May 12, 2010

It's been eight years since my mom died. She died on Mother's Day in 2002. I will never forget that morning. I left work and got in my car and was overcome with such a conviction that my mom would not last the day. She was in the hospital but due for release. I called the nursing unit and talked to the nurse and she assured me that she was doing well. She was in the heart unit because they didn't have a step down bed for her yet but allowed her visitors like a regular room. I was so sure that she was leaving me that I was in tears and nothing that the nurse could say would convince me otherwise. I asked her to tell mom that I loved her so much and that she was the very best mom anyone could have. I said other things that the nurse had to ask me to repeat because of my tears. I told the nurse. Mom is going to die today I just know it. I am not psychic but I KNEW. At work that night my sister called me and I was sitting between Linda and Faye and when I heard her voice I knew that she was gone. I didn't get to say good bye. I put my head on the desk and cried. I can only hope that the nurse passed on my message. There were so many things that I didn't get a chance to say. So much love that I wasn't able to show and so many items that I needed to ask her about. I was so selfish in my desire to keep her. She woke up from a nap at about 7pm and told the nurse that Jesus was going to take her home that night. My sister Barb came to be with her and pray with her till the end. Jesus called her home but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish for one more hug, one more kiss, one more piece of advice. At times I have dreamed about her and they are so real. She has 'visited' me in my dreams and provided comfort when I have needed it most. Logically I know that my dreams are a product of my over active imagination but who am I to deny what God can do. Mom, watch over your children and their offspring. I know that you are in a better place but I miss you each and every day.