselves.  But instead of monitoring the escalating situation, offering military support or at least sending John Kerry(snort) he is at fund raising dinner

Also in that neck of the woods ISIS ( Islamic State of Iraq and Syria) is marching thru the mid east killing Shia Muslims.  Understand that the Sunni Muslims and Shia Muslims have been at war with each other for centuries so this is nothing new but ISIS hates the West( that would be us) and vows to destroy everything that we stand for.  Oh and on a disturbing note they now have all kinds of weapons including chemical and biological weapons. Obama is really worried about this.  He is at a fund raising dinner in Texas.

Here in America we have continued threats about gun control with the left screaming every time some idiot, and I mean that literally, takes his guns and shoots up a school, movie theater, etc. I am heartbroken at the loss of innocent life but NOT ENOUGHT to give up my right to bear arms.  What I find strange is that over the 4th of July weekend Chicago was subjected to  84 shootings that left 68 wounded and  14 dead.   Mayor Ralm Emanuel is enforcing strict gun laws but it doesn't seem to make a difference.   What is being blamed is lack of police coverage, poverty,  lack of jobs and universally lax gun laws. So if we take all the guns away from the average citizen then they will be safe from the criminals.  Hummm, not sure that is going to work    Ralm you need to call Barrack about the economy...he owns it now, its been 6 years and he cannot blame Bush anymore.

EPA now has the right that if you have a violation against one of their rules that they can garnish your wages without  a court order.  You can fight it but it will be at your expense. The EPA gets to pick the place for the court fight and the judge and you have to pay. So the EPA holds all the cards.  It really is more extensive than that but if I go into it now I will never sleep.

On a final note for this blog, people are saying that the current immigration mess at the border is going to be his "Katrina".  You progressive/liberals remember the screaming that commenced when Bush did a flyby to look over the damage that was left in the wake of Katrina. All because he didn't stop.     They are saying that if Obama does not go down to look at the detention centers that this will be his Katrina.  Huge difference here: Katrina was a natural disaster and if I recall correctly the decision was made for Bush to be able to see the area but not be subjected to the unsafe situation.  The current "humanitarian crisis"  is a disaster but one that was caused by his failed policies and lack of leadership.  But if you heard his speech tonight it of course is not his fault.  The fault lies with Congress.  Poor Barrack.  He stated that he did not want to go down for a photo op.  What he really means is that he is trying very hard to distance himself from the issue and if he goes he cannot ignore what is happening.  We have been "blessed" with a president who has diminished us as a country, he cannot lead, he has no real policy, he has made enemies out of friends.  He has allowed criminal behavior to go unpunished in his administration.  I have an African-American friend who brightened my day about a week ago.  She told me "I should have never voted for that SOB".  We have another 2 years.  God help us all. 
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When Can You First Celebrate Mother's Day

Rebekah has had an issue with last year's Mothers Day and I completely missed the boat on that one. She missed the actual day giving birth to Winston by about 18 hours and feels just a little cheated.  Especially when we told her it didn't count until the baby was OUT.   When we were discussing it this year and I realized how she felt it made me feel just a tad guilty that I was so quick to tell her that this year would be her first Mother's Day.

Last year's Mother's Day my daughter was sitting at home feeling pretty miserable.  But while sitting there she was nurturing, protecting and feeding her son Winston.  Granted she wasn't "holding" him in her arms instead he was nestled under her heart waiting for just the right time to make his entrance.   So my darling Rebekah, accept my apology, because you were so very right.  This is your second Mother's Day!

Mother's Day.... Missing Ina Lee

I have so many mixed feelings on Mother's Day.  I love the fact that I am a mother but miss my mom so much it makes my heart hurt.  If I could have one wish it would be that my mother could come back for a day to meet Rebekah and Joshua's children.  She would just love  Winston, Allison, and Aries. I would want part of that day to tell her how much I love her and how the things that she taught me and believed are ingrained on my heart. I just want an hour or two just to touch her and hold her.   She was a Christian.  She read her bible daily and believed in her salvation.  She prayed daily for her family and I know that she shed tears for all of us at one time or another when we struggled with our own faith.

I was a latchkey kid during a time that most mothers stayed at home.  She was divorced and had to work to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.  We would have qualified for any number of modern day government programs.  We would have had food stamps, and medicaid at a minimum.  But my mother was a very proud and independent and would have viewed any assistance as charity and would have refused to accept the help.  We survived.  We had food.  We had heat in the winter and a warm home.  She worked hard at  two jobs but she did what she needed to do.  I knew that I was loved.  She taught me by example that hard work was honorable and that to provide for your family was a joy.  Mom was my rock and she loved me unconditionally. Nearly every day something will happen and I will think "I need to call mom, she would love this",  That it catches me off guard,  after all this time,  amazes me.  She died on Mother's Day in 2002 and I still have moments  that think she is a phone call away.  I frequently dream when I sleep and on occasion have dreamed of my mom and I sitting having a conversation.  Usually I am going over a painful struggle with which I am presently dealing  and she is sitting there listening with such intentness on her face and she gives me advice.  I have often woken up in tears but also feeling that I have been given a gift, created by my imagination, fed by years of knowing her beliefs and I have the answer that I am seeking.

I miss you mom.  I love you.   This year.  Every year.

He Died for Me

I went to bed last night realizing that I had not written anything in awhile  regardless of my wonderful intentions and  I am grateful that I don't depend on the written word for my dinner or I would starve to death. As I was lying in bed my mind was bouncing around like a ping-pong ball: peeps( yellow vs. pink), my diet, winning the lottery and what I would do, my hips hurting, should I cut my hair short, wanting to be on a before and after TV spot where someone offers to give me plastic surgery.. and would I do it, paying my bills, thinking about the grand kids, and what could I do to make more money. No kidding, all those thoughts were going through my busy brain and the final thought about more money segued into different professions that I could do to increase my financial well being and then to those professions that I was glad I hadn't done.  That segued into me thinking about Easter and feeling like I was glad that I wasn't a preacher and having to come up with a different inspirational, soul saving sermon every week.  I fell asleep with the sentence " he died for me" as my last thought.  I would love to tell you that I had a fabulous Easter dream of redemption.. but I didn't.  I did dream I was on a boat and it had been hijacked by terrorists.  My entire family and grandchildren were there along with a bunch of friends and loads of people that I didn't know.  We were all standing on the top deck and they were going to kill one of us.  They were going to take one of my kids and I stepped up and said no take me instead. My family was crying and I remember looking at them thinking that this was okay.  My life for theirs, I was good with that.    In the dream the man was curious about my willing to die for my family so he went through the passenger list.  I really didn't want to die and when he got to people that I had never met I was really thinking that I didn't know who that person was so maybe it would be okay for them to be pushed overboard instead of me.  I was saved from making a decision because a Seal Team came in led by Sean Connery  and they killed the terrorists. I am not kidding, that was my dream.

I can see myself standing in front of a gunman to protect my family and not thinking about it.  The need to protect "mine" is strong in me.  But to offer my life up for a perfect stranger is not something that I would push through a crowd to do.  I believe in that circumstance I would be making myself as small as I could, keeping my eyes closed and repeating the mantra " NOT ME,  NOT ME".

Jesus died, with some reluctance,  for our redemption. He didn't want to die.  Luke 22: 42 -44 "Father if  you are willing,  take this cup from me; yet not my will , but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.   Mark 14:36 "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you,  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will."  He died for all those people who cheered for his death because in doing so he saved them all.  The wonder of it all was that he didn't die for just those people on Calvary but for all of us.  People he didn't know, people who were not even born yet.  He died for me.  I am insignificant, a sinner, and not worthy of the gift of His life but he did it anyway so that I would have a chance to enter the kingdom with him at the end of my time.  This was a good man, one who did nothing to earn his death but he followed the will of his Father, paid the ultimate price and was resurrected to prove that there is life after death.  The blood that he shed and the life that he, albeit reluctantly, gave is our promise that life does not end but goes on in glory.   He died and rose again for me and for you.  Blessed Easter,  HALLELUJAH  Jesus is risen.

Happy 37th Birthday Son

He believed in puppets, Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and in me.  This birthday marks the time that you are a father of two  little ones who I hope have your sense of wonder and imagination.  If they didn't get that gene from you my dearest son I hope that you will introduce them to the magical world that is just a blink away and teach them to embrace the happiness that imagination can create.  I have always been and will always be so very proud of you.  I love you more than the stars in the sky.