Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Tale of Ms. Puss and the Vinegar

My niece keeps asking me to tell this story. I really don't know how to do it without possibly offending anyone... that has never really bothered me before but offending someone orally is a heck of a lot different than offending them in print.
Once upon a time( over 30 years) in a place far far away.. there were 2 BEAUTIFUL girls in nursing school. Lets see we will call them Debbie S. and Patty G.Their nursing school was a boarding place and had very archaic bathrooms..... no showers just bathtubs..about 6 or so lining the bathroom. It was the job of each beautiful nursing student after bathing herself to wash the tub out with Clorox and comet cleanser. Now beautiful people tend to be lazy (except for Debbie and Patty) who were more mature and apparently cleaner than the rest and who ALWAYS cleaned out their tubs as ordered. These two innocent nursing students climbed into visually clean tubs but not hygienically cleaned tubs and contracted ummmmmm well....to put it clinically vaginitis from previous student bathers. Fairly soon in lecture the entire class (sans the 2 male students) that boarded were fidgeting in class trying to ignore the worse itch and burn in their nether regions or as we called it back then Ms. Puss. It was so noticeable that class was dismissed and all were sent to the student health center. Patty and Debbie were among the last and didn't have to disrobe or be examined ....down there.... thank the good lord.... as they were modest as well as beautiful and quite frankly the doctor had seen all the student Ms. Puss he cared to see. When they walked in he gave them two bags with hoses on the end and told them to douche with vinegar and water. As they walked away it hit them that they didn't know the concentration so Debbie walked back in and asked the concentration of vinegar and water. The doctor said clearly 4:1. Debbie and Patty, being the conscientious student nurses carefully mixed up the solution of 4 parts vinegar and 1 part water in their little bags with hoses... sat on side by side commodes and opened the valve. The first sound heard from both was a high pitched keening sound that would have broken crystal...... then Patty was heard going pouffe,pouffe, pouffe... blowing on Ms Puss to stop the burn. Debbie was still sucking in air in an effort to be able to scream again. Needless to say their malady was cured and they both learned a valuable lesson as nursing students.... to always verify orders from a busy doctor. It took some time for both of them to be able to smell vinegar based salad dressing without jumping up while pressing their legs together to protect Ms. Puss... and hobble to safety.
The End

2 comments:

monique said...

OK THAT IS HILARIOUS

Aggie said...

Hey there Deb!

This might the funniest f-ing story I've ever heard (read)! You are so awesome and haven't changed a bit...at least not your personality! But, I do however, have a question.......
Does "Ms. Puss" not fall into the same category as pet peeves for "private parts"?!? :-)
I just discovered your blog and have spent the last 1-1/2 hours reading it! I've laughed so hard that I have to go change my pants from peeing in them now! Sucks how your bladder control deserts you after children! Hmmmmph! (And I've always tried to be sooo kind to my bladder). Anyway, just wanted you to know how much I enjoy your posts...love ya and miss ya bunches! Say "Hi" to Stan, Josh, Becky, Demi, Mr. Bentley, and "The Baby"!
Love,
Aggie
P.S....You're retirement home is awesome...I've always considered myself to be one who was never concerned with "keeping up the Jones'", however, after seeing that, I may start to be more concerned with "keeping up with the Higgenbothams"! Hugs and Kisses! Muah!