First day of real wedding stuff/ church hunting

Aren't they the best looking couple? Shane and Becky have tentatively set a date for September 13,2008. But that could change because we only have the reception place, finding a church may prove more difficult. We scouted out the "favorite" place yesterday. They had previously sent Becky a paper with multiple orders that had to be met before they could even schedule the ceremony. One of which was I had to certify that she had never been married before. Then we had to have a baptismal record which of course we don't have because she is the product of a Assembly of God/Baptist union. Both of those believe in baptism after you really understand the full implications..... in other words we do not sprinkle. We do a great dedication but no to the baptism until we can put you in a robe and dunk you in a baptismal pool... or in my case I got dunked in a river. Down here you don't see to many river dunkings probably because of the toxic waste found in most of Louisiana water.... and too, the alligators and cottonmouth snakes would tend to discourage open water baptism. We kept the appointment and met with a lovely woman I will call...spider lady.... she was skinny, old, smelled musty...did have great jewelry on though and had lo-o-o-o-ng pauses down to a fine art. I had worked the night before and had not been to bed. The appointment was at 2pm. We handed her the paperwork and she looked it over and said ohhhhhhhhhhhh this wont do. We had only a copy of Shane's baptism record not a recently certified, blessed by the Bishop, sealed copy. Then asked Becky for her record... (which we don't have..)..long pause.....oh my.....long pause.... play- with -her expensive- brooch -with -her- spider- fingers. WELLLLLLL I will go and find out what we need to do. Shane was not happy, Becky had her 'blank'face in place and I was in full fidget mode... my legs were swelling, cankles getting bigger I was really really irritated. She came back in and repeated previously given information and indicated we would have to get the missing documents and make another appointment.. Shane and Becky were ready to leave as I was but I just HAD to ask if she could go over the rules so that we would know whether or not this was really the place. Shane didn't move his head he just looked at me out of the corner of his eyes and his face got red.... Becky closed her eyes... and the woman read....and read.....and read....slooooooooooowly. The reason I know this isn't the church for us is the rules banning running naked thru the church, the refusal to allow mooning from the front and no animal participants. Shane burst out laughing said I guess that has happened for it to be mentioned in the book. Spider Lady just pursed her lips and said welllllllllll. So come on.... I can understand no streaking....but no MOONING??????....... and no animals?????... Stan kinda thought it would be cute for Elizabeth the bulldog to be outfitted to carry the ring..... I hadn't approached Becky yet but i have a feeling that would have been a NO anyway.